Let It Rip

| Portsmouth, NH, USA | Uncategorized

(I work at a music store, which also sells tickets to local concerts. I have just finished selling tickets to this customer.)

Customer: “What happens if these get ripped?”

Me: “Most of the venues will still take the ticket as long as you have all of the pieces and the concert information is legible. If the tickets do get ripped, though, be sure to call the venue ahead of time. Just to be sure they’ll still honor them.”

Customer: “I went to [well-known amusement park] and they wouldn’t let me in because my ticket was ripped.”

Me: “Oh, that’s too bad.”

Customer: “I saw them ripping the tickets as people went in. I ripped mine while waiting in line, to save time. Do you know how this place will rip the tickets? I’d like to do it before I get there.”

Me: “I thought you were talking about accidentally ripping the tickets. Yeah, I have no idea how this place will rip the tickets. You really shouldn’t rip any tickets on purpose.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “You never know if the ripped ticket will still be honored. You might end up not getting in and wasting your money.”

Customer: “But it saves time!”

War On Knowledge

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Uncategorized

Caller: “Yes, I’m looking for something for my little grandson. He needs to dress up for school. Like someone from the civil war. Someone like George Washington. Do you have costumes or wigs or anything that could work for that?”

Me: “Well, first a clarification as to what you’re looking for. Are you looking for someone from the civil war? Or from the revolutionary war?”

Caller: “Right! Do you have anything like that?”

Me: “Well, George Washington would be the revolutionary war. Are you looking for something like George Washington for the revolutionary war? Or do you want something from the civil war?”

Caller: “Well, something from that time period.”

Me: “Well, you see that’s two different time periods. You mentioned George Washington. Is that what you want?”

Caller: “Well, I don’t know. He was one of the Presidents, right?”

*pause*

Me: “Right.”

Caller: “President of Virginia, or something like that? The state of Virginia?”

Not Quite As Fast As A Fox In A Fire

| New Zealand | Uncategorized

(The customer is having difficulty with our website. One of the common reasons is using an incompatible browser.)

Me: “Okay, maybe it’s a problem with your browser. What web browser are you using?”

Customer: “Mozzarella filofax.”

Flipping Around The Store Is A Flop

| CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Do you need help finding anything, ma’am?”

Customer: “Well, I bought these certain flip-flops 10 years ago, but you don’t seem to carry them anymore.” *wistful sigh* “They were so comfortable.”

Me: “You could always check out our website online. You might find them there.”

Customer: “Oh! That’s one of them nifty internet things, right?”

Me: “Sure.”

How To Fleece Customers

| Sydney, Australia | Top

Customer: “There are lots of different kinds of quilt fibres. Which kind is best?”

Me: “Well, generally natural fibres are best. Wool is particularly good. It’s warm in winter and cool in summer. Plus, wool is fire resistant.”

Customer: “Well, now that I think about it, I’ve never seen a sheep on fire.”

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