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    Always Right, Even When They Change Your God-Given Name

    | Portage, MI, USA |

    (I’m carrying out grocery bags for a middle-aged guy.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Customer: “I’m good, you?”

    Me: “I’m good, glad that it’s not snowing at the moment.”

    Customer: “So, your name is ***, right?

    Me: “Yeah.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m going to call you Samantha.”

    Me: “Um…”

    Customer: “So, how are you today, Sammy?”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “Sammy? Samantha? How are you?”

    Me: “Um…I’m good…” *walks away*

    Perhaps Multiple Choice Might Be Easier

    | Sydney, Australia |

    Customer: “I’m after some cold and flu medication.”

    Me: “Sure, do you take any other medication?”

    Customer: “Um… no… I don’t thi-… wait, yes, but it’s… actually no, no, I don’t.”

    Me: “Okay then, and are you allergic to anything?”

    Customer: “God, this is too hard!” *storms out*

    Surely, One Missed Anatomy Class Can’t Hurt…

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Top

    (A woman walks in with her daughter one afternoon.)

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “There’s something wrong with my daughter.”

    Me: “Oh?”

    Customer: “Her eyes keep closing on their own!”

    Me: “…ma’am, that’s called blinking.”

    It Burns When I Download

    | Spokane, WA, USA |

    Caller: “I’m having trouble downloading pictures in your program. ¬†My camera doesn’t appear in the list.”

    (I ask him some questions and determine that his camera is not compatible with our software.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, it looks as though you’ll have to download your pictures using the software that came with your camera. ¬†What program do you normally use?”

    Caller: “Chlamydia.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what was that?”

    Caller: “I usually download my pictures in Chlamydia.”

    Me: *stifling laugh* “Go into your start menu and read me the name of the program very carefully.”

    Caller: “Ok, it says cam-ee-dee-uh.”

    Me: “Oh, Camedia…”

    (I keep it together and manage to wrap up the call.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling *** technical support. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

    Caller: “Nope, I’ll just dowload my pictures in Chlamydia then. Thanks!” *click*

    A Penny Saved Is A Penny Spurned

    | Charlotte, NC, USA | Top

    (I worked at a upscale grocery store. We had recently ordered new price labels for the shelves and some of them had come in with the wrong price. We had turned these tags backwards on the shelves so that they could not be seen by the customers to prevent confusion.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, son.

    Me: “Yes ma’am, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “The milk is marked a different price than this tag says.”

    Me: “I am sorry about that ma’am, those are new tags and some of them have old prices on them. If you give it to me I’ll take care of it.”

    (Customer hands me the tag, I place it on the mount backwards so it cannot be read without removing it.)

    Customer: “What are you doing?”

    Me: “We have been placing all the incorrect tags backwards on the shelves so that when the manager does his walk around he can know which ones he needs to re-order.”

    Customer: “Well it was like that before. That’s why I turned it around.”

    Me: “Ahh… I’m sorry for the confusion. These tags are backwards because they are incorrect. The price marked on the items is the correct one.”

    Customer: “But I want the price on the tag, it’s less.”

    Me: “Ma’am there is only one cent difference.”

    Customer: “Yes, and I want it for the cheaper price.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am I am only a clerk, I can’t change the price for you. If you would like, I can get the manager.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous! You have to give me the cheaper price. I can’t afford to be nickel and dimed by you thieves.”

    Me: “Ma’am, as I told you, I will get the manager and he can give you the discount.”

    Customer: “Good, cause I can’t afford to pay the higher price.”

    (Manager has hear the commotion and walks up behind the customer.)

    Manager: ¬†”Ma’am, is there an issue?”

    Customer: “Yes, your clerk is trying to charge me more for this than the tag says it should cost.”

    Manager: “Ma’am, that tag was reversed because it was incorrect. How much is the difference so I can tell the cashier when you check out?”

    Customer: “The shelf says $2.12, but the bottle says $2.13.”

    Manager: “You called me over here over one cent? You have $400 worth of steaks in your cart, and you call me over here because you have to pay one cent extra for your milk?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    (Manager hands the customer a penny and walks off.)

    Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am.”

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