November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

How To Kill, To Kill A Mockingbird, Part 2

| United Kingdom | Books & Reading, Uncategorized

(I find a young customer looking a little lost in the nature section.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m looking for a book about killing birds.”

Me: “Killing birds?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need it for school.”

Me: “Do you mean To Kill a Mockingbird, by any chance?”

Customer: “Yeah that’s it! Do you have it?”

(I take him to the classics section and show him the book.)

Me: “You know, its not actually about killing birds.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “It’s about social injustice in 1930’s America.”

Customer: “Oh. That doesn’t sound as much fun. Do you have any books about killing birds?”

Me: “I hope not.”

How To Kill, To Kill A Mockingbird

The Holy Ghost

| Hyde Park, London, UK | Religion, Uncategorized

Tourist: “Excuse me, do you know why are there so many police and ambulances about?”

Me: “It’s for the Pope’s visit. He’s preaching in the Cathedral and then there’s a procession.”

Tourist: “But didn’t the Pope die years ago?”

Customers To Keep You On Your Toes

| Dallas, TX, USA | Family & Kids, School, Uncategorized

(My husband and I inherited a dance studio from his mother and we’re both full-time teachers there. Naturally, our five-year-old spends a lot of time with us at the studio. Her father and I were playing "Swan Lake" with her one day in one of the dance studios after all the classes were over when a mother and her daughter came in.)

Customer: “Excuse me!”

Me: “Can I help you? Classes are over for the day.”

Customer: “I would like to organize one-on-one private lessons with you for my daughter.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t do private lessons.”

Customer: “So why is he teaching that little girl how to do a lift?”

Me: “That’s our daughter. He’s not teaching her anything, he’s just picking her up. We were playing a game.”

Customer: “I demand you give my child private lessons!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’ve just told you, we don’t do that here.”

Customer: “She’s been in your class for two years!”

Me: “Yes, I know.”

Customer: “That little girl isn’t even old enough to be in your class.”

Me: “No, she’s not, but she’s my daughter. She’s been exposed to ballet since she was a baby.”

Customer: “So has my child! She knows culture!”

Me: “I understand, ma’am, but I just can’t give her private lessons.”

Customer: “Why are you letting her do it, then?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’ve told you already, she’s my daughter. She gets private lessons with me whether she likes it or not. We live together.”

Customer: “So if I send my daughter to live with you, will you teach her?”

Me: “Ma’am, you can’t send your daughter to live with us.”

My Daughter: “Mommy! Look at me!”

Customer: “Oh, she really is your daughter? I thought you were lying. See you tomorrow for class!”

No Vocation For Location, Part 2

| Huntsville, AL, USA | Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

Customer: “Yes I am wondering why I got hit with roaming charges in the Bahamas?”

Me: “Well, because your plan offers you coverage in the United States and outside of it there are roaming charges.”

Customer: “Well I never got these charges in Puerto Rico!”

Me: “That’s because Puerto Rico is part of the US.”

Customer: “But it takes me longer to get there!”

No Aptitude For Latitude, Part 2
No Vocation For Location
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 4
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 3
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 2
No Fortitude For Longitude
No Aptitude For Latitude

What Would Jesus Discount?

| Nova Scotia, Canada | Liars & Scammers, Religion, Uncategorized

(Three teenagers come up to my register to buy some CD cases.)

Me: “And that comes to $10.33.”

Teenager: “What if my dad was the Prime Minister?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Teenager: “What if he came in, and said it was $5?”

Me: “It would still be $10.33?”

(He seems to think this over for a minute.)

Teenager: “Well, what if he was the government?! Then what?”

Me: “The price would still be $10.33.”

Teenager: “Okay, so then, what if Jesus himself came into the store, and came up to you, and said it was $5?”

Me: “Well, Jesus would still have to pay full price. Which is $10.33.”

Teenager: “If Jesus was here, you’d be going to h***!”