October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Left At The Hereafter

| Norway | Health & Body, Uncategorized

(I have to talk to many different dentists through the day. The old ones speak in a very old-fashioned Norwegian.)

Me: "[Company name] this is [my name]. How may I help you?"

Client: "Yes, you see, my customer just left, and I forgot to take a copy of his bill. Could you send me a new one?"

Me: "Sure miss, but I can see you live quite the distance from here, may I suggest calling the customer to get it back, or get the numbers? I am quite sure it’ll be easier for you."

Client: "But you don’t understand! He just left!"

Me: "I understand miss. I still believe it would be easier for you if you just called the customer though."

Client: "What part of ‘he just left’ is so hard to understand? He left!”

Me: "I see, I’m sorry if I bothered you with my opinions. I’m printing out a copy of the bill right as we speak, and it’ll be out by tomorrow at noon."

Client: "Good. That’s alright then.” *mumbles to herself* “…asking me to call his widow for the bill. Outrageous."

Me: "Widower? Excuse me miss, but is your customer dead?"

Client: "Oh, so now you get it, huh? I told you he left!"

Debt Collection Is All That It Is Cracked Up To Be

| Texas, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hello, may I please speak to Jane Doe?”

Customer: “Which one? One’s my wife and one’s my sister.”

Me: “Jane L. Doe.”

Customer: “That’s my sister. She’s a crackhead. We don’t associate with her anymore. She still owes me hundreds of dollars.”

Me: “Well, do you know anyone who could get in touch with her? Maybe your parents?”

Customer: “My parents don’t talk to her anymore either. And even if they did, I don’t want to hassle them over my good-for-nothing crackhead of a sister. Why do you want to talk to her?”

Me: “I need to speak with her regarding the property on [address].”

Customer: “That’s my house. What Jane Doe did you say you were looking for?”

Me: “Jane L Doe.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s my wife. She’s not a crackhead. She’s at church.”

Off The Clock Customer Block

| Robinson, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Uncategorized

(After my shift, I am shopping in the store I work at. I am not wearing my name tag, but still wearing a plain blue polo and black slacks.)

Customer: “Excuse me! You work here, don’t you?”

Me: “Well, yeah but not right now I actually just–”

Customer: “Can you find these shoes for me?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m done for the day. I just clocked out.”

Customer: “Then what are you doing here?”

Me: “I’m shopping too.”

Customer: “You shouldn’t be allowed to do that!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You guys shouldn’t be allowed to shop while normal people are shopping! I want to speak to your manager!”

Slippery When Wet

| Foxboro, MA, USA | Musical Mayhem, Uncategorized

(I’m working at a football stadium at a Bon Jovi concert. A drunk customer orders a water.)

Customer: “Why can I not have the cap to this!?”

Me: “It’s policy that we can’t give them to you. People used to throw full bottles onto the field and stages during events and it’s a safety hazard for the performers, athletes, and other members of the audience.”

Customer: *absolutely serious* “Why would ANYONE want to throw ANYTHING at Bon Jovi?!”

Ooooooooh Dear

| Fort Kent, MN, USA | Funny Names, Uncategorized

(I am stocking shelves, a customer comes up asking for assistance to find an item.)

Customer: “I need to find some Eight O’s corn.”

Me: “I’m not familiar with that brand, ma’am, but I will do my best to help. Are you looking for corn that is fresh, frozen or canned?”

Customer: “How am I supposed to know that? It’s Eight O’s corn!”

Me:  “Well, is it cold?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “It is probably in our frozen section, then. Let’s go take a look.”

(After pointing out our selection of frozen corn, she picks up a bag of store brand frozen corn excitedly.)

Customer: “This is it! Eight O’s!”

(I look at the item and see she has picked up an 8 oz. bag).

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