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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Some Questions Should Never Be Asked

    , | Chico, CA, USA |

    Me: “Costume Design & Rental, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, do you guys have any costumes?”

    Me: “Yes, we have a 5,000 square foot warehouse.”

    Caller: “And do you rent them?”

    Me: “Yes, we do.”

    Caller: “How much is it?”

    Me: “It depends on what kind of costume are you looking for.”

    Caller: “I don’t know… can’t you just tell me how much it is?”

    Me: “Not without knowing what you want, no.”

    Caller: “Fine, whatever.” *click*

    (10 minutes later, they call back.)

    Me: “Costume Design & Rental, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Do you have any giant penis costumes?”

    Me: “… uh, no. I don’t think we do.”

    Caller: “Darn.” *click*

    They Should Also Slice, Dice And Julienne Fries

    , | Davis, CA, USA | Top

    Customer: “I am looking for some heels, in white. They also have to be dressy, like for a wedding…”

    Me: “No problem… we have some over here.”

    Customer: “But I need to be able to hike in them because it’s outdoors.”

    Me: “Uhh, maybe if we looked over here…”

    Customer: “It also has be open, kind of like a sandal.”

    Me: “We have some nice hiking sandals…”

    Customer: “But it has to be waterproof because it rains a lot where we are and I need something to keep the water out.”

    Me: “This might be difficult.”

    Customer: “Oh! And it has to be super comfortable, with excellent arch support.”

    Me: “We’re kind of limited here…”

    Customer: “And no backstraps, because I have plantar fasciitis and backstraps will just hurt all day.”

    Me: “So you are looking for a white pair of waterproof hiking sandals with no backstrap, but with heels and excellent arch support?”

    Customer: “You forgot comfortable.”

    Me: “I am sorry, could you repeat that?”

    Customer: “I said I needed them to be super comfortable.”

    Me: “And you’re serious? Have you ever seen shoes like this anywhere else?”

    Customer: “Well, I would think that’s your job.”

    Me: “I thought so too, but then again I am not a magician.”

    Customer: “That is very offensive! I demand to speak to your manager!”

    (Naturally, the manager was called, who promptly proceeded to laugh her out of the store.)

    Impersonating Your Boss: FAIL

    | Sydney, Australia |

    Woman: “I am speaking on behalf of my boss. He wants a tax statement… what do I need to do?”

    Me: “You need to put your boss on the phone so I can talk to him about this.”

    Woman: “No. ”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Woman: “He has given me verbal consent to speak on his behalf.”

    Me: “Well, unfortunately I wont be able to do that. I will need to speak to your boss directly.”

    Woman: “Why?”

    Me: “Because I need to do a security check with him to protect his privacy.”

    Woman: “What privacy?”

    Me: “… his personal information.”

    Woman: “He refuses to deal with you himself.”

    Me: “Unfortunately he will HAVE to deal with us himself for us to organise this statement for him. Verbal consent is not valid as we hold very private information about our clients.”

    Woman: *deepens voice, obviously attempting to sound like a man* “Okay then, my name is [boss' name], I was born on [birthdate] and this is my card.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am. I know that you are not your boss. We do need to speak to Mr. **** himself. Is there anything else i can help with?”

    Woman: “F**K YOU!”

    One Gets You High Speed, The Other Just Gets You High

    | Iceland |

    Coworker: “Tech support, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need LSD for my son. You have that, right?”

    Coworker: “Uh?”

    Customer: “You know, that high speed internet thing…”

    Coworker: *trying not to laugh* “You mean DSL?”

    Hopefully, She Got The House

    | Rhode Island, USA | Top

    Me: “Thank you for calling, how may I help you?”

    Guest: “Hi, yes, I’m calling because your hotel charged our credit card twice?”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, if I can have your name, I’ll look you up in the computer and we can get this straightened out.”

    Guest: *morphs into an uber-witch in 3 seconds flat* “Straightened out? D**n right you’re going to get this straightened out! You charged enough for that crappy little room, I’ll be d**ned if we’re paying for it twice! My husband works too hard for his money to be charged double for something like this! There wasn’t even a BAR there!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but if I can just have your name and the date you stayed–”

    Guest: “That’s just IT! I was charged on two separate DATES. My name is _______ and my husband and I stayed there on June 9th. There’s another charge on there for the 17th, I want this fixed!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. I understand, ma’am. I’m looking now, ma’am… okay, I see the problem. You did stay here on the 9th of June. I’m showing that someone by the name of [husband] stayed on the 17th.”

    (There’s dead silence for a moment, and then whispering.)

    Guest: “What?”

    (At this point my stomach falls into my shoes, because I can hear her mind ticking away, and I know something she doesn’t: another name is listed on the screen with her husband’s for the June 17th stay, and it’s NOT HERS.)

    Me: “Um… ma’am?”

    Guest: “I see. You’ve been very helpful.”

    Me: “Thank you ma’am. Can I help you with anything else today–”

    (At this moment the woman drops the phone but does not hang up, and I hear her begin to scream at someone, swearing in combos I never would have thought up. I hang up quickly and try to go about my business, making a note of it to tell my boss. Then I get another phone call…)

    Me: “Thank you for calling, how–”

    Guest’s husband: “I want to talk to your manager, you stupid little b**ch! You dumb little c**t, you probably just cost me my marriage and I am going to sue your s**thole hotel for every penny it’s worth! Do you hear me? Do you?!”

    Me: *click*

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.


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