October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

In George We Trust

| Raleigh, NC, USA | Language & Words, Uncategorized

(I’ve just finished a transaction with a customer who only spoke Spanish, and am speaking to my coworker who translated for me.)

Me: *to coworker* “I really should learn Spanish. So many customers come in and that’s all they speak.”

Customer: “No, you shouldn’t.”

Me: “It really would help. I have to get someone to translate every time I have a Spanish-speaking customer.”

Customer: “But you aren’t in Mexico! You are in America!”

Me: “Well, sir, America is a melting pot of all kinds of cultures and languages.”

Customer: “But if you come to another country, you should learn the language they invented! George Washington invented English, and that’s what everyone in America should speak!”

It Also Adds Money This Way

| Michigan, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Uncategorized

Me: “Will this be credit or debit?”

Customer: “Credit.”

(I notice she has the card facing the wrong way.)

Me: “Alright, you just need to turn the card around.”

Customer: “Does that make it run as credit, then?”

The Problem With Dirty Words

| Texas, USA | Bizarre, Uncategorized

Me: “How can I help you?”

Caller: “Is this a joke?”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Caller: “Your company just did some landscaping for us and the dirt that you put in is dirty.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Caller: “The dirt is dirty.”

Me: “Is there trash or rocks in the dirt?”

Caller: “No, the dirt is just really dirty.”

Me: “So you want us to come out and replace the dirty dirt with clean dirt?”

Caller: “Yes, and I need it done as soon as possible. I don’t want it to make the rest of my dirt dirty too.”

SIN Number

| Glasgow, UK | Religion, Technology, Uncategorized

Me: “Good evening, you’re through to [name]. How can I help?”

Caller: “There’s something wrong with the PIN for my set top box.”

Me: “Oh, have you forgotten it?”

Caller: “No, I know it, I just don’t like it.”

Me: “So, you want to change it? You can do that from the box itself.”

Caller: “Oh no! I can’t, I won’t! It is an evil number! It is your sworn duty to change it for me!”

Me: “Okay. I can do that for you, no problem. So your current PIN is ‘0666’?”

Caller: “Yes! Why did you let the Devil change it? I haven’t been able to play back my recordings because typing that will taint my enjoyment of them!”

Me: “We didn’t, it’s based on the last 4 digits of your viewing card, it’s a random number.”

Caller: “You should really put something in place to stop evil forces from controlling your random numbers like that. It’s insensitive and careless!”

Remote Chance Of A Refund

| Missoula, MT, USA | Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, I would like to return this TV.”

Me: “Okay, what seems to be the problem with it?”

Customer: “It doesn’t work right.”

Me: “Okay, I will just have to take a look at it. May I see your receipt?”

Customer: “You can’t look at the TV. It doesn’t work, that’s all! You need to know give me my money and send it back!”

Me: “Sir, it is store policy. I have to look at the returned item before I can give you your refund.”

(The customer stays silent. We open box to find a remote actually stuck into the TV screen.)

Customer: “So, am I not gonna get that refund now?”

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