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    Barking Up The Wrong Tree

    | San Diego, CA, USA |

    Me: “This is Mark, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I want a discount on my services.”

    Me: “I’d be glad to see if you qualify for a promotion on a new service–”

    Customer: “No, I mean on my current services.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t have any promotions like that; they’re only for new services.”

    Customer: “Well, this is bulls***! I shouldn’t have to pay for Spanish channels that I don’t watch and can’t understand. Let the Mexicans pay extra for those, not me!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we cater to our demographic, and California as a whole has a very large Hispanic population including MYSELF and my family.”

    Customer: “That’s terrible! I’m on a budget and don’t think I should be charged for these.”

    Me: “Again, I’m sorry ma’am, but that’s just how are services are offered.”

    Customer: “Well I’ll tell you this… you better watch out, because before you know it, a MEXICAN is gonna take your job!”

    Me: “… Alright then, ma’am. Gracias por llamar a *** que tenga un buen dia.” *click*

    Same Disgusting Difference

    | USA |

    Customer: “I need to return these bladder control pads. They won’t work for me.”

    Me: “Sorry, you can no longer return anything to this store of that nature.”

    Customer: “Why?!”

    Me: “Not only has it been opened, but you used a pad and put it back in the package.”

    Customer: “I didn’t use it! I only tried it on!”

    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 2

    | Alberta, Canada |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “I need a driver’s licence. ”

    Me: “Okay… you can come to our office; as it is Saturday, we are open ’till 12:30 pm.”

    Caller: “I can’t make it in time, can you fax me one?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir. It’s a plastic card and it can not be faxed or emailed. We also have to take your photo, so this can be done only in person.”

    Caller: “It was my birthday yesterday, so my licence is expired. Can’t you do it over the phone?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir, I can not send you a plastic licence over the phone.”

    Caller: “F*** you!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir. I can’t do that over the phone, either.”

    Related:
    Be Careful What You Ask For

    Choose Your Battles

    | Lake Creek, TX, USA |

    (Note: I’m about five-seven, one-hundred forty pounds and work at a video game store. My best friend is a foot taller, and about a hundred pounds heavier.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Uh yeah, I bought this stupid hockey-game, and I wanna return it ’cause I don’t like it.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sorry sir, but you can’t simply return a game because you didn’t like it.”

    Customer: “Uh… I mean, the game doesn’t work right.”

    Me: “Sir, you just told me that you didn’t like the game, not that it was defective.”

    Customer: *click*

    (Thirty minutes later, I’ve just opened the store and my best friend stops by. The same customer storms in with a game.)

    Customer: “Uh, yeah, I just called about thirty minutes ago, and some guy said I could get my money back because I didn’t like this game.”

    Me: “Sir, the person you spoke to was me. I’ll tell you now, as I told you then, you can’t get a refund for a game if you don’t like it. Nor can you get an exchange.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m just gonna have to come across the counter and kick your a**, you son of a b****!”

    My friend: “Hey, really quick, could I get your name and if you have any severe allergies to pain-killers?”

    Customer, to my friend: “Who the h*** are you, and what the h*** are you doing?!”

    My friend: “I’m his wrestling and sparring partner, and I’m calling you an ambulance.”

    (The customer leaves, quickly. And yes, my best friend is also my wrestling and sparring partner, for the past 3 years.)

    Chippendales, The Golden Years

    | Syracuse, NY, USA |

    (Four elderly men enter the store. They are all at least 70, balding, and at least one has a cane.)

    Manager: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

    Elderly Man #1: “Are those bagels hot, young lady?”

    Manager: “They’re pretty hot. They’ve been out about ten minutes.”

    Elderly Man #2: “But are they as hot as us?”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.


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