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    You’ve Got To Be Kitten

    | Newburgh, IN, USA | Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

    (A caller says she’s found a kitten and is getting information on our services.)

    Me: “…we also recommend spaying or neutering the kitten. This can be done around 4-6 months of age.”

    Caller: “What would the cost be for that?”

    Me: “A spay surgery runs about $100, and a neuter runs a little cheaper, around $70.  The spay is a bit more expensive because it’s more invasive and takes more time to do.”

    Caller: “Oh, okay. I would definitely do the neuter since it’s cheaper.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, the surgery depends on the kitten’s gender. If it’s a female, it’ll be a spay, and if it’s a male, it’ll be a neuter.”

    Caller: “Why the difference?”

    Telling Porkies

    | Wollongong, NSW, Australia | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    (A family sits at a table in a restaurant specializing in steak dishes.)

    Me: “Hi guys, welcome to [restaurant]. Let me just tell you about today’s special, the prime rib with–”

    Customer: “We don’t need to hear this. Just stop.”

    Me:”So, you already know about the special? Great! Would you like to start with any–”

    Customer: “No! We’re vegetarians!”

    Me: “Oh, alright, well we have a few vegetarian dishes on this–”

    Customer: “No! Listen, we know what we want already.”

    Me: “Okay, great. Go ahead.”

    Customer: “Finally! The kids will have the chicken nuggets, my husband will have the chicken burger, and I’ll have the chicken strip salad.”

    Me: “Sure. Anything else?”

    Husband: “I’ll have extra bacon on the burger.”

    Naturally Stupid, Part 2

    | New York, NY, USA | Math & Science, Technology, Uncategorized

    Caller: “I can’t access [cable channel]!”

    Me: “Okay, let me assess your problem. When was the last time you tried to access [channel]?”

    Caller: “It was last night.”

    Me: “Alright, was there any out-of-the-ordinary weather last night? Say, like a storm?”

    Caller: “Yeah, there was a thunderstorm. I had nothing to do, so I was trying to watch [channel name], but it wouldn’t let me! It was all fuzzy on the screen.”

    Me: “Sir, I think the thunderstorm interfered with your television power lines, which is why you couldn’t access your channel.”

    Caller: “But I thought your cable company was supposed to make me able to watch any channel in any weather! That’s the whole reason I switched!”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, nothing can prevent Mother Nature. When she strikes, we cannot do anything to bring back channels that may have been lost momentarily.”

    Caller: “Who’s ‘Mother Nature’? Is she the one sabotaging my TV?!”

    Related: Naturally Stupid

    Humor Is Generational

    | San Jose, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Uncategorized

    (A customer of about 85 years old approaches customer service. It is Father’s Day.)

    Customer: “Where do you keep your belts?”

    Me: “Over in the men’s department.”

    Customer: “And where do you keep your grooming sets?”

    Me: “In the men’s department as well.”

    Customer: “Oh thanks! I’m buying a Father’s day present for my Dad and Grandfather!”

    (I tell him he’s welcome and turn back to what I was doing. I noticed a few seconds later he’s still there.)

    Me: “Is there something else I can help you with?”

    Customer: *grinning widely* “Do you believe me?!”

    Obviously Not A People Person

    | New York City, NY, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    (We have booths at which we can only seat groups of 3 or more. There is a couple with their young child sitting in one. A couple came in and I went to seat them.)

    Me: “Hi, are you here to eat, or are you just having some drinks?”

    Customer: “Eating, can we take a booth?”

    Me: “Sorry, but we need to save them for groups of three or more.”

    Customer: “What about them?” *motions at the couple with their child*

    Me: “They have 3 people sitting there.”

    Customer: “What? Babies aren’t people!”

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