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    Why Our Contracts Are A Gazillion Pages Long

    , | Indiana, USA |

    Caller: “Hello, my cellphone bill is more than it is supposed to be.”

    Me: “Okay, I see that your bill is $4.00 more than normal. Let’s see why.”

    Caller: “You had better figure this out. I’m not going to pay it if you’re trying to screw me!”

    Me: “I see the problem, You actually called Canada.”

    Caller: “I have nationwide calling! I can call Canada if I want to.”

    Me: “Actually, if you have nationwide calling, you’re only okay in the United States.”

    Caller: “So? Canada is part of North America.”

    Me: “Yes, but not the United States…”

    Caller: “What about Colorado?”

    Me: “Yes, Colorado is okay.”

    Caller: “What about… Vietnam?”

    Me: “Umm, no, that would be a bit international.”

    Caller: “Fine! I’ll pay it this time, but maybe you guys should be a bit more clear on what your national service consists of!”

    Actually, He’s Only Friends With Dorothy

    | Ft. Worth, TX, USA |

    (While making a drink for my table, I overhear a woman approach my manager.)

    Customer: “You’re the manager, right?”

    Manager: “Yeah, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “One of your employees just said a very dirty word as that table over there!”

    Manager: “I’m terribly sorry, ma’am. What did they say?”

    Customer: *lowers her voice* “The “p” word.”

    Manager: “I’m very sorry. Who said it, now?”

    (The customer then points to an openly gay male employee, the store’s
    trainer.)

    Customer: “Him, right there. He was going on about his girlfriend’s hot… you know!”

    Manager: “Did he say ‘eww’ afterwards?”

    Rescued From A Life Of Deliciousness

    | Bristol, UK |

    Customer: “I want some of these coffee beans, but I want them as a powder.”

    Me: “Yes, we can grind them here for you if you like.”

    Customer: “But will it hurt the beans?”

    Me: “Well, it won’t affect the beans in any way – it will still be the same coffee, if that’s what you mean?”

    Customer: “No, I mean will it HURT the beans?”

    Me: “…well, they’re coffee beans, so I don’t think they can actually feel any pain…”

    Customer: “But you aren’t 100% sure on that…I think I’ll leave it, then.”

    Ironically, He Works With Balls…

    | Sparks, NV, USA |

    Customer: “I’m going to be pitching for my softball team, and I need a cup and jockstrap.”

    Me: “Sure thing, they’re right over here.”

    Customer: “How do you know what size to get?”

    Me: “The jockstraps are measured by waistband size. All the cups are the same size.”

    Customer: “Those cups are all huge! There’s no way I can fill one of those up!”

    Me: “…”

    Back To Basics Is Best

    | San Antonio, TX, USA |

    Customer: “I need something to make a nail go into a piece of wood…you know, to make it stay where I’m putting it.”

    Me: “…a hammer, sir?”

    Customer: “Oh, is that what you would recommend?”

    Me: “Uh…yeah.”

    Customer: “Great, show me where they are!”

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