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    I Find Your Lack Of T-shirts Disturbing

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Geeks Rule, Top

    (Note: I’m selling t-shirts at Comic Con in San Diego. Two men are dressed as Star Wars characters come to my booth.)

    Jedi #1: “Man, these shirts are all great. I don’t know how I’ll pick.”

    Coworker: “Well, they are two for $35, so you can get any two you like.”

    Jedi #2: “Is there any deal for three?”

    Coworker: “Nope, just by twos.”

    (Suddenly, the second Jedi activates his light-up light saber and speaks in an angry, menacing tone.)

    Jedi #2: “How about now?!”

    A Real Life Game Of Telephone

    | Lethbridge, AB, Canada | Top

    Me: “Hi, I’m calling on behalf of [power company]. I’m conducting a survey about your electrical service.”

    Guy: “You’re disconnecting a what?”

    Me: “I’m conducting a survey.”

    Guy: “What kind of survey?”

    Me: “It’s about your electrical service.”

    Guy: “Are you shutting off my electricity?”

    Me: “No, everything’s fine. I’m just conducting a survey to find out if you’re satisfied with your service.”

    Guy: “You’re disconnecting a what?”

    Me: “Conducting a survey–”

    Guy, to his wife: “You didn’t pay the bill and now they’re cutting off our lights!”

    Wife: “I paid the d*** bill!”

    Guy: “My wife says she paid the bill! Why are you cutting off my service if the bill’s been paid?”

    Me: “Your service isn’t being cut off. I’m conducting a survey.”

    Guy: “Disconnecting a what?”

    Me: *very slowly* “Conducting a survey…”

    Guy, to his wife: “They’re disconnecting our survey! You paid the bill late!”

    Wife: “No, I didn’t! Get off my case!”

    Me: “Nothing’s being disconnected!”

    Guy: “Then why are you calling?”

    Me: “To make sure you’re satisfied with the service you’re receiving.”

    Guy: “I was satisfied until you told me you’re cutting off my service.”

    Me: “Your service isn’t being cut off. Everything’s fine!”

    Guy: “Oh, okay. Well I gotta go apologize to my wife now!” *click*

    Looking Forward To Backward Logic

    | Missouri, USA | Top

    Customer: “I’m here to return this shirt. I’m not satisfied with it.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Could you explain what’s wrong with it?”

    Customer: “The writing on it is all backward.”

    (She pulls the shirt from her bag, but the lettering looks fine.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m looking at it right now, and this shirt is definitely not backward.”

    Customer: “No, I went home and tried it on, and it was backward!”

    Me: “Were you looking in a mirror?”

    Customer: “Yes, but it should still read from right to left!”

    A Man Of Many Faces, All Of Them Dumb

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Top

    (I had lost my entire wallet just a week prior. A customer approaches my check stand. He has an 18-pack of beer on the belt, and he looks about 20 years old.)

    Me: *ringing him up* “ID, please.”

    Customer: “You got it!”

    (The customer pulls out a wallet that looks exactly like mine, broken chain and all. He then proceeds to show me my own ID.)

    Me: *taking my wallet back from him* “Two problems with this.”

    Customer: “What the h***, man?!”

    Me: “First off, this is MY ID; MY wallet. Secondly, I’m not 21, and neither is this thing.”

    Customer: *runs out of the store*

    When You Know You Need Better Glasses Or Better Handwriting

    | Augusta, GA, USA |

    (In taking a call, I ask a customer to read me some numbers from her hardware in order to access her account.)

    Customer: “3-7-V…”

    Me: *repeating* “3-7-V.”

    Customer: “3-7-V!”

    Me: *thinking I’ve misheard, correcting* “3-7-B?”

    Customer: “3-7-V!”

    Me: “…3-7-V? ‘V’ like ‘Victor’?”

    Customer: “3-7-V! V! ‘V’ like ‘umbrella’!”

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