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    Destroying America, One Backwards Part At A Time

    | Columbus, OH, USA |

    (I’m working the returns desk, when a man comes in carrying a half assembled bookshelf and it’s box and slams it on my counter.)

    Me: “Hi sir, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’ve had it with this.”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “I’ve spent six hours. SIX HOURS! I’m trying to get this together, my kids are crying because it doesn’t look cool. I’ve tried it every way, and I’m not incapable, but this is impossible!”

    Me: “Hmm, it looks like some of the pieces were manufactured wrong. This appears to be upside down and this one the holes aren’t on the right side.”

    Customer: “That’s not the problem. The problem is someone pissed off an employee in China and he’s taking it out on me!”

    Male Insecurities Manifested In Mocha

    | Ohio, USA |

    Customer: “I want a mocha.”

    Me: “Okay, what size would you like?”

    Customer: “The biggest one. No froth on top, either.”

    (He pays and walks off. Assuming froth meant foam, which mochas don’t get anyways, I hand the cup to my coworker as she makes the drink. The customer returns as she finishes the mocha, adding the whipped cream on top.)

    Customer: “I said no froth! Froth is too girly!”

    Coworker: “It’s just whipped cream. I can scoop it off if you want.”

    Customer: “Nah… you can leave it on there. I just won’t tell anyone it’s in my drink!”

    They Charge Extra For The Tail End Of The Journey

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    Me: *on the phone* “Thank you for calling **** Airlines. This is ****, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “How much would it cost for my dog to travel with me?”

    Me: “It’s $50 per leg.”

    Customer: “Oh, she only has three legs, so how much would that cost?”

    Me: “…that’s $50 per leg, as in travel segments.”

    Customer: “…oh. Thank you.” *hangs up*

    Dreams Really Do Fall Through

    | Long Beach, CA, USA | Top

    (My co-worker and I are sitting at the front desk, waiting for something to do, and this girl walks into our office.)

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

    Girl: “Hi! I was wondering if you’d marry me?”

    Me: “Wait, what?”

    Girl: “Will you marry me?”

    Me: “I don’t even know you.”

    Girl: “Well, my name is ****.”

    (She then goes on to tell me her favorite things, her hobbies, and the name of her three-year-old pug. She even showed me a picture of it. Then she expected me to tell her about myself. I didn’t say a word, but my co-worker decided to join in the fun.)

    Co-worker: “His name is ****. He loves hockey, playing video games…”

    (This co-worker happens to be an ex-girlfriend, which is why she knows so much about me.)

    Girl: “Wow, I imagined you being so different.”

    Co-worker: “Nope, he’s really that lame.”

    Girl: “Never mind then.”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Taxation With Agitation

    | Clarksville, TN |

    Me: “Is that it for you tonight, ma’am?”

    Girl: “Nah, can I get a pack of cigarettes?”

    Me: “Sure. Can I see your ID?”

    Girl: “Ya know in high school, when we learned about the Boston Tea Party?”

    Me: “Yeah…?”

    Girl: “Well, they raised taxes on the tea, and they threw it in the harbor.”

    Me: “Yeah, I remember.”

    Girl: “Well, they just upped the taxes on the smokey treats…what’re WE gonna do about it?”

    Me: “I dunno…what do you think?”

    Girl: “Well, I don’t know…you’re the gas station lady – figured you’d have the answers.”

    Me: “Sorry, I don’t smoke.”

    Girl: “I PROTEST YOU THEN! I’M NOT GETTING ANYTHING HERE EVER AGAIN!” *stomps off*

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