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    Napoleon Dynamite Goes To The Zoo

    | Quebec, Canada | Pets & Animals

    (I am in front of the tigers’ exhibit.)

    Visitor: “Excuse me, where is the lion?”

    Me: “There are on the other side of the park. Just follow the path to your right.”

    Visitor: “What? You don’t keep the lions and tigers together?”

    Me: “No. In the wild, they don’t live together.”

    Visitor: “But how do they reproduce? The male lion needs to be with the female tiger!”

    From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 3

    | Athens, GA, USA | Family & Kids

    (A six year old girl comes up to me very anxiously while waiting in line to get food.)

    Girl: “Ma’am, what’s this?”

    Me: “What’s what?”

    Girl: “This!” *I notice she’s holding her crotch*

    Me: “You mean your skirt?”

    Girl: “No, the thing under it!”

    Me: “I…I…I don’t know. Ask your mom.”

    Girl: “Ugh! I already did, and she doesn’t know either!”

    Related:
    From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 2
    From The Mouth Of Babes

    When (Not) In Rome

    | Boston, MA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

    Me: “Thanks for calling [executive car company]. How can I help you?”

    Caller:“I need to make a reservation.”

    Me: “Sure where is the pick up?”

    Caller: “A hotel called the George V?” *she pronounces it like the letter ‘V’* “It’s in Paris, France.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Caller: “Oh, wait. It’s called the hotel five!”

    Me: “That makes sense, since the V must be a roman numeral.”

    Caller: “Yeah, V must mean 5 in French. It was confusing to me and you because we are English.”

    Me: “Haha, yeah. That must be it…”

    Stuck In Retail H***

    | Westfield, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Religion

    Me: “Hello, how are you today?”

    Customer: “I’m rich with the love of the Lord.”

    (The customer places a pamphlet about religion on the register in front of me.)

    Me: “Oh…I’m sorry, but I’m not interested. Thank you.”

    Customer: “That is exactly why you need it. Sin is everywhere.”

    (I finish bagging the items and place the pamphlet in her bag.)

    Me: “Thank you. Enjoy the rest of your day!”

    Customer: “Go to h***!”

    Waiter Hater

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners

    (A man and his girlfriend walk in to our restaurant.)

    Me: “Hello, and welcome to [restaurant]. I’ll be your server tonight.”

    Customer: “Yeah. What happened to your nose?”

    (I instinctively touch my nose to feel if anything is wrong with it.)

    Customer: “Gotcha! I made you touch your nose.”

    Me: “Yes, very amusing sir. Now may I interest you in–”

    Customer: “You’re zipper is undone.”

    Me: “Oh, but I’m not wearing pants with a zipper.”

    Customer: “But you probably didn’t notice your pants are split open!”

    Customer’s girlfriend: “I’m sorry, I should have just left him at home with a bowl of kibble and water.”

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