Pot Calling The Kettle Back

| Washington, D.C., USA | Uncategorized

(A client is on the phone. They are well-known for calling several times a day.)

Client: “Is [attorney] there? I need to speak with him, it’s urgent!”

Me: “He is unavailable, but he told me he will call you as soon as he can.”

(15 minutes later…)

Client: “I need to speak with [attorney] right now!”

Me: “He can’t talk with you right now. He will call when he can.”

(15 minutes later…)

Client: “Can I speak with [attorney] now?”

Me: “No, he is in the middle of something, but he will call you when he can.”

Client: “You know, you are starting to sound like a broken record!”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 9

| London, ON, Canada | Money, Uncategorized

(I’m setting a customer up for a pre-authorized payment so her checking account pays her credit card automatically on the due date. I’m going over all the details.)

Me: “If there aren’t sufficient funds in the bank account at the time of payment, an NSF fee will be charged.”

Customer: “What?! You mean I have to have money in my bank account?”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 8
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 7
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 6
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 5
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 4
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 3
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 2
This Is Why We’re In A Recession

Bad Karma Chameleons

| Honolulu, HI, USA | Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, why do you sell live crickets?”

Me: “They’re bought as food for Jackson Chameleons, birds, and other animals. They have to be sold live because Jackson Chameleons have poor eyesight and can only see their food if it’s moving.”

Customer: “That’s terrible! So they’re just going to die?”

Me: “Well, chameleons have to eat, too. But it’s okay. It happens so fast that the crickets won’t see it coming.”

Customer: “That’s so cruel! Why doesn’t someone tell them?! If I was going to be eaten, I’d certainly want to know!”

A Phone That Rises To The Challenge

| NY, USA | Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

Me: “So, are you looking to upgrade your phone?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Any model of phone in particular?”

Customer: “Well, I had an LG Erection, and I want to get another one because the first one died.”

Just Another Mild Mannered Horse

| New Hampshire, USA | Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

(I work in the barn, where I explain the rules of our corn maze. There are usually two or three horses in there as well, one of which is white.)

Customer: “That is a beautiful unicorn.”

Me: “He’s a handsome boy all right. Just missing the horn. You can pat him if you like.”

Customer: “But he is white, and strong like unicorn! They are very strong.”

Me: “He would make a very nice unicorn. He’s a Percheron, though, so no horn.”

Customer: “He must hide his horn, to protect! He cannot always be a unicorn!”

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