• A Pain In The Nugget
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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Try Not To Read Too Much Into It

    | Winchester, UK | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Funny Names, Holidays, Top

    (A six or seven year old boy comes into the children’s bookstore, his mother trailing behind him.)

    Mother: “Go on then! Ask! She won’t know what you’re talking about and then you can stop wasting my time!”

    Boy: “Hello!”

    Me: “Hello.”

    Boy: “I want a book.”

    Me: “Well you’re in the right place.”

    Boy: “It’s about a boy. Who lives with a caveman. He’s got a funny name beginning with ‘S’.”

    Mother: “There. Now you know there’s no such book.”

    Me: “That wouldn’t be ‘Stig of the Dump’ would it?”

    Boy: *jumping up and down* “Yes yes yes! I told you mummy!”

    Mother: “Don’t contradict me in front of my son!” *starts walking her son out of the shop and still talking to me* “You read too many books!”

    Asking The Eggs-pert

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

    (I am serving a table of 4, getting last customer’s order.)

    Me: “How would you like your eggs?”

    Customer: “How do people usually get them?”

    Me: “They get them whatever way they like them prepared.”

    Customer: “Can you name some of the ways?”

    Me: “Sure. Scrambled, sunny side up, over-easy, over-medium, over-well, poached, basted, soft-boiled, hard boiled, I think that’s all of them.”

    Customer: *long silence*

    Me: “Sir, what do the eggs you like best look like?”

    Customer: “Can you give me some examples?”

    Me: “Well, scrambled is yellow and fluffy, sunny side up the yellow is lightly cooked and the white isn’t all the way cooked, over-easy is the white part is all cooked, but the yellow is runny, over-medium is the white is all cooked with the edges a little crisp and the yellow a little thick, over-well is when the whites are cooked and a little brown and the yellow is cooked all the way through and dry.”

    Customer: “Which is the one where you can dip the toast in the yellow but there’s no goopy stuff?”

    Me: “Over-easy is the best option for that.”

    Customer: “That’s the way I like my eggs then.”

    Me: “Did you want me to write that down for you for the next time you go out for breakfast?”

    All of the customer’s friends: *in unison* “Yes, please!”

    A Mammoth Mistake

    | Alaska, USA | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

    (The gift shop I work in has many ivory jewelry and sculpture pieces. The ivory is from woolly mammoths that used to roam Alaska.)

    Customer: “Where does the woolly mammoth ivory come from?”

    Me: “The tusks are collected on the northern tundra by Alaskan Natives. The Natives carve the ivory and then sell it to us.”

    Customer: “I think it’s so great that people aren’t allowed to hunt the mammoths anymore! I hate hunters!”

    Blame A Lack Of Concentration

    | Alberta, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Excuse me.”

    Me: “Can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m trying to return this orange juice.”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “It’s brown.”

    Me: “Oh, wow. When did you purchase it?”

    Customer: “The 19th of this month.” *hands me her receipt*

    Me: “Miss, this receipt says you purchased this orange juice on the 19th of last year. You bought this 367 days ago.”

    Customer: “Yes, and it’s gone brown. I’d like a refund.”

    Me: “Did it not occur to you that orange juice would expire over the course of the year?”

    Customer: “I thought if I waited until the 19th of the month again, it would be okay.”

    In George We Trust

    | Raleigh, NC, USA | Language & Words, Uncategorized

    (I’ve just finished a transaction with a customer who only spoke Spanish, and am speaking to my coworker who translated for me.)

    Me: *to coworker* “I really should learn Spanish. So many customers come in and that’s all they speak.”

    Customer: “No, you shouldn’t.”

    Me: “It really would help. I have to get someone to translate every time I have a Spanish-speaking customer.”

    Customer: “But you aren’t in Mexico! You are in America!”

    Me: “Well, sir, America is a melting pot of all kinds of cultures and languages.”

    Customer: “But if you come to another country, you should learn the language they invented! George Washington invented English, and that’s what everyone in America should speak!”

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