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    Stone Baked Goodness

    | California, USA | Uncategorized

    (I answer a phone call from an obviously high customer.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. Will this be for dine in, take out or delivery?”

    Customer: “Do you guys have any specials?”

    Me: “Yes, right now we have an extra large pepperoni pizza for $12.99.”

    Customer: “Woah! That’s a great stoner pizza! Wait, did I say that out loud?”

    Me: “No, sir.”

    Customer: “Awesome!”

    Cash Back, Government Style, Part 2

    | Southampton, UK | Uncategorized

    (We have a pay-point for customers who pay for their gas and electricity on a pay-as-you-go plan.)

    Me: “Hi there, how can I help?”

    (The customer pushes £20 note and a gas card into my hand.)

    Customer: “I want £10 back.”

    Me: “So you want £10 on the gas with £10 change?”

    Customer: “No, I want £20 on the gas and £10 cash-back. You know, cash-back? Like from the till?

    Me: “I’m afraid we only offer cash-back when you’re paying with a debit card.”

    Customer: “I don’t have a debit card, can’t you do it anyway?”

    Me: “No, cash-back is money taken from your debit account. Like it’s from an ATM.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand.”

    Me: “Well, you’re asking for £10 cash-back without paying for it from an account. You’re basically asking for me to give you free money.”

    Customer: “Isn’t that how it works?”

    Cash Back, Government Style

    Acting Snappy

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Uncategorized

    Customer: “Do you have a 72mm lens cap?”

    Me: “Yes. We do.”

    Customer: “Is it a 72mm lens cap?”

    Me: “Yes, it is. That is what you asked for, right?”

    Customer: “Yes, but is it a 72mm lens cap?”

    Me: “As I said, yes it is.”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Actually no. It’s a 55mm but bring your camera in. I have a hammer and I’m sure I can make it work for you.”

    Fairly Foolish Fares

    | Brooklyn, NY, USA | Uncategorized

    (It’s 4 AM and I’m driving a college-aged girl home.)

    Passenger: “Can I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Passenger: “You know the ducks in Central Park?”

    Me: “Yes?”

    Passenger: “Where do they go for the winter? When the lake freezes.”

    Me: “I think they fly south.”

    Passenger: “Really?”

    Me: “To Florida, I think.”

    Passenger: “That’s so weird. Are you Jewish?”

    Me: “I’m Italian, actually.”

    Passenger: “You sound really Jewish.”

    Me: “Well, I’m from Long Island. Maybe it’s my accent.”

    Passenger: “Can I ask you a personal question?”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Passenger: “Are people born in 1987 the lost generation?”

    Me: “Um…”

    (The entire cab ride was like this.)

    Nobody Nose

    | Columbia City, IN, USA | Uncategorized

    (Our shop offers free wireless internet with any purchase. We keep it password-protected ever since we discovered the neighbors were stealing it. I give the password out at the register; changing it once a week and keeping it as random as possible.)

    Customer: “What’s the password today?”

    Me: “Nostrils.”

    Customer: “What the h*** kind of password is that? I never would have guessed that!”

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