Should Get Her Eyes Tested

| Marion, IL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for choosing [optometrists]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I looked up DNA tests on the internet, and your number came up.”

Me: “I’m not exactly sure why that would be. This is an optometrist’s office.”

Caller: “So, you can’t help me find my baby-daddy?”

This Tutor Should Have Been Screened Harder

| Australia | Top

(I am reinstalling the operating system on one of the student computers. I leave a note on it stating that it is out of order, and that students shouldn’t touch the computer. A tutor walks in, and reads the note. He looks at computer screen, and reads the note one more time. He then turns the computer off before I can react.)

Tutor: “I think there’s something wrong with this computer.”

Me: “Why did you turn it off? Who told you to turn off?”

Tutor: “Oh, the note said students weren’t allowed to touch it.”

Me: “Okay, there’s a loophole there, I guess. But why did you turn it off?”

Tutor: “I don’t know.”

Rolling Your ‘R’s Can Be Bizarre

| Philippines | Uncategorized

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Did you mean ‘R’ as in ‘Robert’?”

Customer: “No, no, no. I meant ‘R’ as in ‘Oscarrrrrrr’!”

Run-Of-The-Mill Requests

| Madison, WI, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer sets all their items up on the counter. This includes a six-pack of beer.)

Me: “Okay, your total will be $12.12.”

(The customer hands me their food stamp card.)

Me: “I can run this through, and it’ll take most of the total off. But beer isn’t covered under this program. I apologize.”

Customer: “Excuse me, what?”

Me: “Yeah, alcohol isn’t covered under the Supplemental Nutritional Assistance program.”

Customer: “But beer is nutritional. It has wheat in it.”

Posthumous Post-Modernism, Part 2

| Springfield, MO, USA | Uncategorized, Zombies

(Two teenage customers walk up to the information desk, and pick up copies from the stack of ‘Pride and Prejudice and Zombies’.)

Customer: “I can’t believe Jane Austen let them do this.”

Me: “Well, she’s been dead for nearly two hundred years. Her works are all public domain now.”

Customer: “Oh.”

(She waves the book at me.)

Customer: “Then how can you do this?”

Related:
Posthumous Post-Modernism

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