October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Hollywood, M.D.

| Vancouver Island, BC, Canada | Health & Body, Math & Science, Movies & TV, Uncategorized

(A customer comes to the counter with a bleeding hand.)

Customer: “Have you got a first aid kit back there? I caught my hand and it’s bleeding.”

Me: “Of course. I’ll go get it.”

(I come back with the kit and take out some antibiotic ointment and some bandages.)

Customer: “Oh, I shouldn’t need the bandages.”

Me: “Are you sure? It’s bleeding quite a lot.”

Customer: “Well, that ointment will just fix it, won’t it?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “That stuff you’ve got in your hand, that’ll just heal it up right?”

Me: “This helps it heal faster and prevents it from getting infected, but it doesn’t heal it immediately.”

Customer: “Don’t you have the stuff that just fixes it right away?”

Me: “I don’t believe they have anything that does that, ma’am.”

Customer: “They do, I saw it before!”

Me: “Where did you see it?”

Customer: “I saw it on some movie. I don’t want that stuff there. I want the stuff I saw in the movie. Just get that stuff and fix this already, will you?”

Decayed, Decades, Same Difference

| Cleveland, OH, US | At The Checkout, Money, Top

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return this pot, please.”

(The pot in question is in a box with our store logo on it, but the box looks older than me.)

Me: “Okay. Do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(The customer hands me a wrinkled, yellow receipt from the eighties.)

Me: “Ma’am, why do want to return this pot?”

Customer: “The lid gets too hot.”

Me: “So, you have used it, then?”

Customer: “Of course! I use it all the time. But the lid gets too hot, so I want to return it.”

Me: “Well, our return policy is limited to sixty days. You bought this twenty-three years ago.”

Customer: “But I have a receipt!”

Online Store, Meet Offline Brain

| Knoxville, TN, USA | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

(The customer is requesting that I order her some clothing that our store currently does not have in stock to be delivered to her home address.)

Me: “…and what is your home address?”

Customer: “Why do you need that?”

Me: “So that the clothes can be delivered to the correct address.”

Customer: “How do the clothes get to me from the computer?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t quite understand what you are asking.”

Customer: “I mean, all you have told the computer is my information. How do the clothes get from the computer to me?”

Me: “Well, the information goes to our warehouse and they will send the clothes to your address from there.”

Customer: “So the clothes don’t come from the computer?”

Me: “You mean directly from this computer?”

Customer: “Yes, of course. How do I get the clothes from the computer?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, it doesn’t work like that. We can’t store merchandise in our computers.”

Customer: “Well, your systems are too outdated! I will just go buy them from my home computer so I don’t have to wait for the warehouse to send me my order in the mail!”

A Hot Slice Of Obvious

| Pocomoke, MD, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [pizza place], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, can I have a half pepperoni, half sausage?”

Me: “Okay, will that be all?”

Customer: “Could you make sure that both halves are on the same pizza?”

There’s A Sucker Infected Every Minute

| Chicago, IL, USA | Technology, Uncategorized

(A customer is wondering why her anti-virus is asking her to purchase the program.)

Me: “What is the name of your anti-virus?”

Customer: “It is [name of a well-known fake anti-virus program].”

Me: “Ma’am, that is a fake anti-virus. Do not purchase that program because it will not protect your computer.”

Customer: “No! Why do you want me to disable my anti-virus? I will not get rid of it! It’s keeping my computer safe! I already purchased it three times and it still wants me to pay again! All I want to know is how to stop it from asking me to pay!”

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