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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Mmm, Pasty Nerds

    , | Exton, PA, USA | Top

    (A woman in her forties walks in…)

    Customer: “I’d like $5 worth of games for a Nintendo DS and the system itself. This should cover it all.”

    (The customer puts $20 on the counter.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have any DS games for five bucks, and if you want a DS, you’re about sixty-five dollars short… $115 if you want a new one.”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Toys’R'Us has them for $15. You should price match.”

    Me: “Ma’am, we do not price match here, and even if we did, I’m only a seasonal employee and wouldn’t likely be allowed to.”

    Customer: *screaming* “Let me speak to your manager!”

    Me: “Alright…”

    (I go to get manager from the back room. She explains the situation. BTW, I’m a woman myself.)


    Manager: “I’d like you to leave the store, please.”

    Customer: “FINE! NERDS!”

    Tech Support, How I Miss Thee

    | Louisiana, USA |

    (Preface: One of our business’ locations lost power. I first spent an hour on the phone…)

    Me: “Your power went out? Did you shut down the computers or did they shut down on their own?”

    Them: “They just shut down, and now they won’t come up!”

    Me: “So you have power now? Are your TVs and radios playing?”

    Them: “Yes!”

    Me: “What I want you to do is go to the computer and find the power cord.”

    Them: “Okay, got it.”

    Me: “Trace it to the battery backup. You will find it plugged into the back of it.”

    Them: “Okay, found it.”

    Me: “Plug it into a receptacle other than the battery backup. Plug it into the wall receptacle.”

    Them: “Okay, done.”

    Me: “Now try to power the computer up.”

    Them: “Nothing.”

    Me: “Okay, there may have been a breaker that tripped. Do you know your way around your fusebox?”

    Them: “Yes.”

    Me: “Go look at it and see if anything is tripped. If so, reset it, okay?”

    Them: “Okay, hold on…”

    (After a few moments…)

    Them: “Nothing’s tripped and I got customers needing to make payments!”

    Me: “Okay, I will be there in a couple of hours.”

    (After a two hour trip, I arrive with a new computer in my backseat. The first thing I look at is the APC backup power supply. The problem? The computer was still plugged into the backup, but even better: they plugged the backup power supply into itself. Two hour trip, one minute solution.)

    The Not-So-Difficult Art Of Misdirection

    | Canada | Top

    Me: “Hello, ****** Fencing Club.”

    Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for some galvanized pipe.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I think you may be confused. This is a fencing club… you know, the sport. We don’t actually make fences.”

    Customer: “Oh… you see, I’m making a cage for a parrot. Do you have any galvanized pipe?”

    Me: “No, I don’t think you understand. We don’t have material for building fences, we do sword fighting here. It’s a sport. Foils, epees, sabres.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay… it needs to be galvanized so that it won’t chip if the parrot bites it.”

    Me: “I don’t think you’re following me. We don’t build fences here, and we don’t have pipe.”

    Customer: “Oh, I see… you see, I need to make the cage for a movie set, and it needs to be galvanized so that it doesn’t chip if the parrot bites it.”

    Me: *giving up* “Galvanized pipe, you say?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Try the Soccer Centre.”

    Customer: “The Soccer Centre?”

    Me: “Yeah, the Soccer Centre.”

    Customer: “Thank you!”

    Old Dames Have The Best Backhands

    | Columbus, OH, USA |

    Old Lady: “And how old are you, about sixteen?”

    Me: “I’m twenty-seven years old, ma’am.”

    Old Lady: “But… you’re so pretty!”

    Me: “Er, thanks.”

    (I guess I should try harder to look ugly from now on.)

    The Customer Is Not Always Happy

    | Windsor, ON, Canada | Top

    Customer: “Since you don’t have the laptop in stock that I want, here’s what I want instead: a bag, a decent one, and a USB stick, at least a 4 gig but I’d prefer the 8. All for free.”

    Me: “Uh, I can’t do that.”

    Customer: “I thought it was about making the customer happy! I am not happy. You have to make me happy!”

    Me: “So, let me get this right. Since you’re not buying anything today, you want free stuff?

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Well, this isn’t very good customer service at all. You guys say you run a business, but this is just s**t.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry you feel that way, but like you said, it’s a business. You don’t stay in business by giving things away!”

    Customer: *stalks off*

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