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    If You Can’t Stand The Heat, Get Out Of The Solar System

    | Valencia, CA, USA |

    (This exchange happened while I was taking tickets at the entrance to the park.)

    Customer: “You have a very serious problem with your lines.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry, what was the problem?”

    Customer: “I have been standing out here for twenty minutes in the sun waiting to get into the park. You need to do something about that sun…turn it down or something.”

    Me: “Ma’am…I’m very sorry you were uncomfortable, but I really have no control over the sun.”

    Customer: “You can’t just turn it down? Who can I talk to around here to get something done about this?”

    Me: “You can go talk to Human Resources, ma’am… but I really don’t think they’ll be able to control the sun either.”

    Customer: *storms off*

    Customer #2: *walking up* “So…what’s it like controlling the weather?”

    Some-Bunny Was Cranky Today…

    | Santa Barbara, CA, USA |

    Me: “All right, you’re all set! Here are your bags, and have a good weekend!”

    Customer: “Thank you.”

    Me: “And Happy Easter!”

    Customer: “What was that?”

    Me: “Happy Easter?”

    Customer: “That could be offensive.”

    Me: “I’m…sorry?”

    Customer: “You know, some people don’t celebrate Easter. It’s offensive and rude of you to assume that.”

    Me: “I…I’m sorry. I guess I did assume, because you were buying plastic eggs and basket grass.”

    Customer: “You see? You’re assuming.”

    Me: “Would you like me to un-wish you a happy Easter?”

    Customer: “And there you go with the f***ing rude attitude! I celebrate Easter! I just think you need to not be so assuming!”

    Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am.”

    Customer: *leaving* “Ignorant little f***s…”

    Give Me Good Ol’ Inefficiency Any Day

    | Utah, USA |

    (I’m one of the fastest cashiers and often receive positive feedback from customers.)

    Me: “… and your total is $***.**.”

    Customer: “Wait, that can’t be right. I added it up. It should be less than that! You need to change something!”

    Me: “Alright, sir, but it will take me a minute to bring your transaction back up. Your receipt is already printed.”

    Customer: “Are you kidding me? This is ridiculous! This is your fault–you rang me up too flippin’ fast! I’m sick of these stores and their flippin’ fast cashiers!” *takes receipt and storms away*

    Next customer: “Did that guy seriously just yell at you for being fast?!”

    It Only Goes Downhill From Here

    | Bedford, IN, USA |

    (I’ve just finished bagging a man’s groceries in two paper bags.)

    Me: “Have a great night!”

    Customer: “Paper bags? NEVER bag my groceries in paper bags!”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “If you ever do this again, I’ll kill you! I’ll blow your head off! I have guns!”

    Me: “…”

    (Two weeks later, the store hired him. I quit.)

    What A Kilo-Moron

    , | Vancouver, BC, Canada |

    Customer: “Hi, can you tell me how big an order of breadsticks is?”

    Me: “Well, a small is 6, and a large is 12.”

    (The customer and his wife confer for a moment before he turns back to me.)

    Customer: “We’re from the States; we don’t use the metric system. Can you convert it?”

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