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  • Best Bytes In The Bunch

    | Toronto, Ontario, Canada |

    (An elderly man approaches me to purchase a Mac laptop for his granddaughter.)

    Customer: “Hey, I have some questions about that laptop.”

    Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”

    Customer: “That laptop is an Apple, right?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “I’m buying it for my granddaughter, but she’s allergic to apples. Can I get the same one, but in another fruit?”

    Me: “…what? You do know that the laptops aren’t made of apples?”

    Customer: “Then why display only an apple? It should be a selection.”

    Me: “…I’ll get someone to help you.”

    The Logic Is Weak In This One, Part 2

    , | New Jersey, USA |

    (I’m ringing up a fairly high-end video card for a customer.)

    Me: “That’ll be $211.98 please…”

    Customer: “But the display showed it as $49.99.”

    Me: “Are you sure it was this card? This is a fairly new card.”

    Customer: “Yes, I picked it up, and it says the price is $49.99 below it.”

    Me: “Can you show me?”

    (We walk over to the video cards, and he shows me where he picked it up from. The shelf is marked $49.99, and it is the same manufacturer. However, it is a lower end card than the one he is holding.)

    Customer: “See, $49.99!”

    Me: “Sir, that price is not for that video card. You’re holding this one…”

    (I point to another shelf with the video card he picked up; it’s priced at $199.99.)

    Customer: “Well, it was on this shelf, so it was advertised at this price and you have to sell it to me for that.”

    Me: “I’m sorry for the confusion, sir, but sometimes customers pick things up and then don’t return them to their proper location.”

    Customer: “That’s not my fault! It was on this shelf, so you should sell it to me for $49.99.”

    Me: “Sir, how do I know it wasn’t you who put it on that shelf? Or for that matter, that it was on that shelf at all?”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “So, do you want the $49.99 one instead?”

    Customer: *defeated* “Yeah…”

    Related:
    The Logic Is Weak In This One

    Sure, But It’ll Make You Yelp

    | Portland, OR, USA |

    Me: “Tech support, how may I help you?”

    Caller: “I have to pay this fee and I need to get to y’all’s website.”

    Me: “Sure, our address is [website URL].”

    Caller: “I don’t want your address. I want to know where to go on my computer.”

    Me: “Sir, that’s the address of our site. All you need to do is type it in your browser’s address bar.”

    Caller: “Oh, so do I stick that in my Google?”

    Brawn Over Brains

    | Virginia, USA |

    (One day at the fitness club I manage, I am called to the front desk of our gym to answer a question for a member.)

    Me: “Hi, welcome to [fitness club]. Can I help you?”

    Gym member: “Yes, I was wondering if you can teach me to do what they are doing?”

    (The customer gestures to our pool, which has been emptied due to a crack and has several repairmen on the floor trying to fix it.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Teach you to do what?”

    Gym member: “To walk on the bottom of the pool like that.”

    Me: “Sir, those gentlemen are repairmen. They are fixing a crack in the pool floor.”

    Gym member: “Oh, so you have to be a repairman to learn how to walk underwater like that?!”

    Home Of The Disclaimer

    | Detroit, MI, USA |

    Customer: “…and I’d like extra tomatoes on my sandwich, please.”

    Me: “All right, that’ll be [price].”

    Customer: “Why is it so expensive?!”

    Me: “Well ma’am, you asked for cheese, bacon, and extra tomatoes. All those cost extra on the sandwich because they’re expensive products.”

    Customer: “But your policy says that I can have it my way! Why am I being charged?!”

    Me: “You can have it your way…you just have to pay for it.”

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