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    Ah, Grandmothers

    , | Ohio, USA |

    (I was working in the fitting room and overheard an obviously frustrated grandmother and her 7 year old granddaughter yelling at each other.)

    Grandmother: “Put on your d*** pants!”

    Girl: “No! I don’t want to!”

    Grandmother: “1…2…3…”

    Girl: “Nooooo! I hate you!”

    Grandmother: “Well, I hate you too, so we’re even!”

    Related:
    Ah, Mothers
    Ah, Fathers
    Ah, Fathers, Part 2

    A Blasphemer In The Church Of Chocolate

    | Anchorage, AK, USA |

    Me: “Merry Christmas!”

    Customer: “That’s just garbage!”

    Me: “Happy Hanukkah?”

    Customer: “None of that s*** means anything!”

    Me: *still trying to be cheerful* “All the chocolate is half-off
    tomorrow!”

    Customer: “I don’t like chocolate!” *glares*

    Rescue 911, Transylvania Edition

    , | West Palm Beach, FL, USA |

    (Note: South County is a psychiatric institution.)

    911: “911, what is your emergency?”

    Caller: “Yeah, I’m sorry to bother you but I am checking into South County tomorrow. I’m afraid to go cause there is a guy who works there who wears a star and says he’s a vampire.”

    911: “People are allowed to be vampires if they want to be, ma’am.”

    Caller: “Oh yeah? What if he tried to bite me?”

    911: “Did he try to bite you?”

    Caller: “No.”

    911: “Give us a call back if he tries to bite you.”

    Healthy Without The Hassle

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    Me: “Would you like any soup or salad?”

    Customer: “Yes, a garden salad please.”

    Me: “All right, would you like any dressing?”

    Customer: “Ranch. Oh, and can you make sure that the garden salad doesn’t have any vegetables?”

    Me: “No vegetables?”

    Customer: “Yes. No vegetables at all. No tomatoes, no lettuce, no carrots, no vegetables!”

    Me: “But ma’am, if you order a no-vegetable garden salad, then all you’ll have is the dressing.”

    Customer: “…garden salads are vegetable salads?”

    Howard Hughes Goes Shopping

    | Plainville, MA, USA |

    (I had just finished a customer’s transaction, and was gathering up the change.)

    Me: “All right, your change is ****.”

    Customer: “Wait…I don’t like people touching my money…is there any way I can just take it out of the drawer myself?”

    Me: “…um, no.”

    Customer: “But what am I supposed to do? I don’t want you to contaminate it with germs!”

    Me: “…get a debit card?”

    (He leaves with his contaminated money, quite annoyed.)

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