A Pregnant Pause For Thought

| Norwich, UK | Uncategorized

Customer: “Where are the pregnancy test kits?”

Me: “Over there, by the condoms.”

Customer: “If I knew where the condoms were, I wouldn’t need the pregnancy test!”

Related:
A Not So Pregnant Pause For Thought

D’ohpe, Part 2

| Brisbane, Australia | Uncategorized

(I’m a criminal lawyer at a free legal service. I am talking to a client on a DUI.)

Me: “…so, after the guilty plea I make submissions to try and minimise the penalty.”

Client: “You want an excuse or something?”

Me: “Well, actually there’s no excuse or defence under our law, but maybe if we submit your circumstances we can ask for the lesser end of the penalty.”

Client: *in all seriousness* “Well, tell them I wasn’t thinking straight cause of all the dope I’d smoked.”

Related:
D’ohpe

Coriander Kimchi

| CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Welcome to [interpreting company]. What language do you need?”

Customer: “I need Coriander.”

Me: “Coriander? Do you mean ‘Korean’?”

Customer: “No, they said they need Coriander.”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t have any interpreters that speak Coriander. I can provide you with a Korean interpreter, however.”

Customer: “Okay, but I’m pretty sure they said they needed Coriander…”

Zodi-whack

| Longmont, CO, USA | Bizarre, Top

Me: “Thank you for calling [name of store]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I was wondering where your Louisville location is.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We do not have a store in that area.”

Caller: “Oh, okay.”

(Ten minutes later, the phone rings again. It is the same woman.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [name of store]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I was just wondering where your Louisville location is. The last girl I talked to sounded like a Taurus, and my horoscope today said I cannot trust one of those people.”

Me: “Don’t worry, ma’am. I’m a Scorpio. You can trust me when I say that we do not currently have a store in Louisville.”

Caller: “You mean [store name] hired a Scorpio? Those are the worst! Have your owners call me when they fire you so that I can finally go back there!” *hangs up*

Acting Cents-less

| Arlington, MA, USA | Top

Me: “And how would you like that $500?”

Customer: “In one bill.”

Me: *trying to be nice* “Would five hundreds do?”

Customer: “No! One bill!”

(I give her five hundreds, and she throws them back at me. My supervisor comes over.)

Supervisor: “Problem?”

Customer: “Yes, he refuses to give me what I want.”

Supervisor: “There is no $500 bill.”

Customer: “Yes there is!”

Supervisor: “Not since the late 1800’s ma’am.”

Customer: “I remember seeing it!”

Supervisor: “Then might I say you look great for your age!”

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