No Pranks, Just Thanks

| Eugene, OR, USA | Awesome Customers, Top

(I am shelving DVDs in a library when a man comes in with a boy who appears to be autistic. The boy sees a movie about Thanksgiving.)

Boy: “Thanksgiving! I love Thanksgiving! I’m thankful… I’m thankful for… I’m thankful for my friends at school!”

Caretaker: “You’re thankful for your friends at school?”

Boy: “Yeah! Yeah and… and… what are you thankful for? Are you thankful for your friends?”

Caretaker: *no response*

Boy: “Are you thankful for me?”

Caretaker: “I’m thankful for you, kid. I’m more thankful for you than all my friends in the world.”

Boy: *smiles*

When Judgment Is Clouded

| Scotland, UK | Crazy Requests, Military

(We give weather forecast information for Royal Air Force aircrew officers for fast jet flying.)

Caller: “Hi this is flying officer [name] with [squadron]. I need the weather for 5 hours time on the west coast.”

Me: “So that’s the forecast pressure, wind and cloud cover?”

Caller: “No, I don’t want the forecast conditions. I want the actual weather for 5 hours ahead.”

Me: “I can only do actuals for what’s happened, but I can give my best forecast.”

Caller: “No, that’s not good enough. I don’t want forecasts. I want to know what’s going to actually happen!”

(Someone else takes the call.)

Caller 2: “Hi this is [squadron] navigator. Sorry about that. Can I get the forecast conditions for him, please?”

Driven To Recession

| Cleveland, OH, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, ma’am. Are you interested in buying a car?”

Customer: “What kind of car is this?”

Me: “This is the new [model].”

Customer: “Wait! I haven’t seen one of those since the 1990’s!”

Me: “Yes, our brand actually brought out a new–”

Customer: “So you have a car here from the 1990’s, still have a new sticker price on it, and expect me to pay full price?”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s a new car.”

Customer: “Do you think I’m stupid? You people know nothing about the car business! Why would you openly advertise that you couldn’t sell a car for over ten years? That tells me you’re an awful business!”

Me: “But ma’am, it’s not a car actually from a decade ago. It’s a remake of that car. It was made this year.”

Customer: “Either you’re a liar or this car company is a joke! This is why the recession took place, because of this!”

I Don’t Work Here Does Not Work Here

| Texas, USA | Top

(I work in a library, but I had forgotten to take my name tag off after work when I went shopping.)

Customer: “What aisle is baking powder?”

Me: “Huh? Oh, I think it’s that way somewhere. I’m not really sure.”

Customer: “Well you’d better find out for me. Isn’t that your job?”

Me: “Oh, no, I’m sorry. I don’t work here.”

Customer: “Yes you do! You have a name tag on!”

Me: “Oh! No, I’m sorry, I work at the library, I just forgot to take this off.”

Customer: *very angry* “I don’t want excuses! Just tell me where the d*** baking powder is!”

Me: “I don’t know where it is. Go ask someone who works here.”

Customer: “You’re going to tell me or else!”

Store Manager: “Can I help you folks?”

Customer: “Yes! Your employee here is being very rude!”

Store Manager: “Sir, he doesn’t work here. Is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: “Oh!” *turning to me* “Well why didn’t you say so?”

Me: “I did. You were being a moron!”

Customer: *turning back to manager* “You let your employees curse at customers like that! I want him fired right now!”

Like Father, Like Run

| Arkansas, USA | Uncategorized

(A man brings in his father, who didn’t speak a word of English.)

Customer: “Excuse me, how much are your rooms?”

Me: “Sir, we don’t have rooms here.”

Customer: “Oh, not your room, sorry. I mean, how much does it cost for you to take care of my father?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “He has some issues and, frankly, I don’t think I want him around anymore.”

Me: “Sir, this is not a hotel or a nursing home.”

Customer: “This isn’t Social Services?”

Me: “No, this is [non-profit] Social Services, and we don’t offer what you’re looking for.”

Customer: “Look, how much is it going to cost me to leave here today without my father with me?”

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