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    When Judgment Is Clouded

    | Scotland, UK | Crazy Requests, Military

    (We give weather forecast information for Royal Air Force aircrew officers for fast jet flying.)

    Caller: “Hi this is flying officer [name] with [squadron]. I need the weather for 5 hours time on the west coast.”

    Me: “So that’s the forecast pressure, wind and cloud cover?”

    Caller: “No, I don’t want the forecast conditions. I want the actual weather for 5 hours ahead.”

    Me: “I can only do actuals for what’s happened, but I can give my best forecast.”

    Caller: “No, that’s not good enough. I don’t want forecasts. I want to know what’s going to actually happen!”

    (Someone else takes the call.)

    Caller 2: “Hi this is [squadron] navigator. Sorry about that. Can I get the forecast conditions for him, please?”

    Driven To Recession

    | Cleveland, OH, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi, ma’am. Are you interested in buying a car?”

    Customer: “What kind of car is this?”

    Me: “This is the new [model].”

    Customer: “Wait! I haven’t seen one of those since the 1990’s!”

    Me: “Yes, our brand actually brought out a new–”

    Customer: “So you have a car here from the 1990’s, still have a new sticker price on it, and expect me to pay full price?”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s a new car.”

    Customer: “Do you think I’m stupid? You people know nothing about the car business! Why would you openly advertise that you couldn’t sell a car for over ten years? That tells me you’re an awful business!”

    Me: “But ma’am, it’s not a car actually from a decade ago. It’s a remake of that car. It was made this year.”

    Customer: “Either you’re a liar or this car company is a joke! This is why the recession took place, because of this!”

    I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here

    | Texas, USA | Top

    (I work in a library, but I had forgotten to take my name tag off after work when I went shopping.)

    Customer: “What aisle is baking powder?”

    Me: “Huh? Oh, I think it’s that way somewhere. I’m not really sure.”

    Customer: “Well you’d better find out for me. Isn’t that your job?”

    Me: “Oh, no, I’m sorry. I don’t work here.”

    Customer: “Yes you do! You have a name tag on!”

    Me: “Oh! No, I’m sorry, I work at the library, I just forgot to take this off.”

    Customer: *very angry* “I don’t want excuses! Just tell me where the d*** baking powder is!”

    Me: “I don’t know where it is. Go ask someone who works here.”

    Customer: “You’re going to tell me or else!”

    Store Manager: “Can I help you folks?”

    Customer: “Yes! Your employee here is being very rude!”

    Store Manager: “Sir, he doesn’t work here. Is there something I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Oh!” *turning to me* “Well why didn’t you say so?”

    Me: “I did. You were being a moron!”

    Customer: *turning back to manager* “You let your employees curse at customers like that! I want him fired right now!”

    Like Father, Like Run

    | Arkansas, USA | Uncategorized

    (A man brings in his father, who didn’t speak a word of English.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, how much are your rooms?”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t have rooms here.”

    Customer: “Oh, not your room, sorry. I mean, how much does it cost for you to take care of my father?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “He has some issues and, frankly, I don’t think I want him around anymore.”

    Me: “Sir, this is not a hotel or a nursing home.”

    Customer: “This isn’t Social Services?”

    Me: “No, this is [non-profit] Social Services, and we don’t offer what you’re looking for.”

    Customer: “Look, how much is it going to cost me to leave here today without my father with me?”

    Not So Sharp

    | United Kingdom | Uncategorized

    Caller “Hi, I asked you to pierce my daughter’s ears earlier, but apparently you won’t do it. I think that’s unacceptable!”

    (Note: the caller sounds about 14.)

    Me: “Okay, I’m sorry about that. If I can just confirm some details with you, I’ll note it down and you can send her back in. Can I get her name and date of birth?”

    (The caller confirms the name, and the date of birth as the 10th April 1996.)

    Me: “And can I confirm your date of birth please?”

    Caller “The 12th, of September, 1996.”

    Me: “…1996?”

    Caller *hangs up*

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