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    Vague & Vaguerer

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada |

    Me: “Good morning, *** Homes.”

    Customer with really thick accent: “How much is house?”

    Me: “Which home is that? Would you like to speak with a Realtor?”

    Customer: “No, how much is house? House?”

    Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but I cannot tell you that without an address–and in any case, you need to speak with a Realtor.”

    Customer: “House! How much is house?!”

    Me: “More than a couch, less than a rocket ship. Have a nice day!”

    Customer Of The Week: Pet Care Hotline

    | Kentucky | Old Comics

    NEW: Not Always Right is pleased to announce Customer Of The Week, a comic which will run every Wednesday. It’s based on Not Always Right stories and is created by the fantastic folks at Quitting Time!

    Customer Of The Week, No. 1
    Created by our friends at Quitting Time

    Original Story:
    Actually, Fido Is A Weapon Of Mass Destruction

    Way, Way Too Much Information

    | California, USA |

    Customer: “Oh, I almost forgot… I need a lighter.”

    Me: “Alright. Well, here are the various ones we have.” *points at lighters*

    Customer: “Can you pick one out for me?”

    Me: “Sure thing, sir. Any particular design or color you like?”

    Customer: “Clear, just like my underwear.”

    Related:
    Way Too Much Information
    TMI (Too Much Information)

    Baptism On A Budget

    | Michigan, USA |

    Customer: “I need some help with the animal watering troughs.”

    Me: “Sure, they are outside. Let’s go look at them.”

    (Outside…)

    Customer: “Can I see if I fit in it?”

    Me: “Um, ok.”

    (The customer climbs in.)

    Customer to companion: “Ok, now you get in too, see if we will both fit.”

    (The customer’s companion climbs in.)

    Customer: “Ok, this will work, but do you have any nicer looking ones, without dents? We are using it for a baptismal font.”

    More Like The Gas Beneath My Pants

    | Alberta, Canada |

    Me: “Hello, ¬†*** Music. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I was wondering if you had the sheet music for ‘Hero’.”

    Me: “Mariah Carey?”

    Customer: “No! Bette Midler!”

    Me: “Oh! ‘Wind Beneath My Wings!’ Sure, ¬†we’ve got it!”

    Customer: “Huh?”

    Me: “The song is called ‘Wind Beneath My Wings.’ It’s one of the most popular vocal arrangements on the market.”

    Customer: “No, it’s that one about her hero.”

    Me:¬†”Yeah…” *sings* “… did you ever know that you’re my hero?¬†You’re everything I wish I could be…¬†I can fly higher than an eagle… and you are the WIND BENEATH MY WINGS.”

    Customer: “Yes! That’s the one!” *sings* “‘Did you ever know that you’re my HERO!’¬†Can you hold a copy for me?”

    Me, giving up: “Of course…”

    (Later on…)

    Coworker 1: “So, who was on the phone?”

    Coworker 2: “… and why are they the wind beneath your wings?”


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