(We were giving away free packages of instant coffee for promotional reasons. Each package was about the size of a sugar packet.)
Customer: "What’s that?"
Me: "It’s a free package of instant coffee. Would you like one?"
Customer: "How does it work?"
Me: "Just put it in a cup, and mix it with water."
Customer: "Is the cup, and water inside the package?"
Customer’s Mother: "You’re a moron."
(A lost-looking tourist enters the shop.)
Tourist: “Do any of y’all speak American?”
Me: *joking* “I’m sorry, but we can only speak English.”
Tourist: “Okay, sorry to bother you.” *leaves*
Caller: "I was just wondering if my credit card will work the same in Hawaii as it does here?"
Me: "Well, ma’am, Hawaii is part of the US, so it should."
Caller: "I know. I was just making sure since we’d be flying over a body of water."
H2Slow, Part 2
Me: “Okay, well I’d like to do some tests on your cat.”
Client: “Which kind of tests, how does that work?”
Me: “I’d like to do some blood-work. We take it just like a doctor would take human blood.”
Client: “Cats have blood?!”
(An elderly customer comes up to my checkout.)
Me: “That’ll be [price]."
Customer: “Why is it so much?”
Me: “Well, you bought all these items, and it all adds up to your total.”
Customer: “You charged me for the chicken?”
Me: “Yes, of course.”
Customer: “There’s your mistake. The chickens are free today.”
Me: “I beg your pardon?”
Customer: “I got it from that big display where you’re giving away ‘free range chicken’.”