Smoke Your Veggies

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Top

(I’m a waitress taking the order of a little girl and her mother.)

Young Daughter: “I’ll get the mac’n’cheese. Extra cheesy!”

Mother: “No, you certainly will not. It’s your third day eating mac n’ cheese, missy! You’re going to get chicken and broccoli.”

Young Daughter: “But mommy! Eddie said that broccoli is bad for you!”

Mother: “Your brother most certainly did not!”

Young Daughter: “Yeah! The other day I saw him smoking his broccoli and when I asked if I could he looked at me and said that it’s very bad for little girls like me. His eyes were all red and everything!”

Mother: “When was this?!”

Young Daughter: “Yesterday! But his friend brought over more broccoli today. They’re weird.”

Me: *feeling very awkward* “Ma’am, I can get the check for you if you’d like to leave?”

Mother: “That’d be great. And could you box up an order of mac’n’cheese please? Oh, and some really good smelling stuff? I figure they’ll have the munchies and I want to torture them.”

The Elderly Fight Change

| New Zealand | Uncategorized

(I’m working the counter of a busy service station. An elderly customer comes in to pay.)

Me: “Good afternoon, sir. Just Pump 6 and the LPG today?”

Customer: *producing his bankcard* “Yes, that’s all, thanks.”

Me: “Great, your total is $46.71.” *rings up sale and waits for him to enter pin*

Customer: “Can I have my change?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir?”

Customer: “My change.”

Me: “Ok sir, I’m really sorry, but I’m not quite sure what change you mean.”

Customer: “What’s my total again?”

Me: “$46.71.”

Customer: “Great, can I have my change?”

Me: “Sir, you’re paying by card. You won’t get change as you will be paying the exact amount electronically.”

Customer: “Oh, I see.”

(He is pressing buttons on the keypad, but has not selected an account.)

Me: “Sir, you need to select an account.”

Customer: “Yes, I’ve done that.”

Me: “You want ‘Cheque’” or ‘Savings’?”

(He finally selects ‘Cheque’ and enters in a pin. After a few seconds, it comes up declined as he has entered an incorrect pin.)

Me: “Okay, sir, you’ve entered an invalid pin number. I need you to try again.”

(I ring up the sale again, and make sure he selects ‘Cheque’ again. He seems very confused.)

Customer: “What was my total again? I want to get this right.”

Me: “Forty six dollars and seventy one cents, sir.”

Customer: “Ok!” *punches in numbers and announces them out loud* “4-6-7-1!”

Me: “Hang on, sir. You’re entering your total instead of your pin number.”

Customer: “Well, yes.”

Me: “The total is already in our computer. You need to enter the pin number for your card so the sale goes through.”

Customer: “Oh. What’s my pin number, then?”

Me: “Would you prefer to pay cash, sir?”

This Won’t Pan Out Well

| Oakhurst, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [restaurant]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. Yes I was wondering if you guys deliver.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t.”

Customer: “It’s only ten miles.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t deliver at all.”

Customer: “Well, does any place deliver at all?”

Me: “I’m not sure, sir.”

Customer: “F***. Well, I guess I’ll just get a DUI then. Thanks, bye.”

Full Time Care(less)

| Omaha, NE, USA | Uncategorized

(The following is what I overhear after I let a customer use the store phone.)

Customer: “Come on, pick up the phone! You in a d*** wheelchair, I know you’re there! I left you upstairs for a reason!”

Parking Up The Wrong Tree

| OH, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer walks in to the Service Desk.)

Customer: “This is ridiculous!”

Me: “Is there something that I can help you with?”

Customer: “That car in your parking lot has been sitting there for over a week and has not been moved! Shouldn’t you guys do something about that? I live across the street and I am absolutely sick of looking at it!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, it is broken down and we have informed the Sheriff’s department about it. It will be towed if they cannot contact the owner.”

Customer: “Well, that is absolutely the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! Cars that have nothing to do with the store should not be parked here! I am so angry! Where are my dinner guests going to park now?!”

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