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  • May Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

    Free Derange

    | Venice Beach, CA, USA | Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, what does free range chicken mean?”

    Me: “That means our chickens are not raised in cages. They get to walk around outside, which is important to the quality of life for the animals.”

    Customer: *with a horrified expression* “How do you make sure they don’t eat bugs and stuff while they’re outside?”

    Me: “We make sure the farmers put up a sign that says ‘Don’t Eat Bugs’ in chicken scratch so they can read it.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. I’ll take two breasts.”

    (Dead) Wrong Number

    | Anaheim, CA, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Uncategorized

    (We have received dry cleaning, so I call a guest to let him know he can pick it up.)

    Guest: “Steven’s Mortuary: You stab ’em, we slab ’em.”

    Me: “Oh…hello. This is the front desk. I was just calling to let you know your dry cleaning is here.”

    Guest: “Oh! Sorry, I thought you were someone else.”

    Me: “That’s okay, sir. That was the most interesting call I’ve had all day.”

    Not The Apple From The Tree Of Knowledge

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [mobile carrier’s name]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I have an issue with my iPhone.”

    Me: “I will be happy to help you. What is the issue with your iPhone?

    Customer: “It’s just that when I turn it on, the apple on the screen appears bitten. Is that okay?”

    Adapt Your Knowledge Or Become Incontinent

    | FL, USA | Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

    (A customer is looking for a travel adapter for Egypt.)

    Me: “Here is one that will work. It is for Africa?”

    Customer: “I am not going to Africa. I am going to Egypt!”

    Me: “Egypt is on the African continent.”

    Customer: “Africa is a continent?”

    You’ll Wanna Sit Down For This One

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Movies & TV, Uncategorized

    (A guest hands me a ticket for a movie that doesn’t start for another hour.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. We’re not ready to let people in for this show yet.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “There are still people in the auditorium watching the last showing of this movie.”

    Customer: *stare* “I don’t get it.”

    Me: “We need to wait for the people to leave. Then, we will clean the theater, and then you can go in.”

    Customer: “You mean I’ll be sitting in a seat someone just sat in!?”

    Me: “Most likely, yes.”

    Customer: “That’s unsanitary!”

    Me: “That’s how movie theaters work, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Well, if my seat is warm, I want a refund!”

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