You Say Communist, I Say Consumerist

| Ellensburg, WA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you have any clothes that aren’t made in China?”

Me: “Well, we can–”

Customer: *whispers conspiratorially* “Don’t you know that they’re all communists there?”

(She grabs a shirt off of the rack, and looks at the tag.)

Customer: “Ah. Made in Vietnam. Much better.”

(She walks off triumphantly.)

First Impressions Lead To Confessions

| Allston, MA, USA | Top

(I’m in the store office. From the camera screens, I can see a young man shoplifting. I hit the record, gathering evidence as he goes around the store. He is putting things into his pocket, jacket, etc. He next comes up to the back of the store, and knocks on the door to my office. I put the chain on the door before opening it.)

Customer: “Hi. I’m [name]. I’m here for the job interview.”

The Punishment Is Fitting

| Boston, MA, USA | Uncategorized

(There are no associates at our store just to clean the fitting rooms. It’s up to us to clean it out. I am checking the fitting rooms, when a mother and daughter come out. Clothes are everywhere. There are at least 20 pieces, inside out and on the floor.)

Daughter: *starts to pick up clothes* “Shouldn’t we clean this up?”

Mother: “No, honey. That’s their job. Leave it.”

(They walk out with one item in hand. They come back a moment later as I am cleaning.)

Mother: “Excuse me, miss. There is no one at the register. I need to buy this.”

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am. I was cleaning this up. Give me one second and I will be right there.”

Mother: *turns red* “Oh, yes. Take your time.”

Driving Home The Law

| Flint, MI, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer drives in to our car dealership.)

Customer: “I am an important lawyer, and I have a big case this morning! When I arrived at court, I couldn’t get my very important paperwork out of the trunk! My remote isn’t working! I demand that you fix it!”

Me: “That is very strange. So the key isn’t working either?”

(The customer turns three different shades of red, gets back into her car, and drives away.)

Clap-top Repair

, | MD, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I can’t get the microphone on my laptop to work. Do you think you could help?”

Me: “What were you trying to do with it?”

Customer: “I can’t get it to hear what I’m saying.”

Me: “That’s pretty common. The settings are probably a little off. Let me take a look.”

(I boot the computer. After switching a few settings, I get the microphone to work.)

Me: “There, you should be all set. The settings were just wrong. You should be fine now.”

(I clap into the microphone so she can see the sound bars going up and down. She thinks I am clapping in celebration of her now fixed computer. She begins to clap rapidly along with me.)

Customer: *clapping* “Yay! This is the best day ever!”

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