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    Sometimes, Free Just Ain’t Enough

    , | Duluth, MN, USA |

    (Many years ago, in an electronics store far, far away…)

    Woman: “I just bought this computer and I can’t connect to Prodigy.”

    (eMachine had offered a $400 rebate for users who signed up for a year of Prodigy ISP, but the modems in their PCs wouldn’t work with Prodigy. Doh!)

    Me: “Yes, there’s a problem with some of the eMachines not working with Prodigy. I’ll put a new modem in for you and it will work. You can come back in about an hour to pick it up.”

    Woman: “I don’t want you to do that!”

    Me: “Uh… what?”

    Woman: “I don’t see why I have to get this fixed!”

    Me: “Unfortunately, your computer has a faulty modem, and the problem was found after it left the factory. However, I can replace your broken modem with a brand new one for free, and that will take care of the problem.”

    Woman: “But I don’t want you messing around in my computer!”

    Me: “This is my job–I install computer components all day.”

    Woman: “Well, I don’t want you messing around in there breaking things!”

    Me: “Replacing a modem is not that complicated. It’s like putting a new tire on a car.”

    Woman: “But if I just bought a new car, I shouldn’t need to have the tires changed in order to get it to work!”

    Me: “Yes, I understand that. I apologize about the faulty modem, and I’m offering to fix it for free.”

    Woman: “Well, I changed my mind. I don’t want that! Just cancel my Prodigy subscription.”

    Me: “…so you’d want to keep the broken modem?”

    Woman: “Yes, I want to keep it. Cancel my Prodigy subscription.”

    Me: “Ok, you got a $400 rebate for signing up for a year’s worth of Prodigy. If you cancel it, you’ll owe us $400.”

    Woman: *yelling* “WHAAAATTTTT? I’M NOT PAYING EXTRA MONEY FOR A BROKEN MODEM! I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO PAY MORE MONEY! YOU’RE JUST TRYING TO RIP ME OFF!”

    Me: “You got $400 off of your computer because you signed up for a year of Prodigy. If you cancel, then you have to pay the full price! How can you not see that?”

    Woman: “THIS IS B*LLSH*T! YOU’RE TRYING TO STEAL FROM ME! I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!”

    (We got her security instead.)

    Just Wait ‘Till He Meets The Dwarves In The Urinals

    | Richmond, VA, USA | Top

    Man: “Hey! I put my card in the ATM machine over there and put in my numbers, but it won’t give me any money. Does that even make any sense?”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, the ATM is owned by that bank. You’ll have to call them.”

    Man: “Oh, you would say that!”

    Me: “If you’d like, sir, I can try to give you cash back here at my register, but I cannot access your bank information.”

    Man: “I mean, I go to my bank and I can get out money just fine, but here… it won’t even work. I mean, does that make any sense?”

    Me: “Would you like me to call my manager for you, sir?”

    Man: “Oh, you’d try to save your job, wouldn’t you!”

    (And then it gets weird…)

    Man: “Wait!” *points at ceiling* “There used to be windows there! You people boarded them up!”

    Me: “WHAT?”

    Man: “Yeah! YEAH! The guys on the computers! I bet you have them up there watching me and keeping me from getting my money!”

    Me: *laughing* “Um, sir, there are no people living in our walls. Go to your bank, and have a nice day!”

    Man: *grumbles and leaves, turning back to look at the ceiling every few steps*

    (From that point on, my co-workers who witnessed this blame everything on the ‘people in the walls’.)

    When Stupid Questions Attack

    | Duluth, MN, USA |

    (While resetting a user’s password…)

    Me: “Okay, the password needs to be at least seven characters long, has to have at least one upper case letter, one lower case letter, and one number.”

    User: “What about an upper case number?”

    Me: “…”

    Related:
    Ask A Stupid Question…
    Ask A Stupid Question, Part 2
    There Are No Stupid Questions, Just Stupid People
    Yes, They Really Are That Dumb

    Laziness Is The Father Of Repetition

    | Illinois, USA |

    Me: “Hello, this is ***.”

    Caller: “Is this %%%%?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry. You have the wrong number.”

    Caller: “Oh, sorry.”

    Me: “It’s okay…goodbye.”

    (They hang up, but seconds later, the phone rings.)

    Me: “Hello, this is ***.”

    Caller: “Is this %%%%?”

    Me: “No, you’ve dialed the wrong number again.”

    Caller: “Oh, sorry.”

    (The hang up … phone rings again.)

    Me: “If you keep hitting redial, you’ll just keep getting the same wrong number.”

    Caller: “How did you….oh!” *hangs up*

    Related:
    Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition

    It’s Not Exactly Rocket Science, Part 2

    | Boynton Beach, FL, USA |

    *lady swipes her card*

    Lady: “Which button do I press? Credit or debit?”

    Me: “Is it a debit or credit card?”

    Lady: “Credit.”

    Me: *face meet palm*

    Related:
    It’s Not Exactly Rocket Science


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