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    No Vocation For Location, Part 2

    | Huntsville, AL, USA | Tourists/Travel

    Customer: “Yes I am wondering why I got hit with roaming charges in the Bahamas?”

    Me: “Well, because your plan offers you coverage in the United States and outside of it there are roaming charges.”

    Customer: “Well I never got these charges in Puerto Rico!”

    Me: “That’s because Puerto Rico is part of the US.”

    Customer: “But it takes me longer to get there!”

    Related:
    No Aptitude For Latitude, Part 2
    No Vocation For Location
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 4
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 3
    No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 2
    No Fortitude For Longitude
    No Aptitude For Latitude

    What Would Jesus Discount?

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | Liars & Scammers, Religion

    (Three teenagers come up to my register to buy some CD cases.)

    Me: “And that comes to $10.33.”

    Teenager: “What if my dad was the Prime Minister?”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Teenager: “What if he came in, and said it was $5?”

    Me: “It would still be $10.33?”

    (He seems to think this over for a minute.)

    Teenager: “Well, what if he was the government?! Then what?”

    Me: “The price would still be $10.33.”

    Teenager: “Okay, so then, what if Jesus himself came into the store, and came up to you, and said it was $5?”

    Me: “Well, Jesus would still have to pay full price. Which is $10.33.”

    Teenager: “If Jesus was here, you’d be going to h***!”

    Military Discount Can Save An Arm And A Leg

    | Sicklerville, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Money

    Customer: “Now don’t forget my military discount!”

    Me: “Do you have a military ID, sir?”

    Customer: “Sure do.”

    (He starts digging through his wallet and doesn’t immediately find it.)

    Customer: “I can also show you my scars from Vietnam!”

    Me: “Just the ID will do fine.”

    Tip Top

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | At The Checkout

    (I am working as a cashier and an elderly lady comes in through my line.)

    Old Lady: "Honey, you are always so nice to everybody. I bet no one ever does anything for you!"

    Me: "Thank you! But that’s not true."

    (I put the groceries in the cart for her, but she still stands by my register.)

    Me: "Did you need anything else?"

    Old Lady: "Here, you just take this as a lil’ thank-you from me!"

    (She thrusts a couple of dollars at me. Mind you, there are cameras at every register and we aren’t allowed to take tips.)

    Me: "I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t accept that. We don’t take tips."

    Old Lady: "Take it, please!"

    Me: "No, I really–"

    Old Lady: "TAKE IT!"

    (She then opens up my work shirt, puts the money inside, closes it, and pats my chest down.)

    Old Lady: "Now you have a nice day!"

    (There are guys from my college behind her and I’m red as a beet.)

    One of the guys: "Heh heh, and how are you doin’?"

    Upgrading Faster Than A Fox In A Fire

    | North Carolina, USA | Technology

    (I’m working with a caller on a bug they’ve found on our website.)

    Me: "Okay, I need to know what Internet browser you’re working on. Internet Explorer? Firefox?"

    Caller: "I’m using Firefox."

    Me: "Great, now do you know what version of Firefox you’re using?"

    Caller: "Yes, I’m using version 12" *note: the highest version of Firefox is currently 3.6*

    Me: *jokingly* "Firefox 12? That must mean you’re from the future! Wow! What’s the new Firefox like? In my time, we only have version 3.6."

    Caller: "It’s pretty nice, I guess."

    Me: *still jokingly* "Do you have hover-cars yet?"

    Caller: "Um…"

    Me: "Sorry, that was a joke. What I want you to do is email me a screen capture of the bug you’re experiencing, as well as of the specific version of Firefox you’re using. I can give you instructions on how to do so."

    (30 minutes later I receive an email with the screen captures. Turns out she was using Internet Explorer 7.)

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