November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Married To No One Inn Particular

| Annapolis, MD, USA | Hotels & Lodging, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

(I’m checking in a woman who walked into our hotel. We have 2 rooms left, and are one of the pricier hotels in the area.)

Me: “Your room will be [price] plus tax per night.”

Customer: “You don’t have anything cheaper?”

Me: “Not right now. We are almost sold out tonight.”

Customer: “Not triple A?”

Me: No, I’m sorry.

Customer: *mumbling* “My house burned down!”

Me: “I’m very sorry.”

Customer: *mumbling* “I’m dying!”

Me: “Uhm…”

Customer: “My husband just died!”

Me: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “He was in the military! I want a room for a hundred dollars less!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t ever offer rooms that low. There are hotels right across the street that do, though.”

Customer: “No! I want to stay here! My husband loves this place. It’s the only place he will stay.”

Me: “Your deceased husband?”

Customer: “Uh, no, the other one.”

Me: “Your other husband?”

Customer: “Just give me a room.”

(She gets keys, walks out of the hotel, and returns with a man.)

Customer: “See, he isn’t dead!”

Me: “I’m glad to see that.”

Customer: *to man* “She was trying to kill you!”

Personal Caller

| Maryland, USA | Bizarre, Technology, Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling customer service. My name is [name]. How can I help you today?”

Elderly Customer: “Are you a person? A real live person?”

Me: “Yes ma’am, I certainly am.”

Elderly Customer: “I got a person! I GOT A PERSON! Oh my goodness, I got a real person!”

Best Keep A Lid On Acts That Stupid

| Chicago, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

(A customer comes in, clearly inebriated, and orders a chili. We get it for him, he sits down but a couple of minutes later he comes back up to the counter.)

Customer: “I think my chili is still frozen.”

Me: “Are you sure? It should be quite hot.”

Customer: “I’ll show you.”

(He gets the chili and attempts to put his spoon in it.)

Me: “Sir, the lid is still on.”

There Is No Spoon

| Farmington, NM, USA | Bizarre, Uncategorized

(I’m opening the store for the day, and an elderly gentleman comes over to me.)

Me: “Hello!”

Customer: “Hello!” *looks around for a moment* “Do you have your spoon?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Your spoon.” *produces a metal spoon from his pocket* “Do you have your spoon?”

Me: “I’m afraid I must have forgotten it.”

Customer: “Well, what will you do if you find some ice cream?”

Me: “I suppose I’ll have to use an ice cream cone instead.”

(Seemingly satisfied and nodding, the man continues on his way.)

The Mother Of All Sicknesses

| Mesa, AZ, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Uncategorized

Customer: “I need to get an appointment for my son right away!”

Me: “Okay, has he seen the doctor before?”

Customer: “No. He had an appointment but he missed it.”

(I get the patient’s name and check him in the computer. He missed a consult appointment on 8/10 and didn’t call to cancel. He simply didn’t show up. It is now 9/27.)

Me: “Okay, our next available appointment is October 22nd.”

Customer: “That’s not soon enough! Don’t you have anything sooner?”

Me: “That’s our next available routine appointment. If you want to have his primary care physician call and speak with our doctor, we may be able to move it up, but right now I can’t put him in our emergency slots.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “It’s our policy not to give out emergency slots to patients who have previously no-showed appointments.”

Customer: “What if it’s an emergency?”

Me: “Given that his original appointment that you missed was six weeks ago, I find that unlikely.”

Customer: “He’s got hormones in his brain!”

*long awkward silence*

Me: “He’s a teenage boy, right?”

Customer: “It’s an emergency!”

The Mother Of All Excuses