Featured:
  • Sew Inappropriate
    (1,042 thumbs up)
  • July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

    RAIDed Storage

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, I need my hard drive put back into my computer.”

    Me: “Okay. Why did you take it out? Is it defective?”

    Customer: “No, and I didn’t.”

    Me: “Well, who did?”

    Customer: “The police…”

    There Is No Tea In the Virgin Islands

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Hey, I want a drink without any alcohol. What do you have?”

    Me: “Well, can I get you a soda or something? Maybe some juice?”

    Customer: “Can I get a virgin long island?”

    Me: “You mean, you want an iced tea?”

    Customer: “No, I want a virgin long island.”

    Me: “But, a long island is mostly alcohol. I mean, there are five shots in it. Then some sour and some coke. Do you want a glass of sour and coke?”

    Customer: “Is that alcoholic?”

    (I give up and hand her an iced tea.)

    Customer, turning to a friend: *excitedly* “I got a virgin long island!”

    Some Customers Are Just Not Mourning People

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Just calling to let you know that the glasses you ordered have come in.”

    Customer: “Awesome, I’ll be there. Now I can leave this funeral early…”

    Totally, Like, Imperio

    | Kraków, Poland | Uncategorized

    (I want to walk into a retail store. There is a customer of my age (around 22) standing in front of the door. It won’t open for her.)

    Customer:Alohomora!”

    (The door opens as I walk closer.)

    Customer: “Ha! Works!”

    (She goes in and I follow her. This is a little store with not much space to wander around. A customer is trying to reach something on the highest shelf.)

    Customer:Accio!”

    (I shake the shelf a little so the item she wants falls into her arms.)

    Customer: “Whoa! It really does work!”

    (We proceed to the register, and she pays and leaves. I am in line behind her. When I get out of the store, she’s already there, standing by her car. A policeman is there, too, writing her a ticket.)

    Customer: “Oh, but I really just went in for a minute! I didn’t see the sign!”

    Policeman: “I’m sorry, miss, there’s nothing I can do. You broke the law by parking here.”

    (The customer stares at him blankly, and then glances at me.)

    Me: “I think the word you’re looking for is ‘Imperio’!”

    Related:
    Totally, Like, Aguamenti
    Totally, Like, Excruciatus

    A Few Digits Shy Of A Phone Number

    | Pensacola, FL, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [cell phone company]. May I confirm your wireless number?”

    Customer: “My what now?”

    Me: “Your wireless number?”

    Customer: “I haven’t got a wireless number.”

    Me: “Your cell phone number.”

    Customer: “Oh yeah. I don’t know.”

    Me: “You don’t know what your phone number is?”

    Customer: “Nah. What is that?”

    Me: “The number associated with the cell phone that you’re calling me from right now.”

    Customer: “Yeah. I don’t know it.”

    Me: “I see here that you’ve had the account for over a year.”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “So do you know your number?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    *awkward silence*

    Me: “Can you tell me what it is?”

    Customer: “I don’t know what that is.”

    Me: “Okay, let’s try this.”

    (I explain how to access the number from the phone menu.)

    Customer: “How do I get the menu?”

    Me: “Press the menu button.”

    Customer: “I haven’t got one. Hang on.”

    (The customer presses random buttons for about a minute.)

    Me: “Hello, sir? Are you done?”

    Customer: “I see something on my screen. It’s a real long number. Is this my number?”

    Me: “What does it say?”

    Customer: “396748562318521*2554###.”

    Me: “Okay, stop. Those are the numbers you just typed into your phone.”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    Customer: “Oh yeah. I know my number.”

    Me: “Really?!”

    Customer: “Yeah. It’s [6-digit-number].”

    Me: “That was only 6 digits.”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “I need 10.”

    Customer: “Oh. I only got 6.”

    Me: “I realize this.”

    Customer: “That isn’t enough?”

    Me: “Not in the United States of America, no.”

    Customer: “Well, that’s all I got.”

    Me: “Is there any way that I can help you today?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Page 1,799/2,734First...1,7971,7981,7991,8001,801...Last