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    Just Wanted To Be Extra Extra Sure

    , | Pittsburgh, PA, USA |

    (The power went out on campus. We have generator power in some parts of the school, particularly where I am. Then, an admin assistant calls…)

    Me: “Help Desk, this is ***, how can I help you?”

    Admin Assistant: “How can I shut my computer off?”

    Me: “Okay. The beeping you hear in your room is a UPS. It’s going to keep your computer powered on for only about 19 minutes at best, so it’s good you called. Go into your Start menu and shut your computer down through the shut down option.

    Admin Assistant: “Okay, where?”

    Me: *explains how to shut down a computer*

    Admin Assistant: “I don’t see where you’re talking about.”

    Me: “Okay, do you see your computer screen?”

    Admin Assistant: “No, it’s dark in here. It’s dark everywhere. The power went out.”

    Me: “Yes, I know. It’s out all over campus. ”

    Admin Assistant: “Yeah, so I can’t see anything in here. My computer is off.”

    Me: “Okay… your computer is off? Then why did you call? What do you need?”

    Admin Assistant: “I don’t know. I just wanted to know how to shut my computer down.”

    (I’m not kidding. This really happened. I’ve read similar stories on other web sites. But this is actually what happened to me when I was working a university help desk. Computer Science department, no less.)

    How About ‘W’ For I Dunno WTF I’m Doing

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA |

    (I greeted a customer in the ‘C’ section of the CD department.)

    Me: “Can I help you find something?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m trying to find a Red Hot Chili Peppers CD.”

    Me: “Well, that would be under ‘R’. I’ll show you.”

    Customer: “Oh. I was going to check under ‘H’ next.”

    Me: “…”

    Why Catch-22 Needs To Be Required Reading

    | California, USA | Top

    Customer: “I bought a computer from you guys not 3 weeks ago, and my internet isn’t working.”

    Me: “Well the computer itself seems to be operating perfectly…”

    Customer: “It is NOT working perfectly. I cannot get on the internet. ”

    Me: “I understand that; I just mean while the internet itself isn’t working, your computer is functioning properly.”

    Customer: “My computer is worthless without internet.”

    (Company policy is to direct her to her ISP for further assistance. So I try to get that info from her so I can give her a proper phone number.)

    Customer: “Why don’t you just fix it?”

    Me: “I’ve run out of things we can try.”

    Customer: “What is the ISP going to do?”

    Me: “They’ll walk you through a few things or at least tell you if there is an outage or other problems in your area.”

    Customer: “I bought this computer from YOU and YOU should be the ones fixing it.”

    Me: “It’s not the computer, it’s the internet. Unfortunately we’re not your internet provider. There’s really nothing more I can do for you.”

    Customer: “How much do you charge for internet?”

    Me: “We do not sell internet.”

    Customer: “Than who do I buy my internet from?”

    Me: “I don’t know. Verizon, perhaps?”

    Customer: “I suppose I should order some internet.”

    Me: “…you haven’t even signed up for it yet!?”

    Customer: “I wanted to do it on the internet.”

    Me: *head explodes*

    Come To Think Of It, He Is Pretty Incredible

    , | Glen Rock, NJ, USA |

    (I was in the store buying my comics when a lady walked in.)

    Lady: “Hi, can I get some comics appraised?”

    Worker: “Okay, what comics are they, and where are they?”

    Lady: “The comics are in my car. I’ve got a bunch of Marvel comics that I don’t need. I got a bunch of Spider-Man and I got the Fantastic Four from the ’50′s. Oh, I also got that comic… whats it called… The Incredible Hulk Hogan?”

    Worker: “You mean, the Incredible Hulk?”

    Lady: “Yeah, that’s it!”

    Me/My friends: “…”

    (As soon as she walked out the store, everybody started to laugh.)

    Brown-Skinned Savage, I Come From Distant Shores

    | Reno, NV, USA | Geography, Top

    (I was called by the cashier to help an elderly lady out to her car. As I was loading the trunk, she says…)

    Elderly Customer: “How do you say it? Muchas gracious?”

    Me: “Um, I’m not Hispanic.”

    Elderly Customer: “Oh, really? Where are you from?”

    Me: “I’m actually from Bangladesh.”

    Elderly Customer: “Really? Is that near Mexico?”

    Me: “No… it’s actually right next to India.”

    Elderly Customer: “Oh, I see…”

    (I finish loading her trunk.)

    Elderly Customer: “Thanks and aaadios!”

    Me: “…”


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