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    Rescued From A Life Of Deliciousness

    | Bristol, UK |

    Customer: “I want some of these coffee beans, but I want them as a powder.”

    Me: “Yes, we can grind them here for you if you like.”

    Customer: “But will it hurt the beans?”

    Me: “Well, it won’t affect the beans in any way – it will still be the same coffee, if that’s what you mean?”

    Customer: “No, I mean will it HURT the beans?”

    Me: “…well, they’re coffee beans, so I don’t think they can actually feel any pain…”

    Customer: “But you aren’t 100% sure on that…I think I’ll leave it, then.”

    Ironically, He Works With Balls…

    | Sparks, NV, USA |

    Customer: “I’m going to be pitching for my softball team, and I need a cup and jockstrap.”

    Me: “Sure thing, they’re right over here.”

    Customer: “How do you know what size to get?”

    Me: “The jockstraps are measured by waistband size. All the cups are the same size.”

    Customer: “Those cups are all huge! There’s no way I can fill one of those up!”

    Me: “…”

    Back To Basics Is Best

    | San Antonio, TX, USA |

    Customer: “I need something to make a nail go into a piece of wood…you know, to make it stay where I’m putting it.”

    Me: “…a hammer, sir?”

    Customer: “Oh, is that what you would recommend?”

    Me: “Uh…yeah.”

    Customer: “Great, show me where they are!”

    Either Way, Someone’s Wearing Diapers

    | Savannah, GA, USA | Top

    (I’m selling movie theater tickets to a couple that’s obviously in their 30s or 40s.)

    Me: “So for two adults, the total is $19.”

    Male customer: “Can’t we get a discount? She’s a senior! How old do you have to be to be a senior?”

    Me: “She has to be 60 to be a senior.”

    Male customer: “She’s 59 and a half! Can we get a discount?”

    (It’s a slow day, so I oblige.)

    Me: “Well… alright, how about $16.50?”

    Male customer: “Awesome, you’re the best! So you gave her the senior ticket, right?”

    Me: “No, sir, I gave you a child.”

    Female customer: *laughs* “Thank you, you’ve definitely got him figured out!”

    It’s Called Healthyitis

    | Maine, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for waiting, my name is Megan. What is your call regarding?”

    Patient: “Yeah, I want to ask the nurse a question.”

    Me: “Is this regarding symptoms you are experiencing?”

    Patient: “Yeah… well, kind of.”

    Me: “What symptoms are you experiencing?”

    Patient: “Actually, none.”

    Me: “… you are experiencing no symptoms?”

    Patient: “Yeah… I have no pain and I just want to know if that is normal.”

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