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    Free Cop Holder With Drink

    | Durham, NC, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Movies & TV, Top

    (A customer approaches the ticket drop, holding a half bottle of wine.)

    Me: “You cannot bring that in here, ma’am. That is against the law.”

    Customer: “What! I need to bring this in! I can’t just leave it in my car! There is a law about open containers being in cars in this state.”

    Me: “How did you manage to bring it all the way here, then?”

    Customer: “Oh, it wasn’t opened when I left. I drank it on the way here.”

    Me: “So you had an open container and you were drinking on the way here in your car?”

    Customer: “No! I hung the bottle out the window on the way here, and put my head out the window when I was drinking, so it doesn’t count!”

    Me: “Okay, I’m going to call the police now. You wait here.”

    Customer: “Okay! Is he going to hold this for me while I watch my movie?”

    How To Address The Proof Of Address

    | New Jersey, USA | Books & Reading, Uncategorized, Underaged

    Me: “Okay, for a library card I need ID the verifies your address.”

    Patron: *recites address*

    Me: “I need proof that is your address, like your ID or a bill.”

    Patron: *recites address again*

    Me: “I’m sorry. I need proof.”

    (The patron walks away and comes back with another patron.)

    Patron: “Will you please tell this lady where I live to prove it?”

    They’ll Never Survive Welsh

    | Manchester, UK | Funny Names, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

    (A tourist is in line to get a ticket.)

    Tourist: “Can I have a ticket to Loogahgbaroogah?”

    Me: “Sorry, where?”

    Tourist: “Loogahbaroogah.”

    Me: Sir, there is no rail station in the UK called Loogahbaroogah.”

    Tourist: “But…”

    Me: “Did you mean Loughbrough?” (It’s pronounced ‘Luffbruh’)

    (The tourist gets his ticket and walks off, followed by the next customer in line.)

    Next Customer: “It’s a good job he didn’t want my ticket. Return to Llanelli, please.”

    America, Land Of The Not-So-Free

    | Houston, TX, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Would you like a free year of anti-virus for this computer?”

    Customer: “No, that is too expensive! In my country, we can get it for about $16 USD!”

    Me: “Well, in this country you get it for free when you buy a computer.”

    Customer: “No, it’s too expensive. You give me a deal?”

    Me: “I can charge you $16 US Dollars for the anti-virus.”

    Customer: “Okay! You see? You gave me a deal.”

    Inching Away From Intelligence

    | Ireland | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hi. I’d like to return my 13″ laptop please.”

    Me: “Alright. Any particular reason you want to return it?”

    Customer: “I thought the screen would be bigger, so I want to buy a larger one instead.”

    Me: “So you thought your 13″ laptop was going to have a bigger screen?”

    Customer: “Yeah. When I was buying it online it said ‘widescreen’.”

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