Doesn’t Take A Genus

| Orlando, FL, USA | Uncategorized

(A father and his young daughter were at a popular theme park looking at the manatees.)

Daughter: “What animals are these?”

Father: “I don’t know honey, I think it’s a woolly mammoth.”

Me: “Sir, those are manatees.”

Father: *shrugs* “Well, I was close!”

Caller I-D’oh

| Waukesha, WI, USA | Uncategorized

(I am calling customers to remind them to pick up their ready orders.)

Girl: “Ooh… Mmm… Ahh…”

(A fumbling sound can be heard as more moaning and gasping.)

Me: “Ah. Yes, this is [my name] calling from [Opticians] and I just wanted to speak with [client’s name] however, if this is a bad time–”

Girl: “Mmm… Hold on.”

(I hear the sound of the phone being handed over to another person.)

Man: “Ooh… Mmm… Ahh… Just kidding, mom. What’s up? I thought
you were at the spa today.”

Me: “Actually I’m not your mom. This is actually just [my name] calling from [Opticians] to let you know your order’s been ready for quite some time to pickup.”

Man: “Oh, t-thanks.”

Me: “Yep, that’s no problem. Have a good day.”

Don’t Kid Around About Sex And Violence

| Huntsville, AL, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Can I help you find something?”

Customer: “I was in the airport and saw this book it was blue and said something about a ranger. It looked really good, so I was trying to find it here.”

Me: “Sounds like The Rangers Apprentice series. It’s a kids’ book.”

Customer: “No, it couldn’t be a kids’ book. It looked really interesting.”

(Several minutes ensue of trying to find anything else that it could be. I ask him to wait a moment while I check the kids’ section and get the newest Rangers apprentice book and return.)

Me: “Is this it?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “That’s the book I was telling you about. It’s technically a kids’ series, but it’s still a good book–just without the sex and violence.”

Customer: “None at all? But that’s why I read them!”

Try Calling Nine-One-Number-Two

| Delano, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “911, what’s your emergency?”

Caller: “I need help, Hurry, Hurry!” *hangs up*

(I try to call back but get no answer. Two officers are sent, this is what I am told happened:)

(The officers are met at the door by the caller.)

Caller: “In the bathroom. Hurry! Hurry!”

(The officers go to the bathroom, but don’t see anything wrong.)

Officer: “What happened? Why do you need the police?”

Caller: “My toilet is plugged up. I need you to fix it.”

Officer: “We don’t fix toilets. You need a plumber. 911 is for emergencies only.”

Caller: “This is an emergency. I need to use the toilet now!”

Contains Crosswords, Sudoku and Tentacles

| UK | Uncategorized

(A respectable looking man in his 50’s approaches.)

Customer: “Hi! Do you sell hentai puzzle magazines?”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “Hentai puzzles. My daughter likes them.”

Me: “Could you mean Hanjei puzzles? (Note: Hanjei is a popular puzzle magazine.)

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