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    Shoplift And Drag And Haul Away

    | Georgia, USA |

    (Furniture stores typically require the sales staff to discretely follow customers in order to be on hand if there are any questions.)

    Me: “Welcome to *** Furniture.¬†Do you see anything you like?”

    Customer: “What’s that supposed to mean? What, you think I’m gonna take something? I got money.¬†I ain’t gotta steal nothing from your store.”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I was just checking to see if you needed any help. I didn’t think you were trying to take anything.”

    Customer: “I ain’t no shoplifter. I said I got money. What, you think I’m gonna try to take something outta here?”

    Me:¬†”It’s a furniture store, ma’am. If you can fit a loveseat in your pocket, you’re welcome to it.”

    Customer Of The Week: It’s The Icons

    | USA | Old Comics

    Customer Of The Week: It's The Icons
    Created by our friends at Quitting Time

    Original Story:
    When Nomenclature Goes Amok

    Airheaded

    | Orange County, CA, USA |

    (A man and his girlfriend are standing towards the front of the line to board an airplane. I’m a passenger who overhears their conversation.)

    Airline employee: “We are now boarding numbers 1 through 30.”

    (The man begins to walk away, but his girlfriend stays put.)

    Girlfriend: “Where are you going?”

    Man: “They called numbers 1 through 30.”

    Girlfriend: “But my number is 6!”

    Foldering The Blame

    , | Orlando, FL, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me, where are the red pocket folders? I don’t see them here.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we are all sold out of that color.”

    Customer: “Well, my son HAS to have one for his class.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we are all sold out. We may have more on Saturday.”

    Customer: “What do you mean by ‘may have?’ Don’t you know?”

    Me: “Well, they come to us in assorted colors. We don’t have a choice of what we receive.”

    Customer: “My son has been getting an ‘F’ every day from his teacher for the past week! He will keep getting an ‘F’ until he brings one in!”

    Me: “Have you tried the office supply store across the street?”

    Customer: “Is this how you treat your customers? It will be YOUR fault when he flunks out for this!”

    Hmm, I Think Someone Made A Phone Call

    | Delaware | Math & Science

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like… some pine.”

    Me: “Okay. What size do you need?”

    Customer: “Oh, just a regular board.”

    Me: “No problem. But lumber comes in different sizes. What size would you like?”

    Customer: “Just a regular size.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but there really isn’t a ‘regular size.’ Did you want to check and find out what size you needed?”

    Customer: “No, I just need an average size piece of wood.”

    Me: “Maybe I could show you our lumber so you could see which one looks right?”

    Customer: “Look, I just want a piece of pine! Or uh… fir. Or spruce.”

    Me: “Maybe you’re looking for 2 inch thick lumber? Or is it just 1 inch, like shelving board?”

    Customer: “No, that’s too short.”

    Me: “That’s how thick the lumber is. The shortest we carry is 6 feet. What is the board being used for?”

    Customer: “Just get me whatever everyone else uses, I guess.”

    Me: “That’s the thing. People use all different sizes. Maybe if I had some idea of what it was for, I could try to guess what you need?”

    Customer: “Why are you making this so difficult?!”

    Me: Okay… could it be 8 feet long? Maybe a 2 x 4 x 8? We have pine, spruce, and fir lumber in that size. And you mentioned all three of those, right?”

    Customer: “What does all that mean?”

    Me: “If you’re getting this for someone else, maybe you should call them. We have a phone you could use right here on the desk.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe this. Just forget it!” *storms off*

    (The customer returns 15 minutes later.)

    Customer: “Can I have a piece of 2 x 4 x 8 spruce lumber?”


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