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    This Can Not End Well, Part 2

    | Huntsville, AL, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***, how can I help you today?”

    Caller: “Do y’all sell erotic films?”

    Me: “… No, sir.”

    Caller: “Hmm. You know where I can get some bullets?”

    Me: “Nowhere within a hundred miles of here!” *click*

    Related: This Can Not End Well

    Stupidity Can Go Either Way

    | Florida, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me. Do you have any left-handed golf balls?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I’m left-handed, and I need a left-handed ball. I don’t want my balls curving to the right all the time.”

    Me: “All the balls are the same. They’re round, and they don’t have a hand preference.”

    Customer: “Don’t f*** with me. I already had to search through all your clubs for a left-handed one, so where’s your left-handed balls?”

    Me: “…the dark green and the orange balls are left-handed.”

    Customer: “See? Was that so hard?”

    Me: *facepalm*

    You Can’t Always Love What You Do

    | Richmond, VA, USA |

    (While closing up shop alone one night, two gentlemen walked in and the following conversation took place.)

    Customer: “So, uh…how much experience do you need to groom dogs?”

    Me: “Well, none to start out. They start you as a bather, and then after about three months they send you through an academy to learn how to groom dogs.”

    Customer: “You gotta go to school for this?”

    Me: “Yes – it’s actually not as easy as it looks.”

    Customer: “You make a lot of money?”

    Me: “Well, that’s hard to say. We work on commission so…it just depends on how many dogs you can do in a week.”

    Customer 2: “You think if you’ve got a cruelty to animals charge, they’ll let you work here?”

    Me: “…no.”

    Bridging The Cultural Gap, One Angry Customer At A Time

    | Boston, MA, USA |

    Me: Hello, my name is ****. How may I assist you today?

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m trying to watch the baseball game, but it’s in Spanish. I don’t speak Spanish.”

    Me: “OK sir, have you tried to remove the SAP function on the TV? If you don’t know how, I can walk–”

    Customer: “Listen, I have had you people tell me this over and over again! I want a valid reason the game is in Spanish, and none of this ‘SAP’ junk.”

    Me: *gives up* “Well sir, the real reason is many of the players are not from America. How are they supposed to know what’s going on if the game is broadcast in English?

    Customer: “Thank you! At least one person there knows what’s going on. Have a nice day.”

    Me: “…”

    Please Burn Before Returning

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    (I work at a large outdoor equipment store. ¬†I had an older woman approach the register with a female urinary device — which is used for winter mountaineering, so that women can use pee bottles in their tents.)

    Me: ¬†”Howdy. Did you find everything you were looking for?”

    Customer: ¬†”Well, I’m looking at this — do they work well?”

    Me: ¬†”Uh, well, I imagine so, but I don’t have any experience with that product.”

    Customer: ¬†”Can I return it if it doesn’t work?”

    Me: ¬†”We have a 100% satisfaction guarantee on everything we sell here in the store. I will ask, however, that if you return it, you clean it first and double bag it!”

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