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    Pause For (Lack Of) Thought

    , | Waukesha, WI, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Fast Food Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yea, I’m calling about the nuts you put in my son’s ice cream.”

    Me: “Um, sir, we don’t sell ice cream here.”

    Caller: “Yeah, you did. I came in last night.”

    Me: “Sir, this is [Fast Food Restaurant]. We don’t serve ice cream here.”

    Caller: “Yeah, you do. For 49 cents. And you put nuts in my son’s ice cream! I’d like to speak to your manager!”

    Me: “You’re speaking to her.”

    Caller: “Oh, and you said you don’t serve ice cream here?”

    Me: “No sir, we don’t. I think you needed the number for [other restaurant] across the street.”

    Caller: You own both the restaurants?

    Me: “No sir, we don’t. We’re just us.”

    Caller: *long pause* “So what kind of desserts do you sell there?”

    Me: “Cinnamon Twists.”

    Caller: “I hate those things. What else you got?”

    Me: “Cinnamon Twists. That’s it.”

    Caller: “I heard you say that! What else do you have?”

    Me: “That’s it.”

    Caller: *longer pause* “Well, can you concoct something for me if I came in?”

    Me: “No, sir, we can’t do that.”

    Caller: “Oh…”

    Me: “Was there anything else you needed help with?”

    Caller: “No. Just to clarify, you don’t sell ice cream?”

    Me: “That’s right.”

    Caller: *long pause* “You should probably hang up now.”

    Indoor Trees Are An Absolute Debarkle

    | Saint Louis, MO, USA | Math & Science, Uncategorized

    (I am working in the garden shop. Note that we’re experiencing 60 mph winds.)

    Customer: "You people really have a problem out here!"

    Me: "I’m sorry sir, what seems to be the issue?"

    Customer: "You have trees blowing over all over the place!"

    Me: "I do apologize. We have been trying to contain them, but mother nature is winning."

    Customer: "Screw your mother nature! Just take them inside. It’s where they belong anyway!"

    A Poser By Any Other Name

    | Crystal River, FL, USA | Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

    Customer: "Excuse me…how much is this?"

    Me: "$24.99."

    Customer: "But the sign says it’s $19.99! Ha! So you have to give it to me for that!”

    Me: "Ma’am, the sign says $19.99 and up."

    Customer: "But it’s the law!”

    Me: "Ma’am, I assure you, it is $24.99."

    Customer: "Well, I’m a lawyer, and it’s the law!"

    Me: "You’re not a lawyer, are you?"

    Customer: "No. How did you know that?"

    Me: "There is no such law."

    Customer: “You’re too smart. I just thought I’d try to scare you into changing the price."

    Yukon Not Spend It

    | Alberta, Canada | Canada, Money, Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

    Customer: "Why is my credit card being denied?"

    Me: "Is it an American credit card?"

    Customer: "Yes, I’m from Texas and I’m traveling to Alaska."

    Me: "Credit card companies sometimes block purchases made in other countries if they don’t know you’re traveling."

    Customer: "But I’m not in another country."

    Me: "This is Canada, sir."

    Customer: "But it’s on the way to Alaska."

    Me: "I know sir, but it’s still another country, so you probably need to call your credit card company."

    Customer: "What stupid country is this?!"

    Me: "Actually sir, it would happen with any country you travel to because it’s a safety feature for your own security."

    Customer: "Well, if Canada wasn’t in the way of Alaska, this wouldn’t be a problem!"

    Related:
    Yukon Not Believe This Juan
    Yukon Spend It
    Yukon See It On A Map, Part 2
    Yukon See It On A Map

    Smoking Rate Gets Smokers Irate

    | Tennessee, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Uncategorized

    Customer: “I have a smoking fee on my bill but I didn’t smoke in the room!”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, the security officer last night saw you with a lit cigarette in your hand when he went to your room last night.”

    Customer: “Well, it wasn’t me! I didn’t smoke last night!”

    Me: “I’m really sorry, but if anyone smoked in the room last night we have to charge you for it since it was your room.”

    Customer: “But even if it wasn’t me?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Security said that someone was smoking in the room.”

    Customer: “But I put it out right away! I didn’t smoke any more after that!”

    Me: “So you did actually smoke in the room then?”

    Customer: “Can I just pay half the fee since I only smoked half the cigarette?”

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