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    Personally, I Go There To Do My Taxes

    | Coventry, UK |

    (A group of annoying teenagers had been removed from one of the screens in the cinema for being loud and causing a huge disturbance.)

    Teenager: “I want a refund. I want to talk to a manager. This is unfair!”

    Usher: “Well, you can talk to a manager, but they’ll tell you the same thing I’ve told you.” *calls manager over*

    Manager: “What’s the problem here?”

    Teenager: “We’ve been kicked out of the cinema because apparently someone said we were being noisy and disturbing the film.”

    Manager: “Yes?”

    Teenager: “Yeah, well, we think it’s unfair and we want a refund.”

    Manager: “And why should we give you a refund?”

    Teenager: “Well you know how it is… you come to the cinema to have a laugh and a chat with your mates–”

    Manager: “No you don’t. You come to the cinema to watch a film. Get out.”

    You Know What They Say About Idle Hands…

    , | Port St. Lucie, FL, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [pizza place], may I take your order?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like a one of those large philly cheesesteak pizzas you’re advertising on TV.”

    Me: “Sir, that’s not us. That’s [competitor].”

    Customer: “What do you mean that’s not you? I just saw the commercial.”

    Me: “I don’t know what commercial you saw, but we don’t have that pizza. Only [competitor] does.”

    Customer: “Let me talk to your manager, because you obviously don’t know what you’re talking about.”

    Me: “Sir, I am the manager.”

    Customer: “Well, obviously you don’t know what you’re talking about. I want your bosses number. I’m gonna tell him about this and then we’ll see.”

    Me: “You’re welcome to call him, but he’ll tell you the same thing I did: that’s not our pizza.”

    Customer: “Then I’ll call his boss and their boss and keep going till I finally get someone who agrees with me!”

    Me: *sarcastically* “Must be nice to have that much time on your hands!”

    Bureacracy’s Hidden Benefits

    | Minnesota, USA |

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Client: “I’d like to know why I haven’t received my benefits.”

    Me: “Let’s just pull up your case. Can I have your case number?”

    (The client gives me their case number and I pull up the case.)

    Me: “Well, it looks like you didn’t return your application. Without an application, we can’t approve welfare benefits.”

    Client: “Can’t we do it over the phone?”

    Me: “No, you need to come in and do an in-person interview so we can get an ID and a signature.”

    Client: “So, we can’t do it over the phone?”

    Me: “No, we need a face-to-face interview.”

    Client: “That’s just too much work. I’ll just go get a job!” *click*

    Customer Of The Week: Electric Lime

    , | Beverly, MA, USA | Old Comics

    Customer Of The Week: Electric Lime
    Created by our friends at Quitting Time

    Original Story:
    One Track Minds And Earwax Don’t Mix

    Introducing The DK Spring Collection

    | Burlington, NC, USA |

    Customer: “I’d like two tickets for the Green Knight, please.”

    Me: “You mean the Dark Knight, ma’am?”

    Customer: “No, I mean the Green Knight! The Batman movie!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the only Batman movie currently showing is the Dark Knight.”

    Customer: “I’ve never heard of that! I don’t want to see it! Give me two for the Green Knight!”

    Me: “Ma’am, there is no such movie.”

    Customer: “Fine. We’ll go see this Dark Knight thing, then. But I just want you to know I am not pleased!”


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