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    No Wonder We’re In A Financial Meltdown

    , | United Kingdom |

    (I sell insurance. Sometimes, bank managers will ring up with customers who are in the bank. In this case, the bank lady was doing all the talking because the woman was partly deaf.)

    Me: “Good morning, *** insurance, how can I help you?”

    Bank manager: “I’m with a lady who’d like a quote, please.”

    Me: “Yup, no problem. Could I speak to her briefly?”

    (I talk to the customer and get her permission for the bank manager to do the quote with her details.)

    Me: “Okay, can I take her surname, please?”

    Bank manager: “My surname or hers?”

    Me: “Hers, please…” *she gives it* “… and her date of birth?”

    Bank manager: “Mine, or hers?”

    Me: “Hers…” *she gives it* “… okay, and her postcode.”

    Bank manager: “Why do you want my postcode?”

    Me: “I don’t. I want her postcode. It’s her policy, so I need her details.”

    (You get the general idea. This continued, right up until the very end of the insurance quote.)

    Me: “So, the price for the year is ***.”

    Bank manager: “I’d have to pay that?!”

    Me: “…”

    Whole Grain, Half A Brain

    | Omaha, NE, USA |

    (At our natural foods store, a customer swipes her card through the debit machine and is looking at me funny.)

    Customer: “Um… where is the stylus?”

    Me: “This machine doesn’t have one; we have a pen to sign anything. Did you want that as credit?”

    Customer: “No, I want to enter my pin number but I don’t understand how I am supposed to do that with no stylus.”

    Me: “Oh, well… you just press the buttons.”

    Customer: “You mean I have to use my fingers?!”

    Me: “Yes, you use your fingers…”

    Raceless Accusations

    | New Braunfels, TX, USA |

    (At our hotel, the doors are locked at 10 pm due to a recent robbery and all transactions are done after that time through the teller window.)

    Me: “Honey, can I use the bathroom?”

    My husband: “Sure.” *lets me in and re-locks the door*

    (A customer comes to the door after seeing me go in and is redirected to the teller window.)

    Customer: “So, why do I have to check in through the window but she gets to go in?”

    My husband: “I went ahead and let her in since was just wanting to use the restroom.”

    Customer: *angrily* “Is it because I’m [race]?!”

    My husband: “Well, sir, it may have something to do with the fact that she’s a very small girl who couldn’t possibly pose a threat to me, but mostly it’s because she’s my wife.”

    Customer: “… Oh.”

    He Uses The Google

    | Saskatchewan, Canada |

    Me: “Thank you for calling *** Services, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “I am an old man who does not understand anything about computers. Something is wrong… can you help me step by step?”

    Me: “Yes, I can. First off I need to know somethings about your computer…”

    (After about 5 minutes he hands the phone to his son who is a self-proclaimed computer software technician.)

    Customer’s son: “Hey, this is ***. I know about computers so you can speak all the Internet jargon you want.”

    Me: “Alright. First off, what web browser are you using?”

    Customer’s son: “Well I am on Google, so Internet Explorer.”

    Me: “… Sir?”

    Customer: “Yeah, since I am on Google, I’m obviously using Internet Explorer.”

    Me: “Can I speak with your father, sir?”

    Related:
    He Wants The Google
    She Uses The Google, Part 2
    She Uses The Google

    A Nation Of Size Queens

    | Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada |

    (I work at a tourist information booth set up along the path by Niagara Falls.)

    Tourist: “Excuse me, ma’am. How do I get to the falls from here?”

    Me: “The Falls? They’re just behind me. That one is the Canadian Falls, also known as the Horseshoe Falls, and that other one’s the American Falls. ”

    Tourist: “Why is the Cay-nay-dian Falls bigger than ours?”

    Me: “Geography, I suppose.”

    Tourist: “I think you have it wrong. The big one MUST be the American one.”

    Me: “No, that one is the Canadian Falls.”

    Tourist: “This is insane! I’m going to write my congressman and demand that that there big falls should be ours! You Cay-Nay-Dians shouldn’t have the big one!”

    Me: “You’re going to annex our Falls? Really?”

    Tourist: “H*** yes I am! I have more of a right to it than you do!”

    Me: “But… it’s in my country.”

    Tourist: “Well, we’ll just see about that!” *storms off*


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