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    Those Darned Falling Gas Prices

    | Vallejo, CA, USA |

    Customer: “I paid for $21 and it stopped at $15!”

    Me: “Is it full?”

    Customer: “No, I paid for $21!”

    Me: *squeezes nozzle* “Okay… I got a couple drops in, but I really think you’re full.”

    Customer: “But I put in $21. Why won’t it fill up? I know it isn’t full!”

    (At this point I pull the nozzle out and gas comes shooting out of her tank like Coke and Mentos.)

    Customer: “There’s a hole in my car, what can I do?!”

    Me: “No, ma’am, you’re just full.”

    Customer: “WHY?! This never happens at other gas stations! I don’t understand the problem!”

    The Perfect Customer

    | Toronto, ON, Canada |

    (A customer wants a better plan than her current 150 minutes/month. I notice she never uses more than 100 minutes or so a month.)

    Me: ¬†”Well, Ma’am, since our plans have change and this amount of minutes seems to be perfect for you, I’m happy to tell you that I can give you the exact same plan for $30 a month and save you $10 a month.”

    Customer: “That’s not a deal. I said I wanted something better than what I have.”

    Me: “This is better. You’ll save $120 a year and based upon your usage, so this is perfect for you.”

    Customer: “How is this better for me if it’s the same plan? I don’t want to change.”

    Me: “So you don’t want me to change this to a $10 per month cheaper plan?”

    Customer: ¬†”I said NO! I don’t want to save money if I get no more minutes out of it.”

    Me: “Deal.”

    Label Whores

    , | Winchester, VA, USA |

    Customer: “I saw in your flier that y’all sell Swarovski crystal beads. ¬†Where would I find those?”

    Me: “In the beading aisle, ma’am. It’s the third up from the back, and the beads should be at the end nearest the wall.”

    Customer: “I already looked there! There aren’t any!”

    Me: ¬†”Oh, here they are, right here.”

    Customer: “Wait… are you sure?¬†Those don’t say Swarovski on them.”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, they do, right here.”

    Customer: “Show me the ones that say Swarovski on them!”

    Me: “These ones right here, ma’am.”

    Customer: ¬†”No, no, no! The ones that SAY ‘Swarovski’ ON THEM!¬†Not on the cardboard!”

    Me: Wait… you want them to say Swarovski on the bead itself?”

    Customer: “Yes, of course!”

    Me: “Ma’am, these beads are tiny. There wouldn’t be room to write ‘Swarovski’ on them even if they wanted to or could. ”

    Customer: “Well, then why bother?”

    All Signs Point To Duh

    | Australia |

    Customer: “I bought these games yesterday, and I don’t want them. I want my money back.”

    Me: “Sorry, but I can’t give you cash back. I can exchange them for credit so you can choose something else.”

    Customer: “I was not told that when I bought them.”

    Me: “Yeah, sorry… but we do have signs up.” *I point to two of these signs*

    Customer: “Well, I’m illiterate, so I couldn’t know! Now give me my f***ing money!”

    Me: “As I said, I am sorry, but I can only do it as credit.”

    Customer: “But, there was no way I could know that when I bought them! I’m illiterate!”

    Me: “Well, there was no way we could know that when you bought them. Perhaps you could get a sign?”

    Related:
    All Signs Point To No

    Perhaps She Should Talk To General Protection Fault

    | Hudson, FL, USA |

    Customer: “I am calling to let you know that you are running an illegal operation.”

    Me: “Pardon me?”

    Customer: “That’s right! My computer says so right on the screen!”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s a Microsoft error message that says, ‘Your program has performed an illegal operation’.”

    Customer: “There is nothing wrong with my computer! I have a 15 inch neck!” *hangs up*

    (I assume the customer was referring to her monitor… a 15 inch NEC.)

    Related:
    Lieutenant BSOD, Reporting For Duty


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