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    All Signs Point To No

    , | Oregon, USA |

    (A customer pulls up and parks in a handicapped spot in front of the store.)

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I’ll take a fresh squeezed orange juice.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry sir, we just cleaned our juicer and the chemical that we use had to dry or else it’s toxic. We won’t be able to squeeze any juice until tomorrow.”

    Customer: “What the f***? This is the second time this has happened.”

    Me: “Well, we clean it a half hour before we close–”

    Customer: “You should put up a sign!”

    Me: “Oh, um. Well, I’ll mention that to my manager–”

    Customer: “PUT UP A SIGN!”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t have the authority to do that, but I’ll–”

    Customer: “JUST PUT UP A SIGN!”

    Me: “Oh, and you’re parked in a handicapped zone.”

    Customer: “THEY SHOULD–”

    Me: “Yes, they have a sign up, sir.”

    So Much For Being Patriotic

    | Adelaide, Australia |

    Customer: “I’m looking for a clock radio.”

    Me: “Certainly. Our clock radios are over on these shelves here. Is there any particular style or brand you’re looking for?”

    Customer: “This one looks alright. It’s made here, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, I believe that one is manufactured in China.”

    Customer: “S***, you’re kidding! Well, what about this one?”

    Me: “That’s also a [electronics brand], ma’am; that’s also made in China.”

    Customer: “S***, I DON’T WANT ANY BLOODY CHINESE S***. SHOW ME ONE THAT ISN’T CHINESE!”

    Me: “Well, this particular model over here is a [another reputable electronics brand], with all of the same functions.”

    Customer: “Not from China?”

    Me: “No, this one’s made in Japan.”

    Customer: “S***, I TOLD YOU I DON’T WANT ANY F****** CHINESE GARBAGE! *points to first radio* “Just give me that one there.”

    Me: “Uh… ma’am, that one is made in China, and the last one wasn’t…”

    Customer: “DO YOU THINK I GIVE A S***?!”

    Well Played, Indeed, Part 2

    | Orange County, CA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [costume store], how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, do you guys have costumes?”

    Me: *sarcastically* “No, I’m afraid we’re a tax accounting service.”

    Customer: “Oh. Can I write off a costume rental on my taxes?”

    Related:
    Well Played, Indeed

    Bagging For Trouble

    , | Ontario, Canada |

    (I was standing in line behind a group of girls who had bought a pack of pencils.)

    First girl: “Can we get a bag?”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, I’ve already given you one. I’m afraid I can’t give you another.”

    Second girl: “Why not? The woman ahead of us got three bags!”

    Cashier: “Yes, and all three of them were full. I can’t give you another bag.”

    First girl: “That is bull****! You gave her all those bags and can’t fork over one more for me?! ”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry… no, I can’t. She needed the bags for the items she purchased. ”

    (The third girl grabs a pack of gum and throws it on the counter.)

    Third girl: “Fine. If we get this, can we get another bag?”

    Cashier: “No, you can fit that in your first bag. There are other customers wait–”

    First girl: “F*** you! You’re just doin’ this ‘cuz we’re teenagers! This is age discrimination!”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, but–”

    Second girl: “We want to see your manager!”

    Cashier: “I need to help other customers in line. I’m sorry I can’t–”

    First girl: “You need to help me, b****! I’m asking you for a bag!”

    Cashier: “Store policy is–”

    Second girl: “We don’t give a s*** about your store policy! Just give us a d***ed bag!”

    (I was in a hurry and by this time I just wanted to get out. Figuring any plastic bag would do, I emptied one that I had already.)

    Me, to the girls: “Here, you can have this one. I don’t need it.”

    Third girl: “Excuse me? Did I ask YOU for help?”

    Me: “No, but if it’s a plastic bag you want, I honestly don’t need it.”

    Second girl: “Would you mind your own business?”

    Elderly woman behind me: “Jumping Jesus, young lady, it’s a plastic bag! You could find one in a garbage can if you wanted it that badly!”

    Moms: Gotta Love ‘Em

    | Texas, USA |

    (My mother told me this story, which happened to her as a cashier when she was in college.)

    My mom: “Are you going to pay for that other Coke?”

    Male customer: “What Coke?”

    My mom: “… The one in your pants?”

    Male customer: “That’s not a Coke, that’s my penis!”

    My mom: “If that’s your penis, I am going home with you right now!”

    Male customer: *slams coke on the counter and walks out*

    Related:
    Grannies: Gotta Love ‘Em
    Dads: Gotta Love ‘Em


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