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    Culinary Confusion

    | Kenner, LA, USA |

    (I was working at the concessions stand taking someone’s order, when a man walks up and cuts in line.)

    Customer: “Hey, why does this theater look so run down?”

    Me: “Uh…well, it is kind of old, but as you can see from the sign we are renovating.”

    Customer: “Oh. Can I get a popcorn then? Is it fresh?”

    Me: “Sir, you just cut in line. I’m sorry, but you’ll have to get back in line if you want service.”

    Customer: “Oh. Okay.”

    (He pauses, but doesn’t move from his place beside me at the counter. I finish my transaction and clear up the line, and he’s still standing there.)

    Customer: “So…what’s up with those corn dogs?”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “Those corn dogs. What’s wrong with them?”

    Me: *looking around, utterly confused* “Uh…the hot dogs? I don’t see anything wrong with them.”

    Customer: “No, the corn dogs! They look awfully…green, don’t they?”

    Me: *following his eyes* “Sir…I think you’re talking about the pickles.”

    Customer: “Oh…that’s what they are? Could have fooled me.”

    Me: “…”

    A Swing And A Miss

    , | Saskatchewan, Canada |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****. How may I direct your call?”

    Caller: “Electronics, please.”

    Me: “We’re an electronics store, ma’am. Could you be more specific?”

    Caller: “Umm…just one moment.”

    (She hangs up. Five minutes later, she calls back.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling ****. How may I direct your call?”

    Caller: “Electronics DEPARTMENT, please.”

    Me: “…”

    The Lesser Of Two Evils

    | Canada |

    Customer: *holding an ugly teapot* “The stuff on that shelf *pointing* is 75% off. Can I get this teapot for 75% off?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but that discount only applies to items that were damaged during shipping.”

    Customer: “Look, I’m buying a lot of stuff here. I think I should get a discount on this teapot.”

    Me: “But it’s not broken. You only get a discount if it’s broken.”

    Customer: “You’re not being very helpful. You have to be able to do something for me here.”

    Me: “I could take it into the stock room and smash it for you. Then I could sell it to you at the discounted price. I’m sure you could glue it back together when you get home.”

    Customer: *thinking it over* “No…no, I don’t think so.”

    Gestapo, Taco, Same Difference

    | UK |

    (I work in a retail store that sells kind of quirky and alternative items. As it is nearing Christmas, I was doing the gift-wrapping while a co-worker was ringing up items.)

    Lady: *hands a mug*

    Me: *begins giftwrapping the mug* “Nothing to it. Just
    like wrapping a tortilla!

    Lady: “What would you know about tortillas? You’re blonde!”

    Me: “Well, my mother loves–”

    Lady: “Shut up! You blondes think you’re so much better than everyone else! You’re not! You need everyone else to do all the work for you! You’re all useless, and you’ll never be the master race!”

    Me: “Erm…”

    Lady: *pays and storms out*

    Frequent Diers Club

    | Glasgow, Scotland, UK |

    Me: “Hi there.”

    Customer: *smiles* “I got out o’ rehab yesterday. I was in fer 16 weeks! I was in fer the drink.”

    Me: “Oh, right…”

    Customer: “I went fer a drink to celebrate last night, just 1 or 2 ya know. I got carried away and woke up in a hospital the’ mornin, tubes in ma nose and s***. They brought me back 9 times.”

    Me: “9 times… they resuscitated you?!”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’ve died a few times now. Been hit by 12 cars, been through 4 windscreens… in all been brought back over 30 times a think.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “What’s that thing with lotsa lives?”

    Me: “A cat?”

    Customer: No, more than a cat… oh wait, yeah! They call me the cat! But I have more than a cat… they call me Supercat!”

    Me: “Don’t you think you should cut back on the drinking?”

    Customer: “Och, I just gotta stick to ma limits and no drink 3 litres. 1 litre is ma limit!”

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