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    We Should Put A Cheesy Title Here But Then We’d Just Get Burned

    | Columbia, SC, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer orders nachos and comes back 20 minutes later.)

    Customer: “Excuse me.”

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah I just ordered these nachos and the cheese ain’t hot!”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am. The dispenser is supposed to keep the cheese hot.”

    Customer: “Well you see this?” *sticks finger in the cheese* “I should be burning myself right now!”

    No Longer An Eye For An Eye

    | Washington DC, USA | Uncategorized

    (I have just found a spare eyeglass case for one of our doctors.)

    Doctor: “Thanks, what do I owe you?”

    Me: “Eh, don’t worry about it. We usually charge, but I’ve got you covered my friend.”

    Doctor: “Oh! I guess next time you need a prostate exam I’ll try and hook you up.”

    Me: “Uh, thanks?”

    Go Flush

    | Connecticut, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello! What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “I need some more goldfish. I keep losing them.”

    Me: “You lose them? How do you lose your goldfish?”

    Customer: “They keep escaping when I clean the tank.”

    Me: “I’m afraid I don’t understand. How do they escape?”

    Customer: “Well, when I clean the tank I put ’em in the toilet. When I come back, one of them’s always swum down the hole!”

    Me: “I’m going to need to go over a few things with you before I sell you the fish.”

    Inn-Experienced Guest

    | Olympia, WA, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like a room for the night.”

    Me: “Okay, the rate for tonight is [price].”

    Customer: *confused*”You mean it’s not free?”

    Me: “No, it’s [price].”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Not free?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Do the people upstairs know about this?”

    Me: “Yes. They all paid the same thing.”

    Customer: *walking away* “Crazy people.”

    Related:
    Inn-Experienced Dialer

    Psychic Psycho(Deli)c

    | Loxahatchee, FL, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hey there, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: I”’d like half a pound of [brand that we carry] ham, and a quarter of a pound of [brand we do NOT carry] Swiss cheese.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but we don’t carry the brand of cheese you were looking for. Can I get you something else?”

    Customer: “What do you mean you don’t carry it? I just bought it here last week!”

    Me: “But we don’t carry it ma’am. We do have about five other Swiss cheeses to choose from.”

    Customer: “Are you stupid? I’m looking right at the cheese I want!”

    (I walk around the counter to see her pointing at the regular brand of cheese that we’ve always carried, not the brand she was asking for.

    Me: “Oh, you asked for a different brand. I’m sorry about that, I’ll just go ahead and cut it.”

    Customer: “No , this is what I meant I wanted. You should have known!”

    Me: “I should have known what you really wanted when you said you wanted something else?”

    Customer: “Of course! Isn’t that part of your job?”

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