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    When In Rome (Or An Indian Restaurant)…

    | Southampton, UK |

    Me: “Did you enjoy your meal?”

    Customer: “No, the madras was hot.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry it wasn’t to your liking, but madras is a hot dish.”

    Customer: “No, no it’s not. Madras is a mild dish. It’s mild.”

    Me: “Okay, but if I check with the chef, he’ll tell me we serve it as a hot dish.”

    Customer: “What would he know? He’s Indian! What would he know about curry?”

    Related:
    When In Rome (Or A Kosher Deli)

    Good Service, To A Point

    | Victoria, British Columbia, Canada |

    Customer: “I want to return this knife! The lady I bought this from put this sticky stuff around the blade.”

    Me: “Ma’am, all of our knives have the protective seal to keep you from getting cut.”

    Customer: “No way! I saw her; she put this on there! I want a different one!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you’re free to choose another knife but, as you can see, they all have the protective seal on them.”

    Customer: “Well, this is ridiculous – how do you get this off?! You do it for me!”

    (I take the seal off and hand it back to her.)

    Customer: “But look at this! It’s left this sticky residue!”

    Me: “It washes off easily, actually.”

    Customer: “I don’t want to wash anything! That’s stupid!”

    Me: “Don’t you wash your knives before you use them?”

    Customer: “DON’T get smart with me! This is a horrible way to sell a knife.”

    Me: “So, we should sell the knives without a seal or any kind of protection?”

    Customer: “YES! Exactly! It’ll make using it at home easier!”

    At Least It Got A Spot-Free Rinse

    | New Hampshire, USA |

    Me: “Welcome to ****! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, my keyboard won’t work.”

    Me: “Okay sir, what happened?”

    Customer: “Well, it got dirty, so I ran it through the dishwasher.”

    Me: “You what?”

    Customer: “Ran it through the dishwasher. I did it once before and it worked. So, can I get a new one?”

    Stupidity On Tap

    | Durham, NC, USA |

    (I get a phone call at about 8:00pm on a weeknight. The caller is a young man, and in the background I hear music and hysterical giggling.)

    Caller: “What time do y’all close?”

    Me: “9 o’clock tonight.”

    Caller: “Oh s***! Umm…OK, can you just ring me up for a keg with my credit card, and then leave it outside?”

    Me: “…the keg?”

    Caller: “Yeah.”

    Me: “No.”

    Caller: “What? Why?!”

    Me: “…for a variety of reasons.”

    Desktop Hunters And Gatherers

    | Pensacola, FL, USA |

    (A customer is at our electronics store looking at the Macs.)

    Customer: “Is this that Windows Vi-ah-ster?”

    Me: “You mean Windows Vista? No, these are Macs, sir.”

    Customer: “Right, Windows Vista, exactly.”

    Me: “Are you going to buy one?”

    Customer: “Yeah, got anything that’s under $200?”

    Me: “Not in the Apple section, and I really wouldn’t advise you get a $200 Vista rig anyway. It will run slowly.”

    (He goes over, finds a low end rig, and gets it anyway. He’s back a day later.)

    Customer: “Ya, its not workin’.”

    Me: “I told you, why didn’t you listen?”

    Customer: “Oh, I saw two comp-ooh-ters at that price, and the other one looked better.”

    Me: “Looked better… how?”

    Customer: “The paint was shinier.”

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