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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Yes But No But Yes

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Top

    (A customer calls back to complain about an order of pizza that I, the manager, had made and she had just received.)

    Me: “Hi ma’am, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I am legally blind and my mother is looking at my pizza and saying the pepperoni, sausage and green pepper pizza is missing the sausage.”

    Me: “So your pizza is missing the sausage?”

    Customer: “Mom, it’s missing sausage right?”

    Mother: “Well… no. It has plenty of sausage on it… but there is a slice with just pepperoni!”

    Customer: “My mom says it has plenty of sausage on it, but there is a slice with just pepperoni.”

    Me: “So a slice has nothing but pepperoni on it?”

    Customer: “Mom, a slice only has pepperoni, right?”

    Mother: “Well… no, it is evenly spread out… but there are mushrooms on this pizza!”

    Customer: “My mom says it is evenly spread out, but there are mushrooms on this pizza.”

    Me: “So there are mushrooms on the pizza?”

    Customer: “Mom, there are mushrooms on that pizza, right?

    Mother: “Well, no…”

    Customer: *to me* “I’m sorry to have taken up your time…”

    What’s Black And White And Dumb All Over

    | Canada | Top

    Customer: “I would like to get a portrait of my dog done.”

    Me: “Okay, sure. I would love to do that for you.”

    Customer: “Do you always do your portraits in black and white? Because I would like it in color.”

    Me: “Sorry, no… I just work in pencil.”

    Customer: “So you can’t do color?”

    Me: “No, all my portraits are done in graphite pencil. I don’t paint or anything.”

    Customer: “Aw, well I really wanted it in color, but oh well… I guess.”

    (She then proceeds to hand me a picture of her pure white dog with a black nose.)

    Way Too Much Information

    | Boynton Beach, FL, USA |

    (I was ringing up a old lady when another old lady in my line recognized the first lady.)

    Old Lady #1: “Oh hey! I didn’t see you there!”

    Old Lady #2: “That’s okay… I didn’t recognize you with clothes on!”

    Me: “What?!”

    Spending Your Way Out Of Debt

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    Me: “Thank you for calling, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi there, I got these promotional cheques at 3.9% for my Visa card. I was wondering if I can pay my Visa bill with them.”

    Me: “No miss, the funds will be coming out of your Visa account. Therefore, you can’t pay the Visa with the same Visa account.”

    Customer: “Why? I don’t see why not…”

    Me: “… because the funds will be coming out of your Visa account. It doesn’t make it a lesser balance, it makes it a higher balance. Therefore, you can’t pay your Visa with the same Visa.”

    Customer: “I think this is stupid. I should be able to do whatever I want with my cheques.”

    Me: “Do you write yourself cheques with your bank account to yourself, and not have to pay for it?”

    Customer: “Well, no… that’s just silly.”

    Me: “Do you see how it works, then?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I guess. But I should still be able to do it!”

    Youth Is Wasted By The Old

    | Iowa, USA |

    (A very old lady, clearly hard of hearing and sight walks over to me.)

    Customer: “Young man! You don’t have any Canola Harvest butter on the shelf!”

    (I had stocked Canola Harvest margarine not 20 minutes earlier.)

    Me: “Are you sure? I was certain we had–”

    Customer: “You don’t have it. I already looked at your shelf.”

    Me: “They changed the label on the tub last week. You probably don’t recognize–”

    Customer: “I KNOW where it goes, young man. You don’t have it on the shelf!”

    Me: “Let’s go check one more time.”

    Customer: “You’re a buffoon, completely incapable! I need an adult… you should get me your manager!”

    (We arrive, I pull a tub of Canola Harvest off the shelf and hold it to her.)

    Me: “Here you go, ma’am. Canola Harvest.”

    Customer: “That’s NOT Canola Harvest! It comes in a white container! Get me your manager!”

    Me: *reading the tub* “Canola… Harvest. It’s a new label, is all.”

    Customer: “Oh, I see. You must’ve changed the label on me again. *laughs* You should’ve told me it was a different color, young man!”

    Me: *gun-finger-to-head*


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