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    You’ll Have To Connect At Baked Alaska

    | London, UK | Funny Names, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Hi, would you like to buy a ticket?”

    Customer: “Yes, when is your next flight to Oregano?”

    Me: “Oregano?”

    Customer: “Yeah, it’s in America. I think it’s a state?”

    (On my computer, I find the Wikipedia page for Oregano.)

    Customer: “Oh…I’m not dumb, I swear…”

    (Screen) Save My Internet

    | Oshawa, ON, Canada | Technology

    Me: “Hi my name is [name] from [company] internet tech support how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “My internet is down.”

    Me: “Alright what happens when you try to browse?”

    Customer: “Nothing, the screen goes black every time I leave the computer for a few minutes. And I have to hold down the power button for it to come back but that restarts everything!”

    Me: “Okay can you move the mouse?”

    Customer: “I tried that it doesn’t work!”

    Me: “Try pressing any key on the keyboard.”

    Customer: “Okay, the screen isn’t black anymore, but my internet is still down.”

    Me: “What does it say?”

    Customer: “Owner logged in.”

    Me: “Click on owner.”

    Customer: “Okay internet is working now.”

    Me: “Sir, that was your screen saver.”

    Customer: “I don’t know what that is, but thanks for fixing the internet. Bye!”

    A Few Knights Short Of A Round Table

    | Germany | Bizarre

    (I am a dressmaker who specializes in historical clothing. I have made several dresses to illustrate the evolution of fashion over the centuries. These dresses hang in the back of our stall, each labeled with the proper century.)

    Customer: *rushes up an points to the 15th-century dress* “Oh, that’s my dress there!”

    Me: “Yes, it’s beautiful, isn’t it? Would you like to try it?”

    Customer: “I’d like to buy it. It’s exactly my dress.”

    Me: “Your dress?”

    Customer: “Yes. I had past-life regression last week. And I wore this dress while I was waltzing with King Arthur 500 years ago!”

    Stupidity In Bloom

    | Long Beach, CA, USA | Food & Drink

    (We have run out of sandwiches that had meat and are only left with garden/veggie burgers.)

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “It’s a veggie burger, so there’s no meat in it. We call it a garden burger here.”

    Customer: “Garden burger? So there are flowers in there?”

    Half Past Wine

    | Scottsdale, AZ, USA | Food & Drink

    (It was past closing time, all the lights were off and the gate was half closed. I came out of the back to find a woman standing in the store.)

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we’re closed.”

    Customer: *slurred* “But I need to buy some peanut butter.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, you’ll have to come back tomorrow morning, we open at 10.”

    Customer: “I thought you were open till 9? You shouldn’t be closing early. That’s bad business.”

    Me: “It’s past 9, ma’am.”

    Customer: “But the bartender downstairs said it was another half hour until all the stores closed.”

    Me: “How long ago was that?”

    Customer: “It couldn’t have been too long. I only had a couple of drinks after he told me.”

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