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    For The Love Of God, Get GPS, Part 2

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | Geography

    Caller: “Hi. I’m trying to find you, but seem a bit lost.”

    Me: “That’s no problem. Do you approximately where you are?”

    Caller: “Nova Scotia.”

    Me: “That’s good, but I will need a bit more information. Are you in Halifax or Dartmouth?”

    Caller: “Canada.”

    Me: “Do you know which city you are in?”

    Caller: “Canada.”

    Me: “Canada is the country. Which area of the city are you in. Do you know which road you are on?”

    Caller: “No.”

    Me: “Where have you driven from?”

    Caller: “My aunt’s house.”

    Me: “Do you know your aunt’s address?”

    Caller: “She lives in Nova Scotia.”

    Me: “Can you see any signs or landmarks?”

    Caller: “I have some water on my right and some trees on my left.”

    Me: “Any shops or gas stations?”

    Caller: “No.”

    Me: “You will need to keep going straight and call me back as soon as you see a sign or can stop at a gas station or shop and ask for help.”

    Caller: “I thought you were guest services. Why won’t you help me?”

    Me: “I am trying, but need a basic idea where you are.”

    Caller: *shouting* “I’m. In. Canada!”

    Related:
    For The Love Of God, Get GPS

    Alternative 5-Year Calling Plan

    | Georgia, USA | Uncategorized

    (I am at the Admissions office at my University. A co-worker leaves a message with a younger kid telling them they’d “call back later” to speak to the adult.)

    Me: “Hello, [college]?”

    Caller: “Oh, this is a college?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am?”

    Caller: “Well then why were you telling my kid you were coming to our house?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t know what you mean.”

    Caller: “Someone called my house the other day from this number and told my 5-year-old daughter that they would “come over later.” Why would anyone be coming over later?”

    Me: “I believe they probably said “Call back later.” That’s what we usually say if a younger child answers the phone.”

    Caller: “Oh, so now you think my 5-year-old is dumb?”

    Me: “I never said that ma’am, we just usually don’t leave messages with young children.”

    Caller: “If my daughter couldn’t take a message, I wouldn’t let her answer the phone!”

    Me: “Well, with all due respect ma’am, she did tell you we said we would come to your house, which is not correct at all.”

    Caller: “Yeah, well your people should speak more clearly, she’s only 5! She gets things wrong sometimes!”

    Why Bikers Never Go By The Book

    | Spartanburg, SC, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like to get a quote on some motorcycle insurance?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. We are currently only writing personal auto. We are in the process of changing companies and should be able to write it soon.”

    Customer: “Wait, what?”

    Me: “We are only able to write personal auto insurance to insure a vehicle, not motorcycles.”

    Customer: “Well, it says very clearly in the phone book that you guys do motorcycle insurance.”

    Me: “We used to but at the current moment we don’t. We will be able to do so soon.”

    Customer: “Well, why don’t you guys take it out of the phone book then?”

    Me: “You mean, why don’t we take it out of last year’s phone book?”

    Customer: “Uh, yeah!” *hangs up*

    Yukon Not Believe This Juan

    | Canada | Uncategorized

    Me: “I need to see your Visa, ma’am.”

    Tourist: “What for? It doesn’t cost to go to Canada, does it?”

    Me: “Not your credit card ma’am, your Visa to enter the country.”

    Tourist: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “You need to have a Visa to leave the United States, ma’am.”

    Tourist: “I’m not leaving the United States!”

    Me: “Yes you are, ma’am, beyond here is Canada.”

    Tourist: “Canada isn’t outside the United States!”

    Me: “And what makes you think that, ma’am?”

    Tourist: “Because there’s no water between the two places! Its one big hunk of land!”

    Me: “Country borders do not have to be separated by water, ma’am. Both Canada and Mexico are different countries yet directly connected to the United States.”

    Tourist: “Well of course Mexico is a different country, it’s separated from America by water!”

    Me: “No it’s not, ma’am.”

    Tourist: “Ain’t you ever heard of the Gulf of Mexico?”

    Paint Strokes Of Genius

    | Virginia, USA | Uncategorized

    (We have a small version of the Mona Lisa for sale.)

    Customer: “How much is that?”

    Me: “15 dollars.”

    Customer: “Is it the original?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Oh. I’m trying to get my hands on the original.”

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