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    Don’t Knock It Until You’ve Pried It

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

    (We are closed and counting money from the register, when a customer approaches the locked door and tries to open it. She notices the closed sign and tries the door again, then knocks on the door loudly and pulls hard on the door. So hard in fact, that she manages to fit her shoe through the crack. Worried about a broken door, I open the door quickly.)

    Customer: “Are you open?”

    Me: “No, we are closed.”

    Customer: “Then why did you open the door?!”

    Separates The Men From The Boys

    | Queensland, Australia | Top

    (Two customers come into the store wearing a uniform from the same company. Often when this happens, people generally get separate items, then pay for them together, so I always ask to make sure before ringing the items up. They are both male.)

    Me: “Hello, are you two paying together?”

    Customer #1: “No! We are definitely not together! I’m not gay! We work together. That’s all OK! We aren’t gay together! He’s not my boyfriend and we are not a couple! Not that I’m against… You know… I’m not prejudiced! BUT WE AREN’T TOGETHER!”

    Me: “Sir, I asked if you are paying together.”

    Customer #1: “Oh…No. Separately. Which is what we are. Separate. Not a couple.”

    Customer #2: *trying not to laugh* “Sorry about him.”

    Me: “Don’t apologise! You guys just made my day. But you know…separately.”

    An Offer Without A Leg To Stand On

    | MD, USA | Uncategorized

    (A customer pays at window and continues to sit there.)

    Customer: “We could run away together.”

    Me: “Uhm…”

    Customer: “But we wouldn’t get very far. I don’t have any legs.”

    Me: *noticing the handicap tags on the mirror* “How are you driving?”

    Customer: “It’s a secret.” *drives away*

    Pot Calling The Kettle Back

    | Washington, D.C., USA | Uncategorized

    (A client is on the phone. They are well-known for calling several times a day.)

    Client: “Is [attorney] there? I need to speak with him, it’s urgent!”

    Me: “He is unavailable, but he told me he will call you as soon as he can.”

    (15 minutes later…)

    Client: “I need to speak with [attorney] right now!”

    Me: “He can’t talk with you right now. He will call when he can.”

    (15 minutes later…)

    Client: “Can I speak with [attorney] now?”

    Me: “No, he is in the middle of something, but he will call you when he can.”

    Client: “You know, you are starting to sound like a broken record!”

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 9

    | London, ON, Canada | Money, Uncategorized

    (I’m setting a customer up for a pre-authorized payment so her checking account pays her credit card automatically on the due date. I’m going over all the details.)

    Me: “If there aren’t sufficient funds in the bank account at the time of payment, an NSF fee will be charged.”

    Customer: “What?! You mean I have to have money in my bank account?”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 8
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 7
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 6
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 5
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 4
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 3
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 2
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession

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