About To Get A Fist For A Dollar

| Fort Knox, KY, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Top

Me: “Your total comes to $2.15.”

Child Customer: “Okay.”

(He slides his card, touches the key pad and reaches for his things.)

Me: “Hun, you paid through gift card and there wasn’t enough to cover it all. You’re short 46 cents.”

Child Customer: “Oh, um…can you just remove something?”

Me: “I can’t cancel a transaction in the middle of it.”

Child Customer: “Well, I don’t want the drink no more.”

Me: “Look, I’ll cover the rest but next time just make sure you know how much is on your card or ask us to check before hand.”

(I go through my pocket and pull out a dollar to cover the change after not being able to find enough change to cover the rest. I finish cashing it out and notice the kid’s still there, hand held out and ready to receive change back.)

Likely Not A Fan Of Spell Checking

| Brisbane, Australia | Religion, Technology, Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

Customer: “I want to return this laptop I bought from you yesterday.”

Me: “Oh really? Why? Is there a problem with it?”

Customer: “Yes there is! It has witchcraft in it!”

Me: “Witchcraft?”

Customer: “Yes! When I tried to install a program on it, it said it was starting a wizard. Wizards and witchcraft are evil! I don’t know why you would sell such things at a store like this!”

Me: “Ma’am, a ‘wizard’ on a computer is just the name of the program that helps the install process, it makes it quick so that it is like magic, hence the name ‘wizard’.”

Customer: “I don’t care about your make believe hull-a-b-loo religion! It goes against my beliefs to have anything to do with that type of thing! Now give me my refund so I can be out of this evil place!”

Me: “Sure ma’am, this way.”

Knocking The Door Of Opportunity

| Iowa, USA | Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, School, Uncategorized

Parent: "It’s ridiculous that I’m expected to give my information for my daughter to go to college. My parents didn’t pay for my college and I’m not paying for hers. I’m not giving it!"

Me: "Sir, these are the federal government’s regulations. According to the government, until your daughter is 23, married, or has a dependent of her own, she needs to provide your financial information."

Parent: "So, you’re saying if she gets married or knocked up, I don’t have to take care of her?"

Me: "Um…technically, yes."

Parent: *to daughter* "That’s it. You know what you have to do. You need to get pregnant now."

Daughter: *looking mortified and whining to her father* "Daaaad!"

Parent: "I’m serious. If you want to go to college then you’re throwing out your pills and getting yourself knocked up."

Married To No One Inn Particular

| Annapolis, MD, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

(I’m checking in a woman who walked into our hotel. We have 2 rooms left, and are one of the pricier hotels in the area.)

Me: “Your room will be [price] plus tax per night.”

Customer: “You don’t have anything cheaper?”

Me: “Not right now. We are almost sold out tonight.”

Customer: “Not triple A?”

Me: No, I’m sorry.

Customer: *mumbling* “My house burned down!”

Me: “I’m very sorry.”

Customer: *mumbling* “I’m dying!”

Me: “Uhm…”

Customer: “My husband just died!”

Me: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “He was in the military! I want a room for a hundred dollars less!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t ever offer rooms that low. There are hotels right across the street that do, though.”

Customer: “No! I want to stay here! My husband loves this place. It’s the only place he will stay.”

Me: “Your deceased husband?”

Customer: “Uh, no, the other one.”

Me: “Your other husband?”

Customer: “Just give me a room.”

(She gets keys, walks out of the hotel, and returns with a man.)

Customer: “See, he isn’t dead!”

Me: “I’m glad to see that.”

Customer: *to man* “She was trying to kill you!”

Personal Caller

| Maryland, USA | Bizarre, Technology, Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling customer service. My name is [name]. How can I help you today?”

Elderly Customer: “Are you a person? A real live person?”

Me: “Yes ma’am, I certainly am.”

Elderly Customer: “I got a person! I GOT A PERSON! Oh my goodness, I got a real person!”

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