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    White In New Jersey, What A Concept

    | New Jersey, USA |

    (The store has a policy where if customers bring in empty printer cartridges they would receive a free ream of white paper. However, the store would only take a few brands.)

    Customer: “I have these printer cartridges and I’d like to receive my free paper.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry ma’am but we don’t accept these brand.”

    Customer: “You can’t be serious, what else am I going to do with them?”

    Coworker: “Well the sign over there states which brands we take, but we can recycle them for you.”

    (The customer turns to me.)

    Customer: “Is this a race thing? Is it because I’m white?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I’m serious. I demand to know if this is because I’m white!”

    Dog Tested, Employee Approved

    | Tartu, Estonia |

    (An old lady walks up to the counter.)

    Customer: “Miss, is this dog sausage salty?”

    Me: “Um…I don’t think so, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Are you SURE?”

    Me: “Well, yes. Dog sausages are mainly made without salt.”

    Customer: “It better not be salty, because my dog does not eat any salty stuff.”

    Me: “It’s not salty, ma’am.”

    Customer: “But are you SURE? Have you TASTED it?!”

    H2O: The Dampening

    | Cleveland, OH, USA |

    (Per our closing procedures, I have to mop the edges of the aisles every night before we close.)

    Customer: “You know, it’s very wet.”

    Me: “Yes, that is a common characteristic of water.”

    Customer: “Well, isn’t there anything you can do about it?”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, there are caution signs all around the store to tell you it might be slippery.”

    Customer: “But can’t you do something to make the water less wet?”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we’ve run out of our dry water, and only have the wet kind left.”

    Customer: “Well, you should order more.”

    The Internet: Damaging Self-Esteem, One User At A Time

    | Winona, MN, USA |

    Patron: “I was trying to go to a website, and a message popped up that said, ‘This website may be trying to harm your computer. Do you want
    to continue?’”

    Me: “That’s just a warning message. If you know the website, you can just click ‘OK’.”

    Patron: “Yes, I know the website. My friend made it. I don’t think that message is very nice.”

    Me: “I assure you it’s nothing personal. That message just appears on websites the computer doesn’t recognize.”

    Patron: “Well, it’s not nice. That message scared me about my own friend’s website. Do you know somebody you can talk to about that?”

    Me: “The system’s warning message?”

    Patron: “Yes.”

    Me: “Of course. I’ll send them an e-mail about it right now.”

    (I pretend to type on my laptop until she leaves.)

    Please God, Let These Be Rhetorical Questions

    | Melbourne, Australia |

    Student: “Yeah, there’s something wrong with my academic transcript.”

    Me: “Oh, ok. What’s wrong with it?”

    Student: “It’s got fails on it.”

    (I start looking up his record on the database.)

    Me: “Yeah, I can see the fails. Did you pass those subjects?”

    Student: “No.”

    Me: “Okay, so you failed the subjects, and now they’re on your record as fails. That’s normally how it works.”

    Student: “Well, yeah… but can’t you, like, take them off? It looks bad!”

    Me: “…”

    Student: “How am I going to get a job?!”

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