(A young male customer is paying by card.)
Me: "We’re having problems with our machine at the moment, so when you put it in, just make sure you give it a good wiggle."
Customer: *mumbles* "That’s what she said."
Me: *I laugh*
Customer: "Oh God, did I say it out loud again?!"
Customer: “You don’t have much of a selection for ninetieth birthday parties.”
Me: “Not many people live that long. Most of our suppliers don’t carry anything past the sixtieth birthday decorations.”
Customer: “It’s all because of Obama, you know. With his health care system, they just put you out to pasture once you’re sixty-five, and that’s the end of you. He probably told everyone to stop selling things with eighty and ninety on it, so people won’t want to live as long.”
Customer: “This compensation thing means you can get a phone back, right? I shouldn’t even have to pay. It’s your fault my daughter doesn’t have a phone!”
Me: “I’m sorry to hear that Ma’am. Could you please tell me what happened and how it’s our fault? We’ll try to rectify it. Did it break for no reason?”
Customer: “Her teacher took it! She was texting me and the teacher confiscated it! She has no phone until they give it back.”
Me: “Most schools do operate a ban on cell-phones during school hours and inform the students. Ma’am, how is this our fault?”
Customer: “You lot told me when I bought it that it would be perfect for teenagers! There should be something to stop it being seen in school!”
Me: “And how do you suppose we do that?”
Customer: “You’re the techno-geeks, you should be able to make it invisible on and off or something! God! You just don’t work hard enough!” *stomps out angrily*
(A customer has just purchased some tickets and they’ve just been given their tickets.)
Customer: “Oh, before I go…if I eat my ticket, can you replace it?”
Me: “Uh, eat…your ticket?”
Customer: “Yes, I eat things, I can’t help myself.”
Me: “If you eat your ticket, then keep your receipt and we’ll be happy to replace your ticket.”
Customer: “Oh, okay thanks!”
(The customer walks away and then pauses and comes back to the ticket desk.)
Customer: “What if I eat my receipt and my ticket?”
Me: “Please don’t.”
Customer: “Oh, okay. Thanks!”
(This was back when the movie "Catch Me If You Can" came out. The movie poster has two large blue arrows pointing in different directions. A man buys a ticket and goes down the hallway to the theater. We see him again, walking the other way and looking angry. Finally, he comes up to the counter.)
Me: "May I help you, sir?"
Customer: "Yes, where are you showing this movie?" *waves
the ticket in my face*
Me: "Just down that hallway, sir…the second door."
Customer: "Don’t give me that! I followed the arrows on the poster, and they led me to the bathroom and then a closet!"