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    When Funding Is Poultry

    | Miami, FL, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hi, can I have the chicken salad without chicken?”

    Me: “Uh, you mean a regular salad?”

    Customer: “No. I want the chicken salad without the chicken.”

    Me: “Ma’am, a chicken salad without the chicken is just a salad.”

    Customer: *stares blankly* “What’s the difference?”

    Me: “There’s no chicken.”

    *customer stares blankly*

    Me: “It’s cheaper?”

    Customer: “Okay! I’ll have that!”

    Digical Is Made Up Of Ones And D’ohs

    | Leicestershire, UK | Funny Names, Technology, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hello, could you help me find a TV I was looking at yesterday?”

    Me: “Yes, of course.”

    (I show her the wall with TVs mounted on. There are around 40 different models.)

    Me: “Which TV were you looking at?”

    Customer: “I’m not sure. It’s digical.”

    Me: “These are all digital TVs. Can you remember the brand?”

    Customer: “No, it’s one of the digical ones.”

    Me: “Okay. Do you know what size or color it was?”

    Customer: *pauses* “It’s digical.”

    Me: “Okay, I’m not sure what you mean. I’ll go find one of the sales staff and see if they can help you.”

    Customer: *as I leave* “Tell them it’s digical!”

    His Repair Method Doesn’t Hold Water

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Technology, Top

    (A customer brings his laptop in to be fixed.)

    Customer: “It won’t turn on.”

    (I plug it in, and press the power button, doesn’t work. I flip it over to make sure the battery is locked into place and see rust/corrosion all over the battery.)

    Me: “Whoa! We can’t fix this. It isn’t safe. What happened to it?”

    Customer: “It got hot, so I put water on it.”

    Unlimited Texts, Limited Intelligence

    | Baltimore, MD, USA | Family & Kids, Technology, Uncategorized

    (After purchasing a cell phone a few hours ago, a teenager and her mom return, saying they’re having difficulty.)

    Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer’s mom: “She’s having problems sending a text message to her dad.”

    Customer: “Yeah, it keeps saying that it doesn’t recognize his phone or something.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s odd. Here, show me.”

    (The customer types a short message along with her dad’s number, and hits send. After a few moments, a message reads ‘Error: Your message was not sent. Address is not a recognized mobile device’.)

    Me: “Oh…are you trying to text it to his home phone?”

    Customer’s mom:“Yes! Why does that matter?”

    Me: “Because only cell phones can receive text messages. It’s not going to work.”

    Customer’s mom:“What? Since when? Well, she’d like a plan that can do that.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, it’s not up to me. That’s just how phones work.”

    Customer: “But it’s an unlimited texting plan!”

    Unlimited Minutes, Limited Intelligence

    Try Not To Read Too Much Into It

    | Winchester, UK | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Funny Names, Holidays, Top

    (A six or seven year old boy comes into the children’s bookstore, his mother trailing behind him.)

    Mother: “Go on then! Ask! She won’t know what you’re talking about and then you can stop wasting my time!”

    Boy: “Hello!”

    Me: “Hello.”

    Boy: “I want a book.”

    Me: “Well you’re in the right place.”

    Boy: “It’s about a boy. Who lives with a caveman. He’s got a funny name beginning with ‘S’.”

    Mother: “There. Now you know there’s no such book.”

    Me: “That wouldn’t be ‘Stig of the Dump’ would it?”

    Boy: *jumping up and down* “Yes yes yes! I told you mummy!”

    Mother: “Don’t contradict me in front of my son!” *starts walking her son out of the shop and still talking to me* “You read too many books!”

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