When Requests Have Both A Positive And A Negative Side

| Manchester, CT, USA | Uncategorized

(The power has gone out in the cafe.)

Customer: “I’d like a soda, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but since the power is out, we can only sell bakery products from the window.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s okay. I only wanted to use the wi-fi, anyway.”

(He sits in the corner, but comes back a few minutes later.)

Customer: “The wi-fi seems to be down. Could you reset it?”

Me: “No. sir. The power is out, so the wi-fi won’t work until it comes back on.”

Customer: “Don’t you have batteries for it?”

Devil In Disguise

| St. Mary's, GA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, and welcome to [restaurant]. I’m Amy, and I’ll be your server today.”

Customer: *glares at my necklace, which happens to be pentagon shaped* “No! You worship the devil! Get me a Christian to serve me!”

Me: “I don’t worship the devil. Actually, I–”

Customer: “I wont hear your witchy talk devil girl!” *sticks her fingers in her ears while her husband just gives me a smile*

Me: “I’ll just go and see what I can do for you.”

(I go to my manager and tell her what’s going on.)

Manager: *to me* “Oh, for Pete’s sake. Here, just put my necklace on.”

(The necklace is a cross. I go back to the table.)

Me: “Hello, and welcome to [restaurant]. I’m Amy, and I’ll be your server today.”

Customer: “Oh, thank the Lord. You should have seen the evil girl who was just here, with her black hair and wicked eyes!”

(She never noticed I was the same girl. Her husband never said a word, just had a weary look on his face. By the way, my hair is red.)

Download A Brain While You’re At It

| Cardiff, Wales, UK | Uncategorized

Me: “So you want me to hook up this computer to the internet?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay! First thing’s first: where’s the modem or router so I can connect the computer to the net?”

Customer: “I don’t have one.”

Me: “You don’t have one?”

Customer: “I thought you could download a modem off the internet for me.”

Pray None Of Her Patients Read This

| Mobile, AL, USA | Uncategorized

(I am installing a home security system for a new customer. All customers require a password that the monitoring service uses to verify their identity when the alarm is tripped.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am. If your alarm is ever tripped, our monitoring service will call the house to make sure help is needed. We need you to select a password for when they call.”

Customer: “Well, what password should I select?”

Me: “It just needs to be something easy to remember.”

Customer: “Can you suggest something?”

Me: “Well, what do you do for a living?”

Customer: “I’m a nurse.”

Me: “Okay, your password could be ‘Nurse’.”

Customer: “Hmm, I don’t know if I could remember that.”

Stupid Customers Really S(UK)

| Vernon Hills, IL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [store], how may I help you?”

Customer: “I can’t find the product I want online, but I can find it in the UK section. Can you get it here for me?”

Me: “Ma’am, we cannot do anything at the store level. You could try to order it online or try calling the UK directly.”

Customer: “But, do they speak English over there?”

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