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    Not A Believer

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Liars & Scammers, Money

    Me: “Hello, can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, how much is an oil change?”

    Me: “$38.99.”

    Caller: “Okay, well usually I bring in a coupon and they give me money off, but I don’t have it with me this time. Can you just give me a discount?”

    Me: “No, we actually need to scan the hard copy itself to enter a discount.”

    Caller: “Well, what if I bring in a make-believe coupon?”

    Me: “A what?”

    Caller: “You know, a make-believe coupon?”

    Me: “Those are good for make-believe oil changes.”

    Winner Of The No-Door-Bell Prize

    | Halifax, NS, Canada | Extra Stupid

    Customer: “Why won’t the door open?”

    Me: “It opens like a normal door. It’s not automatic.”

    Customer: “I don’t get it.”

    Me: “Give it a push.”

    (The customer backs up and tries to ‘activate’ the door again.)

    Customer: “It won’t open!”

    Environ-mental

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Math & Science

    Me: “Ma’am, would you like a bag to carry any of these items?”

    Customer: “No, I’m an environmentalist. I don’t want to add to destroy our environment.”

    Me: “Ma’am, security for this store requests that everyone at least receive a bag to know that you’ve bought items here.”

    Customer: “You can’t tell me that I have to take a bag and I won’t have it. I refuse to contribute to the garbage problem!”

    Me: “Fine, would you like to keep these hangers that your clothes came with?”

    Customer: “No, just throw them out.”

    Thankful For A Thankless Job

    | Florida, USA | Movies & TV

    (I am working behind the concession stand on Thanksgiving day.)

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Can I buy some of that food over there?”

    (They point to the employee’s Thanksgiving food we have to eat between shows.)

    Me: “No, sir, I’m sorry it’s not for sale.”

    Customer: “Why not? That’s ridiculous.”

    Me: “Our families brought us that food for Thanksgiving since we have to be here instead of celebrating with them. I can’t sell it to you.”

    Customer: “You’re so selfish!”

    They Cry Real Tears Too

    | Keene, NH, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I watch as a customer unfolds every single shirt at a table, holds it up, and then puts it back. She walks to the next table and I begin refolding the shirts.)

    Customer: “Oh, wow!”

    Me: “Is something wrong, ma’am?”

    Customer: “No, nothing. I just didn’t realize they got real people to fold the shirts!”

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