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    Desktop Hunters And Gatherers

    | Pensacola, FL, USA |

    (A customer is at our electronics store looking at the Macs.)

    Customer: “Is this that Windows Vi-ah-ster?”

    Me: “You mean Windows Vista? No, these are Macs, sir.”

    Customer: “Right, Windows Vista, exactly.”

    Me: “Are you going to buy one?”

    Customer: “Yeah, got anything that’s under $200?”

    Me: “Not in the Apple section, and I really wouldn’t advise you get a $200 Vista rig anyway. It will run slowly.”

    (He goes over, finds a low end rig, and gets it anyway. He’s back a day later.)

    Customer: “Ya, its not workin’.”

    Me: “I told you, why didn’t you listen?”

    Customer: “Oh, I saw two comp-ooh-ters at that price, and the other one looked better.”

    Me: “Looked better… how?”

    Customer: “The paint was shinier.”

    Tip Of The Day: How To Apply For A Federal Bailout

    | New Haven, CT, USA |

    Me: “Alright sir, you’re all set. Anything else I can do for you today?”

    Bank customer: *jokingly* “Yeah, you can deposit a million dollars into my account.”

    Me: “Sir, if I had a dollar for every time someone said that, I’d have a million dollars.”

    Bank customer: *hangs up laughing*

    If Nincompoop, Then Infinite Loop, Part 2

    | Nashville, TN, USA |

    Customer: “I need to fill up my truck.”

    Me: “Alright, how much gas would you like?”

    Customer: “Enough to fill up my truck.”

    Me: “Sir, I need to know how much gas you’d like to buy.”

    Customer: “Why is this so hard? You tell me how much gas I need, and I give you the money!”

    Me: “Each vehicle’s different, sir. How am I supposed to know how much it’ll take to fill up your particular vehicle?”

    Customer: “Look at your book!”

    Me: “…my book?”

    Customer: “Yes, the book! Look up my truck and tell me how much gas to get!”

    (My assistant manager comes over to see what all the fuss is about.)

    Assistant manager: “How about you give us $20 for the gas? If you need more, you can come back, and if it’s too much, we’ll refund you.”

    Customer: “Aw, forget it. I’ll just circle around the pumps.”

    (…which is what he did for several minutes before driving off.)

    If Nincompoop, Then Infinite Loop

    Signs It’s Time To Leave The Nest

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA |

    (A woman walked up to my co-worker in a panic.)

    Woman: “Have you seen my son? Did someone take my son?!”

    Co-worker: “I’m not sure. How old is he?”

    Woman: *still panicked* “20!”

    Where There’s A Pill, There’s A Way

    | Philadelphia, PA, USA |

    (A customer comes in with a prescription for a narcotic pain reliever. He says that he was at the hospital with his wife and the hospital stole his pills, which is why he needs to get this prescription filled, even though his last prescription was just filled a few days ago.)

    Me: “OK, sir, I talked to your doctor and he says I can fill your prescription.”

    Customer: “Great, can I wait? I have no pills left and I really need it.”

    Me: “It’ll be about 10 minutes.”

    (10 minutes later.)

    Me: “OK sir, your prescription is ready.”

    Customer: “Hey, are those pills the same as this?” *holds up pill*

    Me: “I thought you didn’t have any pills left, sir.”

    Customer: “Well…I bought this off the street, to be honest with you.”

    Me: “Oh…good.”

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