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    5 Minutes And 9 Months

    | St. Louis, MO, USA |

    (The couple walked up to my line and the guy put his stuff on the belt first. Then, the girl put up a divider and her stuff.)

    Guy: “Sweetie, let me pay for your stuff.”

    Girl: “FINE!” *storms off*

    Me: *thinking to self* “What the #@&% is going on?”

    (I look at what she is purchasing and realize that the only thing she’s buying is a home pregnancy test.)

    My Husband, The Mind Reader

    , | Savoy, IL, USA | Top

    (I am almost done making a customer’s sandwich and I ask if she would like anything else on it…)

    Lady: “Yeah, just put whatever else you normally put on it.”

    Me: “Well, I can put on whatever you want me to put on. We don’t have anything that we put on every sandwich. In fact, most are rarely ever the same.”

    Lady: “Look, you don’t have to get smart! Just put whatever else you put on it.”

    Me: “Well, what do you want on it?”

    Lady: “That stuff that you always put on these!”

    Me: “If you just say what it is you want, I will put it on for you.”

    Lady: “That stuff you always put on it!”

    (The lady’s husband walks over.)

    Lady’s husband: “She wants pepper.”

    Oh Where, Oh Where Have My Role Models Gone

    | Parkersburg, WV, USA |

    Me: “How can I help you, ma’am?”

    Lady: “Yes, my daughter saw an ad for slip-n-slides in your store. I thought if you did have them, they’d be up here.”

    Me: “Um, no, we don’t have them.”

    Lady: “Ha! I knew it!”

    Me: “Yeah, we don’t have them here. Just small appliances up here.”

    Lady: “Yeah, my daughter is 12 years old, and she’s wrong. I can’t wait to tell her.”

    Me: “Heh… yeah.”

    Lady: “I can’t wait to rub it in her face. Mom’s right, and she’s wrong, FOR ONCE!”

    Me: *facepalm*

    Phrase Of The Day: Obesity Epidemic

    , | Montreal, QC, Canada |

    Customer: “Hi, do you work here?”

    Me: “Yeah, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you sell baby mayonnaise?”

    Me: “… no. Seriously, I don’t think it even exists.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay…”

    Beauty And The Beast

    | Charleston, SC, USA | Top

    Me: “Ma’am, could you speak up?”

    Customer: “Yes, sorry. So that’s a large pepperoni pizza and…”

    *incoherent screaming*

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Sorry. Do you have chicken wings?”

    Me: “Yes. Hot, mild, lemon pepper–”

    *incoherent screaming*

    Me: “Ma’am?”

    Customer: “Sorry. An order of hot wings, then. Do you have 2-liter drinks?”

    Me: “No, but–”

    *incoherent screaming*

    Me: “Could you ask your friend to please quiet down?”

    Customer: “He just needs some din-din before bed.”

    Me: “Children can be testy this late at night.”

    Customer: “Oh no, it’s my husband.”

    Me: “Is it too late to change your mind?”

    Customer: “Not yet. We got married today.”

    Me: “… congratulations?”

    Related:
    Ah, Marriage
    All Husbands Must Be Kept On A Leash
    Behind Every Man Is An Embarrassed Wife
    Behind Every Husband Is A Brutally Honest Wife

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.


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