October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Rectify The Situation

| UK | Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi there, do you sell rectums?”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “Rectums. I need a rectum. do you sell them?”

Me: “Why do you need it?”

Customer: “I have some tablets here and it says ‘insert via rectum’ and as I don’t have one, I thought I better buy one.”

Me: “I think I better call the pharmacist in.”

(I call the pharmacist in who explains to the man exactly what a rectum is. He leaves red faced.)

Where The Sun Don’t Shine, Bungholio!

Age Is Only A Social Security Number

| Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Politics, Uncategorized

(I am ringing up a middle-aged man.)

Customer: “You go to school, son?”

Me: “Yes sir, I’m a college student.”

Customer: “Good good. Be sure to start paying into social security. I’m going to need it soon.”

Benefits Are All About Sustaining Labor

| UK | Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, benefit section new claims.”

Caller: “My wife wants to claim for a baby.”

Me: “Your wife just had a child? How old is the child?”

Caller: “2 years old.”

Me: “I’m sorry, if the child is that old you cannot receive additional benefits.”

Caller: “But we need money.”

Me: “I understand but it’s too late now, she could have claimed 11 weeks before the child was born or up until it was a year old. There is nothing we can do now.”

Caller: “So how does my wife get money for a baby?”

Me: “Well, she needs to be pregnant.”

Caller: “Okay! I will call you back.”

Not The Only Hollow Thing In The Store

| Culver City, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you have any record players?”

Me: “We only have one model, but they’re all sold out right now.”

(She leaves and comes back five minutes later.)

Customer: “Ha! I found one! I knew you were lying to me!”

(She carries the very large and heavy display version of the turntable from a few aisles over.)

Me: “Uh, ma’am, I can’t sell you the display.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Well, for one thing, I can’t open the case around it. Second, the one in there is just hollowed-out plastic. It’s not a working player.”

Customer: “So, can I get it at a discount?”

A-Paul-ing Service

| Carpinteria, CA, USA | Funny Names, Uncategorized

(I am making drinks and I notice a small mocha for Paul. We have a regular customer named Paul who always orders a small mocha, but at that moment I couldn’t remember whether or not he liked it with whipped cream.)

Me: *calling out* “Paul? Did you want whipped cream on your mocha?”

Customer: *not a regular* “Yes, I wanted whipped cream.”

(I realize that this might be a drink for a different customer also named Paul. I add the whipped cream and hand it off with a smile.)

Me: “Here you go, a small mocha with whipped cream. Have a nice day, Paul.”

Customer: “I ordered a large.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Let me remake that for you.”

(I make a new drink, figuring that one of my co-workers might have grabbed the wrong size in the rush.)

Me: “Here’s your large mocha with whipped cream. Sorry for the mix-up, Paul.”

Customer: “I ordered a pumpkin spice latte.”

(I start my third attempt at making a drink for this customer.)

Customer: “…and my name isn’t Paul.”

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