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    Be Careful What You Ask For

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    Me: “Hello, may I help you?”

    Customer: “I want a wheat sandwich, with everything you like in it.”

    Me: “Um, sir… you will be the one eating the sandwich, not me.”

    Customer: “I SAID I wanted a wheat sandwich with whatever YOU like in it.”

    Me: “Um… what kind of meat?”

    Customer: “Didn’t you just hear what I said? WHEAT SANDWICH WITH WHATEVER YOU WANT ON IT!”

    (I make the sandwich for the customer.)

    Customer: “That wasn’t so hard now, was it?!” *walks away*

    Coworker: “So… you like extra mustard and everything on it, especially jalapenos?”

    Me: *smiling* “I don’t like mustard, I don’t like hot stuff, and I hope he has a terrible nice time in the bathroom.”

    It’s What’s For Dinner

    , | Stanwood, WA, USA |

    Coworker: Welcome to [fast food burger joint], what’s your beef?

    Customer: “I ain’t got a beef, you got the beef. What’s YOUR beef?”

    Coworker: “I got the good beef. You want some beef?”

    Customer: ¬†”Yes, I want some beef, you gonna bring it?”

    Coworker: “Yeah, I’ll bring it, you payin’?”

    Customer: ¬†”Course I’m payin’, you makin’?”

    Coworker: ¬†”Yes we’re makin’.”

    Customer: ¬†”Good, how much?”

    Coworker: ¬†”You have to order first, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh yeah…”

    My Fellow Americans, You Are Crazy

    | New Hampshire, USA |

    Me: “That will be $**.**”

    Customer: “Why’d your prices go up?”

    Me: “Well, the cigarette tax just just went up.”

    Customer: “This sounds illegal.”

    Me: “The state tax on cigarettes just went up. We don’t have control over that.”

    Customer: “I know the President of the United States. ¬†I think I’m gonna give him a call.”

    Me: “Okay… have a nice day.”

    Almost As Bad As The Large Hadron Collider

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    Customer: “Hey, what’s the deal with this cherry slushie?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir?”

    Customer: “It’s WHITE!”

    Me: “Yes, sir…”

    Customer: “Why isn’t it RED?!”

    Me: “Sir, the watermelon flavor is red.”

    Customer: “That’s sacrilegious!”

    Me: “Sir, the color does not make a difference in the flavor.”

    Customer: “You should be ashamed!”

    Customer’s wife: “Okay, let’s just let the man do his job, it’s not his fault for the color of the slushies.”

    Customer: “It’s embarrassing!”

    Customer’s wife, to me: “I’m sorry…”

    Me: “Have a nice day.”

    Customer: “YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED!”

    Hoochie Grannies, Gotta Love ‘Em

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    (A little old lady is getting coffee. She is wearing thick blue eyeshadow, pink circles of blush, and bright red lipstick.)

    Me: “Here’s your coffee. That’ll be $2.75.”

    Little old lady: *gives me a $20* “Keep the change, dear.”

    Me: “That’s very generous, thank you!”

    Little old lady: “After work, go buy yourself some makeup. Just because you work at a coffee shop doesn’t mean you have to look like a slob!”


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