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    Customers Should Watch Their Language

    | Buenos Aires, Argentina | Language & Words, Technology, Top

    (I work in tech support for a major US cable company, and sometimes we have to deal with people who just don’t want to talk to you because you’re foreign.)

    Customer: “You know what? I can’t understand a word you’re saying. You have an accent. Can I be transferred to someone who speaks English?”

    Me: “I’m pretty sure I’m speaking English right now, sir.”

    Customer: “Yeah, but I can’t understand you because of your accent.”

    Me: “So, basically you’re saying you want me to transfer you to someone else.”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Because I have an accent.”

    Customer: “That’s right.”

    Me: “And you can’t understand what I’m saying.”

    Customer: “Exactly.”

    Me: “So how come you were able to understand what I just said?”

    *a few seconds of silence*

    Customer: “Don’t be an a**-hole and just transfer me!”

    Sounds Like They’ve Had Too Many Bottles Already

    | Memphis, TN, USA | Religion, Uncategorized

    (I’m working at a popular arts and crafts store as a cashier.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store], this is [name], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, do you have a chemical, or some sort of solution, for turning clear water into wine?”

    Me: “Uh… like… dyeing it to look like wine?”

    Customer: *completely serious* “No. Turning it INTO wine.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I think you’ll have better luck calling the church for that.”

    Prismatically Incorrect

    | Worcester, MA, USA | Funny Names, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hi, do your Renaissance cake toppers have Swastika crystals?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, do you mean Swarovski crystals?”

    Customer: “Yeah, those.”

    Penny For Your Thoughtlessness

    | Westchester, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Uncategorized

    (I am working as a cashier at a gourmet food store. A lady walks up with one item and a giant jar full of pennies. I ring her up.)

    Me: “That will be three dollars ma’am.”

    Customer: “Okay, here you go.”

    (She puts the jar down on the counter.)

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, what is the jar for?”

    Customer: “It’s how I’m paying. Are you blind?”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, do you have any cash?”

    Customer: “No I don’t! I’m just paying in pennies for the fun of it. Get counting!”

    (She proceeds to dump the pennies onto the counter. I finish counting out the 300 pennies.)

    Customer: “Could you have taken any longer?”

    (She storms off. The next customer walks up with just one item.)

    Customer #2: *without missing a beat* “I know this is going to be $5.01. Can you spare a penny?”

    Some Customers Are Completely See-Through

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

    (When a customer at the store uses a credit card, we always need ID and either the last four digits and/or the security code on the back.)

    Me: “Alright, sir, I’ll just need to see your ID and credit card for a second.”

    Customer: *hands me ID* “2-9-4-7!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I have to see the credit card for security reasons.”

    Customer: *shouting slowly* “2-9-4-7!”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I heard you. But I need to be able to see the card.”

    Customer: “No. No way. I never let anyone see my card. You people are just trying to take my numbers and use my card for yourselves! No way!”

    Me: “I promise you, sir, I will not be able to memorize your 16-digit number and know your security number by looking at the front of the card for less than two seconds.”

    Customer: “I know a girl who can do it!”

    Me: “Well, I do not have that kind of memory, but what if you put your finger over the numbers and just show me the name on the card and the last four digits? I absolutely must see the card, sir, or you will have to pay with a different method.”

    Customer: “Well…I guess that would be okay. You don’t have X-ray vision, do you?”

    Me: *laughs* “No, no I don’t.”

    Customer: “Don’t laugh! I know someone who does!”

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