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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Make Coffee, Not War

    | Northern Virginia, USA |

    (I work at a coffee shop that is NOT a certain well-known coffee empire. Our company name is clearly displayed out front, on the menu, on the register, on our aprons and we generally don’t look a thing like the other company.)

    Customer: “I’d like a medium mocha.”

    Me: “Okay, that’ll be $3.26.”

    (The customer pays, and comes to the end of the bar to pick up her drink.)

    Customer: “Wait a second. This isn’t Starbucks.”

    Coworker: “Nope, we’re *** Coffee.”

    Customer: “Well, never mind. I wanted Starbucks. Give me my money back.”

    Coworker: “I have your drink ready… give it a taste, and if you still don’t like it, we’d be happy to refund your money. ”

    Customer: “NO! Just give me my money back! This isn’t Starbucks! I wanted Starbucks!”

    Me: “Um, okay…”

    What Happens When You Assume

    | Michigan, USA |

    (I worked at a shop that did passport photos. There was a fifteen minute wait on the pictures, so people normally just left and came back…)

    Me: “That’ll be ready in fifteen minutes.”

    Customer: “I’ll come back. Do you need my name?”

    Me: “No, I don’t need it.”

    Customer: “You little snot. It’s ’cause there’s a black man in here!”

    Me: “Sir, I am not racist. ”

    Customer: “Oh, sure you’re not, you racist snot.”

    Me: “Sir, I have your picture. That’s why I do not need your name.”

    (The customer walked out and I never saw him again.)

    How To Lose Your Marbles In Style

    , | Florida, USA | Top

    (Our store used to have a completely gutted 1957 Chevy truck as a center piece. It was part of the store’s trademark. Walking down the store past the truck, I am stopped by an old man.)

    Me: “Sir?”

    Old Man: “Young lady, how much are you selling this truck for?”

    Me: “Sorry sir, the truck isn’t for sale. It’s owned by [company].”

    Old Man: “I’ll give you 100 dollars for it.”

    Me: “Sir, the truck is not for sale. I apologize.”

    Old Man: “All right…I’ll give you two hundred!”

    Me: “Sir, the truck is not for sale. And even if it was, it would be for a LOT more than 200 dollars.”

    Old Man: “Yes, I suppose you’re right… SAY! SOMEONE STEALING, LOOK!” *points behind me*

    (As I turn to look behind me, the man climbs the crates next to the truck, opens the driver’s seat door and gets behind the wheel.)

    Old Man: “WHOOOOOOOOO-HAW! CAN’T CATCH ME NOW, CAN YOU!” *swings steering wheel around and starts to make gun noises* “PEW PEW! PEWW PEW!”

    (Mall Security ended up being called, after the old man was “trying” to run us over. I wish I was joking.)

    Lesson Of The Day: Food Poisoning = Bad

    , | Austin, TX, USA | Top

    (Note: the FDA recently recalled tomatoes because of a salmonella outbreak.)

    Me: “… and what veggies would you like on your sandwich?”

    Customer: “Lettuce, tomato and onion, that’s all. And some mayo.”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, we’re not selling tomatoes right now, but I’ll put the rest of that on for you.”

    Customer: “What? Why can’t I have tomatoes?”

    Me: “Because the FDA is worried that they may be contaminated with salmonella and until we’re sure that ours are safe, we’re not allowed to sell them.”

    Customer: “Your tomatoes are contaminated?! How can you sell tomatoes that are contaminated? That’s disgusting! I can’t believe you!”

    Me: “Ma’am we’re *NOT* selling them.”

    Customer: “Well, why the h*** not?!”

    Me: “Because the FDA says they might not be safe and we don’t want our customers to get sick.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s stupid. I want tomatoes.”

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, but I suggest you leave off the mayonnaise, then.”

    Customer: “Umm… okay, why?”

    Me: “It tends to taste bad when mixed with salmonella.”

    Now That’s What I Call Love

    | Canada |

    Caller: “Yeah, I bought this tattoo kit from you guys the other day, and there’s stuff missing from it.”

    Me: “Stuff missing? Like what?”

    Caller: “Well, for starters, there’s no book with it… and I don’t know how to assemble it.”

    Me: “Book? What book? We don’t have books. We just sell tattoo inks, needles, machines… and assembly? Is there something not assembled in your kit?”

    Caller: “Yeah, it’s all in pieces… it’s a piece of crap!”

    Me: “Pieces? Did it get damaged during shipment to you?”

    Caller: “No, it’s just a bunch of pieces. There’s a power supply, foot pedal, a couple of tattoo machines… but I gotta put it together myself. That’s bulls***! I don’t know what I’m doing! You guys should have assembled everything for me before shipping.”

    Me: “You want us to assemble your tattoo shop for you? Wait a sec… did you say you don’t know what you’re doing?”

    Caller: “That’s right. I’ve never tattooed before. That’s why I thought there’d be a book with the kit.”

    Me: “You mean like, step one, put a picture on the skin, step 2 dip the needle in ink, step 3 tattoo the ink into the skin?”

    Caller: “Yeah, that’s it! Why didn’t you guys give me that kinda book when I bought the kit!?”

    Me: “So how are you expecting to learn to tattoo? Are you not doing a tattoo apprenticeship at a real tattoo shop, where they teach you to do this sort of thing?”

    Caller: “Nah… I just figured I’d start off tattooing my wife until I can figure it out…”


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