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    Copycats…and Copy Dogs, Copy Sheep…

    | New York, USA | Crazy Requests, Math & Science, Pets & Animals

    Customer: “I need a book on cloning.”

    Me: “Okay…would you like a book on the ethics of cloning, or maybe the history of it?”

    Customer: “No, I need a how-to book on cloning animals.”

    Me: “Um…cloning is a pretty complicated process. You’ll need several years of college education to be able to clone an animal.”

    Customer: “No you don’t! That’s just what we’ve been told! I read about it, and you can do it with a turkey baster in your kitchen!”

    Me: “I think you’re thinking of artificial insemination…”

    Customer: “NO I’M NOT! I NEED TO CLONE MY DOG!”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “I have a boy dog, and I love him very much, but he’s a bad dog. I heard that girl dogs are much nicer, so I want to clone my dog and make a girl dog! STOP HIDING THE BOOKS FROM ME!!!”

    Me: *points to back corner* “Our science section is that way. Go knock yourself out.”

    Next Customer In Line: “How the h*** did you just keep your cool through that?”

    Always Right, Even When They’re Not Your Customer

    | Madison, Wisconsin, USA |

    Caller: “I’m having a problem with this adapter. Can you help me out?”

    Me: “I can certainly try. Can you describe it for me?”

    Caller: “Well, it hooks up to a TV and it has these two things coming off of it… I don’t really know how to explain it.”

    Me: “Well… maybe you can tell me what it does? I can go and grab a box off of the shelf and take a look at it.”

    Caller: “I still have the package. Would it help if I read off the model number?”

    Me: “That would be great.”

    (The customer reads me a model number that is longer than anything I have ever seen in my department and it occurs to me…)

    Me: “Sir, I don’t recognize that number. Did you buy this adapter at our store?”

    Caller: “No, you guys didn’t have it so I went to Circuit City instead.”

    Me: “Sir, I cannot help you with an item we don’t sell.”

    Caller: “Well, THANKS a LOT!” *click*

    Related:
    Always Right, Even If It’s Child Labor
    Always Right, Even When They Change Your God-Given Name

    The Ghost Of Christmas Freebies

    | Toronto, Canada |

    (At the cash till beside me I hear this exchange.)

    Customer: “You should be giving out candy canes.”

    Coworker: “Pardon me?”

    Customer: “It’s Christmas, you should be in the Christmas spirit! I want to know why you aren’t handing out candy!”

    Coworker: “Well, it’s very busy today and we’re understaffed. If we were to take someone off of cash, people would have to wait far too long to purchase their books.”

    Customer: “I don’t want to hear your excuses! Let me talk to your manager.”

    Coworker: “He’s right there, two tills down.”

    (My coworker takes the next person in line.)

    Customer #2: “What was she complaining about?”

    Coworker: “She was complaining that she wasn’t getting any free candy.”

    Customer #2: *jokingly* “In that case, can I have a free puppy?”

    Introducing The Xbox Air

    , | Cortlandt Manor, NY, USA |

    (Note: this was the holiday season that the Xbox 360 came out.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I would like to purchase the “Box 360″.”

    Me: “Oh, the Xbox 360. Well, unfortunately we do not have any more left in store to sell you.”

    Customer: *pointing at display box* “Then what is this? Are you lying to me? Is it because I’m old that you think you can get away with this?!”

    Me: “No, ma’am. Those boxes are for display purposes only.”

    Customer: “Well, I want one right now.”

    Me: “We don’t have any in stock, but I can special order one for–”

    Customer: “Now listen here, you idiot! I see this box right here and I want to buy my son the Box 360!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can’t sell you a display box. The only thing I can do is special order you one. However, I can guarantee it will be there before Christmas.”

    Customer: “I will take this Box 360 and I am not paying for it!”

    (The customer suddenly throws the display box, resulting in security coming over.)

    Me, to the little boy with her: “Is she usually like that?”

    Little Boy: “Yes, and if she would listen I wanted a PS2!”

    I Sense Another Frivolous Lawsuit, Part 2

    , | El Paso, TX, USA |

    (My checkout is right at the top of the escalators, with four kids ranging in age from about 7-13 were playing on them.)

    Me: “Guys, please don’t play on the escalators, you could get hurt.”

    (The kids go away for all of a minute, then return.)

    Me: “I asked you to please stop playing on the escalator.”

    (A woman emerges from a display a few yards away.)

    Customer: “Don’t tell my kids what to do!”

    Me: “Ma’am, then please keep them away from the escalators, its dangerous.”

    Customer: “Don’t tell me what to do!”

    (Just then, one of her little kids falls down the escalator.)

    Me: “You were saying, ma’am?”

    Customer: *storms off*

    Related: I Sense Another Frivolous Lawsuit

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