October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Pink

| Pennsylvania, USA | Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

(I get a call from a client about a wedding package I am designing.)

Me: “Hello! Have you finalized your color scheme?”

Client: “Well no.” *begins sobbing* “We had a fight, and I called off the wedding. I don’t need the invitations.”

Me: “Ah. I’m very sorry to hear this, ma’am. I’ll waive my fees. Don’t worry about paying me.”

Client: “No, I’ll pay for your work. I was wondering if you could change the text, though.”

Me: “To what?”

Client: “It has to say ‘You’re Invited To [Ex-Fiance’s] Funeral’. And I’m thinking a hideously bright pink.”

Pushing The Envelope Of Patience

| Staffs, England | Crazy Requests, Uncategorized

(I set up temporary redirections for customer’s mail after a house move whilst they get around to telling people that they’ve moved.)

Me: “How long would you like us to redirect your mail for?”

Customer: “Until everybody knows I’ve moved.”

Me: “Well, how long do you think it will take you to tell everyone?”

Customer: “Me tell everyone?  Don’t you do that for me?”

Me: “Sorry, but that’s up to you. We don’t know who writes to you.”

Customer: “Well you should! You deliver the letters to me!”

The Tower Of Babble

| New Zealand | At The Checkout, Language & Words, Uncategorized

(Note: I am of Asian descent.)

Me: “Good morning!” *starts scanning groceries*

Customer: “Ni hao!”

Me: “Oh, I’m not Chinese.”

Customer: “Konnichiwa!”

Me: “I’m not–”

Customer: “Shalom!”

Me: “Sir, that’s not even–”

Customer: “Namaste!”


Customer: “I know so many languages! So many!

Medication Frustration

| Vancouver Island, BC, Canada | Health & Body, Uncategorized

Customer: “I’m picking up a prescription for [name].”

Me: “Okay. Just a second.”

(I check the drawer for the prescription and can’t find it.)

Me: “When did you order it?”

Customer: “Well, I saw the doctor on Monday.”

Me: “So you came in on Monday?”

Customer: “No, I went to the doctor’s on Monday.”

Me: “Okay, so when did you drop your prescription off?”

Customer: “What do you mean? I went to the doctor.”

Me: “And did he give you a piece of paper that said what drugs you needed?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “That’s a prescription. You need to bring it here so that we know what you need.”

Customer: “But I saw the doctor on Monday! Why didn’t he do it?”

Me: “That’s not his job. That’s what pharmacists are for.”

Customer: “So what, he’s a doctor but he’s not a pharmacist? Look, I saw him on Monday so he probably just did it then. You’re just not looking hard enough. Look for the things done on Monday!”

Jane Austen-tacious

| Connecticut, USA | Books & Reading, Movies & TV, Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi. Maybe you can help me. I saw a movie last night on TV. It was about those things that Oprah does? Do you know what it was?”

Me: “What happened in the movie?”

Customer: “Well, they read books, but only by this one person who writes books.”

Me: “Like a book club?”

Customer: “Yes! A book club! But the movie came from a book. What was the title?”

Me: “Was it The Jane Austin Book Club?”

Customer: “Yes! Would you have any books by Jane Austen?”

Me: “Absolutely!”

(I take her to our Jane Austen books. She is very excited and starts flipping through them.)

Customer: “Hey, wait! There’s no photo of her! I want to see what she looks like!”

Me: “I’m afraid there aren’t any photos of her.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “She lived two hundred years ago.”

Customer: “Oh! So do all of her books take place in her time?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “So…she didn’t write The Jane Austen Book Club?”

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