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    You’re Just Compounding The Issue

    , | Kitchener, Ontario, Canada |

    (A customer had purchased a few items and was double-checking her receipt after the transaction went through. She had a membership card at the store, so she got a 10% discount.)

    Customer: “So I got my discount on this?”

    Me: “Yep, see there on each item it says ‘Member 10%’, and it shows what you saved.”

    Customer: “Wait…is it 10% off each item, or 10% off the total?”

    Me: “10% off the total. Well, it works out the same either way.”

    Customer: “I thought it was supposed to be 10% off each item. I should be getting a bigger discount on the total.”

    Me: “No, you got your discount! 10% off each item adds up to the same amount as 10% off the total.”

    Customer: “No, I got 10% off the first item. Then 10% off the second item, so that’s 20%. And 10% off the third item; that’s 30%!”

    Me: *pause* “No, that’s…that’s not how percentages work… I can show you on a calculator; it works out the same. You are getting the right discount.”

    Customer: “No, it’s all right. But I know I won’t be getting this card again. I was told I was going to be getting a 10% discount on each item, and this really isn’t fair.”

    (Maybe I should have mentioned to her that I’m a math major…)

    That’s A Talented Cow

    , | Elmira, NY, USA |

    Me: “What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “I’ll have a turkey sub. No. Ham. I’ll have a ham and cheese sub.”

    Me: “What kind of cheese would you like?”

    Customer: “Bologna.”

    Diagnostics Through Osmosis

    | Las Vegas, NV, USA |

    (I was working part-time in my dad’s shop when a customer came in with a blue Kia Pride.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “My car don’t work.”

    Me: “OK, ma’am. What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “It don’t work.”

    Me: “Um, could you specify, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I just told you, it don’t work.”

    Me: “Uh, OK…let me just take a look to see what the problem is.”

    Customer: “No!!”

    Me: “Huh? Why?!”

    Customer: “Nobody goes into my property, and my car is my property!!”

    Me: “But I have to see your car to know what the problem is, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I just told you! It don’t work!”

    Me: “…”

    (Turns out, she just ran out of gas.)

    Who You Gonna Call?

    | Portland, OR, USA |

    Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, do you sell ghost vacuums?”

    Me: “Umm… no?”

    Customer: “Ok, well… thanks anyway.”

    Another Repressed Memory

    , | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    (I have a flat screen TV near my workplace that was showing a recent cartoon on DVD: “Tinkerbell”. A customer comes by with
    her toddler daughter in the cart, and watches a bit of the movie with the child.)

    Customer: “Aw, that’s cute! What movie is that?”

    Me: “It’s Tinkerbell“.

    Customer: “My little girl likes that one. How much is it?”

    Me: “It’s new, so it should be around 15 to 20 dollars.”

    Customer: “15 to 20 dollars?! That’s almost all of my beer money!”


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