November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

His Groceries Have Just Been Terminated

| Peterborough, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Uncategorized

(I am ringing up a customer at my register; she had just told me she forgot her rewards card at home.)

Me: “Do you have a reward card? Oh, shoot. Sorry! It’s just a habit to ask for it.”

Customer: “Haha, don’t worry about it, I understand.”

(There is an elderly man in line behind her.)

Elderly Man: “They’ve programmed you!”

Me: “Haha, yeah I guess they have.”

Elderly Man: *shouting alarmingly* “They’ve programmed you! You’re some sort of robot aren’t you?”

Me: *jokingly* “Yep, I’m a robot!”

Elderly Man: *totally serious* “I knew it! You filthy robot! You’re going to kill me, aren’t you? This is some kind of government conspiracy! They sent you here to kill me! Well I won’t let you!”

(He runs out of the store.)

(Ursa) Major Pain In The A**

| Moscow, Russia | Crazy Requests, Math & Science, Uncategorized

(A customer calls and asks that he and his friend need to be picked up. He sounds intoxicated.)

Me: “Where should the driver pick you up?”

Caller: “Do you know Ursa Major?”

Me: “Ursa Major? Is it a name of a local business? A restaurant or a hotel?”

Caller: “What is this world coming to? It is a constellation! In the sky! We are standing right under it!”

Discount Discounted

| Sherman Oaks, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Uncategorized

Me: “And do you have a free rewards card with us, ma’am?”

Customer: “A what? I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t know.”

Me: “If you think you have one, I can look it up by your phone number?

Customer: “My what?”

Me: *louder* “Your phone number, ma’am.”

Customer: “I don’t have one of those! I don’t think I have one! I don’t have a phone number! I don’t have one!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, that’s fine. Your total today is $26.74, and just to let you know, you could have saved $5.90 if you had the rewards card.”

Customer: “A discount? My phone number is ***-****.”

Count-er Productive

| Hershey, PA, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

(I work as a hostess at a restaurant in a busy tourist area. As a result, we are frequently on a wait.)

Me: “Hi! How many today?”

Customer: “Six please.”

(Note, our biggest tables are meant for six.)

Me: “Great! And how many children’s menus for you?”

Customer: “I have a four year old, so only one.”

Me: “Okay! Take a seat and I’ll call you when your table’s ready.”

(Since we were especially busy, the party waited for about twenty minutes. When a table is finally available, I call them up. The six walk up, carrying two toddlers and pushing a baby carrier with an infant inside.)

Me: “Ma’am, I thought you said there were six?”

Customer: “There are only six that are going to eat! Wait, you mean my kids count?”

Me: “There is not room for nine at that table. I’m afraid you’re going to have to wait longer.”

Customer: *storming out* “I’m going to a place that doesn’t count my kids!”

2 Guys, A Lie And A Burger Place

| Sebastian, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

(The customer points out an ad on our window asking customers to inquire on how to get a free burger.)

Customer: “How do you get the free burger?”

Me: “You call the number on the back of your receipt and after a short survey they give you a confirmation code.”

Customer: “Yeah, my code is 6610. Now give me my free burger.”

Me:“Sir, if you’re going to make up a fake code make sure you know how long the codes are.”