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    Less Than Meets The Eye

    | Tennessee, USA | Extra Stupid

    (Our laser tag equipment works on radio waves. The laser is only there to see the general area you’re aiming for. Two customers approach me.)

    Customer #1: “Will these blind you if you get shot in the eye?”

    Me: “No ma’am. It’s a very low powered beam. It is a bit disconcerting when you get tagged in the eye, but that’s just your eye adjusting suddenly to the bright light in the darkness.”

    Customer #1: “Are you sure it won’t hurt your eyes?”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, to do any damage at all you would have to stare down the barrel and shoot yourself in the eye repeatedly.”

    (Customer #2 immediately looks into the barrel and holds down the trigger.)

    In CyberSpace, No One Can Hear You Scream

    | Oshawa, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [internet company], you have reached [name]. How can I help?”

    Customer: “The internet isn’t working again!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry to hear that, how long has it not been working?”

    Customer: “Since all the weird lights last night!”

    Me: “Oh okay, well what are the lights on the modem doming now?”

    Customer: “How am I supposed to know, its covered in tinfoil!”

    Me: “Ma’am that a terrible fire hazard! You need to unwrap that now!”

    Customer: “Absolutely not! Its the only way to keep the aliens out! I would rather burn the house down than allow them into my computer!”

    Me: “I’m sorry…aliens?”

    Customer: “Yes, aliens! And those weird lights outside, I told you! That’s why it’s not working!”

    (I hear her handling aluminum foil and a dog barking in the background.)

    Customer: “So are you going to get me a new modem or not?”

    Me: “Certainly, just a moment.”

    Customer: “That’s what I thought! Now hurry up! I need to go rewrap the dog!”

    Lost A Sense Of Irony

    | Wildwood, NJ, USA | Liars & Scammers

    Customer: “Hi, can I check your lost and found? I think I left my phone here the other night.”

    Me: “Sure.” *gets out box* “Here you go.”

    Customer: *rummages through the box* “Whoa!”

    (She finds a very expensive MP3 player and begins to pocket it.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you said you left your phone here.”

    Customer: “Yea so? I still want this.”

    Me: “But it’s not yours, someone else lost it and will probably be looking for it.”

    Customer: “Well if they were stupid enough to lose something so expensive they don’t deserve to have it! Oh, here’s my phone!”

    (She walks away with her brand new iPhone 4.)

    Maybe He’s A Werewolf

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Bizarre

    (I work in a shoe store, men’s department.)

    Me: “Good morning, just let me know if you have any questions today.”

    Customer: “Thank you. I am looking for shoes.”

    Me: “Well, you are in the right store. What kind of shoes?”

    Customer: “Shiny grey.”

    Me: “You mean a silver shoe?”

    Customer: “Exactly! But let’s just call it shiny grey.”

    Try Explaining That To Your Insurance Agent

    | Aurora, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Top

    (I work in security at a huge outlet mall. Occasionally, shoppers can’t find their car and we drive them around looking for it.)

    Customer: “It seems my car was stolen. It definitely isn’t where I parked it.”

    Me: “Okay, let’s drive around and just make sure it isn’t here.”

    Customer: “This is ridiculous. I was here a year ago and it got stolen then, also!”

    (We drive around the lots and all of a sudden she starts yelling.)

    Customer: “Oh my god I don’t believe it! It’s here!

    Me: “That’s your car?”

    Customer: “No! I mean yes! That’s my car from last year. That’s right, that IS where I parked it!”

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