October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Hiss-terical Contest

| London, UK | Pets & Animals, Top

(It is closing time. I come across a man in the reptile section staring intently at one of our pythons.)

Me: “Sir, just to let you know, the store will be closing in about–”

(The customer silences me and continues to watch the snake.)

Me: “Sir, did you–”

Customer: “I heard you. I’ll be out in a minute. This brat mcan’t last much longer.”

(The snake moves to the side, and so does the customer. It slithers back to its original position and he  suite. I notice his eyes are quivering all this time and he hasn’t blinked once.)

Me: “Sir, forgive my asking but are you trying to have a staring contest with Archie there?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “You do know snakes can’t blink, right?”

Customer: “Oh, now you tell me? I’ve been challenging this brat for the last ten minutes!”

Must Be That Time Of The Month

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Funny Names, Uncategorized

(A customer calls in to order tickets.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [theater], how can I help you?”

Caller: “I need to order tickets to see your show!”

Me: “Alright then, and which show were you looking for?”

Caller: “You mean there’s more than one?!”

Me: “That’s right, we have 6 shows in our season, and 12 from people who rent our space.”

Caller: “Well, I don’t like that many choices!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, ma’am. Maybe we can narrow it down. Would you like to see one of our current shows or something within the month?”

Caller: “What Month is this?!”

Me: “It’s January.”

Caller: “No, I don’t like January! What else is there?”

Me: *pause* “February?”

Caller: “Hmm. February. FEB-ruary. F-F-F-Feb. No, I don’t like that either!”

Translation Is No Small Feat

| Alabama, USA | Language & Words, Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [supermarket]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hey, can I speak to someone in the ladies wear department?”

Me: “That’d be me. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I bought some scrubs at another store and I was wondering what the ‘S/CH’ on the tag means?”

Me: “It means it’s a small.”

Customer: “But what does the ‘CH’ mean?”

Me: “It’s the Spanish abbreviation for small.”

Customer: “But ‘CH’; isn’t that American?”

Me: “The letters C and H are used in a lot of different languages, including Spanish.”

Customer: “Oh, how strange!”

Should Have Gone For (M)Academia

| California, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

Customer: “What’s in the White Chocolate Macadamia cookie?”

Me: “White chocolate and macadamias.”

Customer: “Oh, duh,. That was a stupid question.”

Me: “It’s okay, people ask me all the time what kind of nuts are in the ‘Chocolate Almond Joy’.”

Customer: “Oh yeah, ha ha! Walnuts!”

Overly Essaying The Situation

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Crazy Requests, Uncategorized

Me: “What can I help you with today, sir?”

Customer: “Well for starters, you can talk to that girl at the front desk. She made me fill out so much paperwork!”

Me: “I’m sorry. She must have been mistaken. Can you show me the forms you were asked to complete?”

Customer: “No. I don’t have them.”

Me: *confused* “Where are they?”

(The man proceeds to lead me to the front desk and gestures at the sign-in sheet where visitors are asked to write their name and zip code.)

Customer: “This! She made me write all this!”

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