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    Celebrity Begins At Home

    | Daytona Beach, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Uncategorized

    (I am taking calls for a charity.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [charity]. Are you calling this evening to make a donation?”

    Caller: “Sure I will, but I want to talk to on of the famous people first.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that isn’t possible. However, if I take your donation, I’m sure that they will be grateful.”

    Caller: “Well what row are you in? Can you wave to me?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m not on TV. I’m in a call center that handles the excess calls from generous people like yourself.”

    Caller: “Well just get up and tap [celebrity] on the shoulder! I’m sure he wouldn’t mind taking my call!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid I’m not in the studio at the moment.”

    Caller: “Well, I’ll just call back I’m sure the next person will know some one famous! You should stop hogging all the famous people!”

    Not Going Buy The Book = Not Going To Buy The Book

    | Salem, OR, USA | Books & Reading, Uncategorized

    Me: “Hey, how are you doing today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I put a stack of books on hold up here three weeks ago.”

    Me: “Our policy states we can only hold books for 24 hours. So, there most likely not up here.”

    Customer: “You were the girl that put them on hold. You told me you could hold them till I came back. Don’t you remember?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I always let customers now about our 24 hour policy. We can’t hold their books for 3 weeks. I can get someone over here to help you find the books again if you’d like.”

    Customer: “Well, what were they?”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “What books did I put on hold!? That was three weeks ago. How the h*** am I suppose to remember?”

    A Real Drinking Problem

    | High Point, NC, USA | Books & Reading, Uncategorized

    (A customer is about to get on the elevator and go upstairs with a soda.)

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but soda is not allowed upstairs. We have an area right under the stairs that you can sit and drink it or you will need to take it outside.”

    Customer: “But I just bought it! You mean I can’t take it upstairs even if I’m not going to open it?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. They just don’t allow it.”

    Customer: “You mean I have to drink it? Well, I never would have bought it if I had known I was going to have to drink it!”

    Off-Color Knowledge

    | Montreal, Canada | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

    Customer: Hi, I need some printer ink please. Do you carry ink for [printer model]?”

    Me: “Of course. You want the color cartridge?”

    Customer: “Oh, they have colors? Okay, then. I want green and pink.”

    Me: “It doesn’t really work like that. The printer has one color cartridge that can do all the colors.”

    Customer: “Really? How they can put that many colors in one cartridge?”

    Me: “They put only blue, red and yellow, and they’re mixed to make all the colors.”

    Customer: “Oh, that sounds cool. But how will the printer know which color goes where if I don’t tell it?”

    Large Signs, Larger Bags, And Even Larger Egos

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

    (A customer with a large bag enters the store.)

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. You’re going to have to check your bag there up at the front counter.”

    Customer: “Why?! I’ve never had to before!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, it’s store policy.”

    Customer: “No it isn’t! You’re doing this just because I’m not white! I guess non-white people aren’t welcome here!”

    Me: “You’re more than welcome here, but it’s store policy that all shoppers check their bags.”

    Customer: “Show me a sign that says this is your policy!”

    (I take her up front and show her the large, bright-red sign with bold, white letters that says customers are required to check their bags before shopping.)

    Customer: “You put this out because you saw me coming!”

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