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  • Bigotry Is Not On The Menu
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  • The Land Of The Free From Thought

    | London | Food & Drink, Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

    (I work in a cafe popular with tourists. During one afternoon I see an American man lighting a cigarette. We have a smoking ban in the UK that bans smoking in all public places.)

    Me: “Excuse me sir, but I’m afraid you’ll have to smoke that cigarette outside.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    (I explain the smoking ban to him.)

    Customer: “That’s bulls***! That’s a breach of the First Amendment!”

    Me: “Sir, I have no idea what that is, though I think it’s something to do with free speech.”

    Customer: *shocked* “How can you not know the First Amendment? It’s the law!”

    Me: “It’s your law, judging by your accent. We have a completely different set of laws.”

    Customer: “England has its own laws?”

    I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here, Part 2

    | New York, NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Top

    (I am shopping at a retail store where employees don’t wear uniforms, but encourage their sales associates to wear clothes purchased from their store. I’ve picked up a shirt from a stack of folded clothes, looked at it, and folded it again. A woman comes up to me holding a scarf.)

    Customer: “Do you have this in blue? I saw it in blue last week but now I can’t find it.”

    Me: “Oh, I don’t work here. But I think I just saw a sales person over there.”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me! I know you work here. I just saw you fold that shirt! If you can’t be bothered to help me, call someone else on your little radio or something. But don’t lie to me – I’m not stupid! Use your radio and find me a blue scarf!”

    Me: “Listen, I don’t know what else I can tell you. I don’t have a radio to call someone as I do not work here.”

    Customer: “Just stop it already! Someone needs to teach you how to treat customers with respect. Of course you work here; you are wearing clothes from the d*** store! I’m not stupid! Where is your manager?”

    (I decide to ignore her and continue about my business. A couple of minutes later I hear a now familiar voice.)

    Customer: “That girl right there. She didn’t want to help me, so she just pretended she didn’t work here.”

    (I turn around and see the woman standing behind me with the store manager.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, this lady doesn’t work here. She is just a shopper like you.”

    Customer: “But… she is wearing clothes from this store!”

    Manager: *looking at me apologetically as I’m trying hard not to laugh* “A lot of people wear clothes from this store, ma’am. That’s the whole point of buying them. Our employees all wear a name tag; that’s how you can tell them apart from customers.”

    Customer: “I think you are just covering for your employee because you know she messed up. This is unbelievable! I just wanted this scarf in blue! I am never shopping here again!”

    (She turns around to leave. As she storms out, she spots another customer and yells at her.)

    Customer: “I suppose you don’t work here either, huh?!”

    Other Customer: *without batting an eye* “Nope. But I have that scarf in blue, and let me tell you – it’s gorgeous!”

    I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here

    Loony Over A Loonie

    | Ontario, Canada | At The Checkout, Canada, Top

    (I am ringing out an American girl. Keep in mind Canada uses coins for $1 and $2.)

    Me: “…and your change is $3.64. You have a wonderful day.”

    Customer: “Excuse me, you didn’t give me the right change.”

    Me: “Yes I did.”

    Customer: “No you didn’t. You only gave me coins, no paper.”

    Me: “Ma’am, we’re in Canada, and here we use coins.” *I hold up a $1 coin* “This is a loonie, and is worth $1.”

    Customer: “What’s a Canada?”

    That’s What He Thought

    | London, UK | Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

    (A young male customer is paying by card.)

    Me: "We’re having problems with our machine at the moment, so when you put it in, just make sure you give it a good wiggle."

    Customer: *mumbles* "That’s what she said."

    Me: *I laugh*

    Customer: "Oh God, did I say it out loud again?!"

    Birthday Cele-Berations

    | Elkhart, IN, USA | Politics, Uncategorized

    Customer: “You don’t have much of a selection for ninetieth birthday parties.”

    Me: “Not many people live that long. Most of our suppliers don’t carry anything past the sixtieth birthday decorations.”

    Customer: “It’s all because of Obama, you know. With his health care system, they just put you out to pasture once you’re sixty-five, and that’s the end of you. He probably told everyone to stop selling things with eighty and ninety on it, so people won’t want to live as long.”

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