Featured Story:
  • A Total Brazil Nut
    (1,450 thumbs up)
  • April Theme Of The Month: Losing My Religion!
    Submit your story today!

    Power To The People

    | Westchester, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Uncategorized

    (I work for a company that provides both phone support and on-site support for residential customers.)

    Caller: “Hello, I seem to be having an issue with my internet. It’s not working.”

    Me: “Well I’m sure we can fix that. First thing’s first–can we reboot the computer?”

    Caller: “I don’t know how to do that.”

    Me: “Well, by reboot, I mean restart. I believe you have a [brand] computer. That should be running [operating system], correct?”

    Caller: “It’s a something [brand]?”

    Me: “Just click on the start button in the lower left hand corner of the screen. Then select ‘Turn off computer’.”

    Caller: “I can’t find the start button.”

    Me: “Well it might just be hidden. How about we just turn the power off on the laptop.”

    Caller: “I don’t know how to do that.”

    Me: “Just press the power button on the computer. Hold it down, and the computer will turn off.”

    Caller: “I don’t know what the power button is.”

    Me: “How do you normally turn the computer on or off?”

    Caller: “I never have.”

    Me: (I check the records to reveal she’s had the computer for 6 months.) “Well, can you possibly find the power button on the computer? It could be on the side. It should be glowing green. It has the power symbol on it.”

    Caller: “What’s that?”

    Me: “It looks like this problem will require a tech to be sent out.”

    A Not So Pregnant Pause For Thought

    | United Kingdom | Family & Kids, Money, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Can I have an adult and two students for [film]?”

    (The film is rated ‘15’, and the two children with her look like they might not be old enough.)

    Me: “Can I just ask your dates of birth?”

    First Child: “September 1995.”

    Second child: “Umm…”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t sell you the tickets as your son can’t give me a date of birth to confirm he is 15.”

    Customer: “Oh, for God’s sake! He was born in August 1995. They’re my children. I think I know how old they are! Now will you sell us the tickets!”

    Me: “Wait, they’re both your children?”

    Customer: *annoyed* “Yes!”

    Me: “And they were only born a month apart?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “You have to be pregnant for nine months.”

    Customer: “Yes! So?”

    Customer: *realises*

    (The customer swears and walks off.)

    Honesty Is Not Always The Best Policy

    | Batesville, AR, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Top

    Me: “Okay, your total is $123.42.”

    Customer: “Did you remember to add my discount?”

    Me: “What discount?”

    Customer: “My five finger discount.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “My five finger discount. My son comes in here all the time and says he gets a five finger discount.”

    Babel-ing On

    | Chula Vista, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words, Uncategorized

    Me: “Welcome to [restaurant] I’ll be your server this evening.”

    Customer: “Habla español?”

    Me: “No sir, I don’t.”

    Customer: “Italian?”

    Me: “Nope.”

    Customer: “French?”

    Me: “Sorry, no.”

    Customer: “Well, then what language do you speak?”

    Dog Gone Crazy

    | North Miami, FL, USA | Funny Names, Language & Words, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

    (A customer who doesn’t seem to speak much English walks up to me.)

    Customer: “Where is chili?”

    Me: “Are you looking for chili mix or pre-made chili?”

    Customer: “Is chili in can?”

    (I tell him where to find the canned chili. A few minutes later, he comes up to me again.)

    Customer: “Sorry, I no find it. Help please?”

    Me: “Do you know what brand it was?”

    Customer: “It has picture of dog.”

    Me: “A dog logo? I can’t think of a brand that makes chili and has a dog logo.”

    Customer: “Is called… ah… What is it… um… [dog food brand]! Yes, that’s it! [Dog food brand] is name! The one with the dog!”

    Me: “Sir… [dog food brand] is a brand of dog food.”

    Customer: “Yes! Yes! Is chili with dog picture! Where is it? My family love it!”

    Page 1,814/2,599First...1,8121,8131,8141,8151,816...Last