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    The Internet: Damaging Self-Esteem, One User At A Time

    | Winona, MN, USA |

    Patron: “I was trying to go to a website, and a message popped up that said, ‘This website may be trying to harm your computer. Do you want
    to continue?’”

    Me: “That’s just a warning message. If you know the website, you can just click ‘OK’.”

    Patron: “Yes, I know the website. My friend made it. I don’t think that message is very nice.”

    Me: “I assure you it’s nothing personal. That message just appears on websites the computer doesn’t recognize.”

    Patron: “Well, it’s not nice. That message scared me about my own friend’s website. Do you know somebody you can talk to about that?”

    Me: “The system’s warning message?”

    Patron: “Yes.”

    Me: “Of course. I’ll send them an e-mail about it right now.”

    (I pretend to type on my laptop until she leaves.)

    Please God, Let These Be Rhetorical Questions

    | Melbourne, Australia |

    Student: “Yeah, there’s something wrong with my academic transcript.”

    Me: “Oh, ok. What’s wrong with it?”

    Student: “It’s got fails on it.”

    (I start looking up his record on the database.)

    Me: “Yeah, I can see the fails. Did you pass those subjects?”

    Student: “No.”

    Me: “Okay, so you failed the subjects, and now they’re on your record as fails. That’s normally how it works.”

    Student: “Well, yeah… but can’t you, like, take them off? It looks bad!”

    Me: “…”

    Student: “How am I going to get a job?!”

    That’s What She Said

    | Abbotsford, BC, Canada |

    Me: “… so your purchase comes to [amount].”

    Customer: “Alright, on debit please.”

    Me: “Would you like a bag with that?”

    Customer: “Sure. I’ll just hold it open as wide as I can and you shove it in there.”

    Me: *laughs* “Have a nice day, ma’am.”

    It’s Okay, Let’s Find Some Toddlers

    | San Diego, CA, USA |

    Me: “How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I am looking for some dog food that is not animal tested.”

    Me: “Ma’am, all food made for animals has to be tested by animals. It’s dog food!”

    Customer: “You have got to be kidding me! Let me talk to your manager!”

    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 4

    | Missouri, USA |

    Customer: “Yes, I’ll have a beer and my wife will have a diet cola.”

    Me: “Sir, we have over 80 beers to choose from. Did you know which one you wanted? Maybe I can make a suggestion for you.”

    Customer: “Just bring me whatever you like.”

    Me: *returns with beer* “Here you are, sir.”

    Customer: “This isn’t what I ordered! Let me speak to your manager.”

    Manager: “Is there a problem?”

    Customer: “This little a**hole brought me a beer I didn’t ask for.”

    Manager: “What did you order? I’ll go get one for you.”

    Customer: “I said to bring me whatever it is he drinks.”

    Manager & me: “…”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    Related:
    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 3
    Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 2
    Be Careful What You Ask For

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