Giving Customers The Slip

| NY, USA | Top

(At our cafe, a massive puddle has formed after a customer spills a beverage. I quickly get to the process of
cleaning it up. A customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Why are you doing this when there is a line out the door?!”

Me: “Sir, I have to clean this puddle up for safety reasons. The last thing anyone would like to see is someone slipping on this puddle.”

(Aside from the fact that there are only few people waiting on the line, there are two other baristas helping the customers.)

Customer: “Well, there is a line here, and I can’t believe you are doing this crap! I need to catch the train in a few minutes!”

(I decide that escalating the issue is not worth the effort. I place a wet floor sign on the puddle, and proceed to bring down the line. After the unruly customer gets his beverage, he turns around and steps into the puddle. Lo and behold, he comes crashing down to the floor. He gets up and storms up to me with a furious expression.)

Customer: *fuming* “What the h*** is this?! Why would you leave a dangerous puddle of water on the floor like that? That puddle could have killed me! I’m going to sue for this!”

Me: “Sir, if you can remember, I was in the process of cleaning that before you demanded that the line be brought down quicker. Also, there was a wet floor sign out there clearly stating the hazard.”

Customer: “I want to speak to the manager of this place! It’s manned by incompetent idiots!”

Me: *with a pleasant smile* “Hi! My name is [name] and I am the manager on duty. How can I help you?”

(The customer’s jaw drops. After staring at me for a couple of seconds, he attempts to mutter something but turns around and scurries out of the store.)

Your Finances Are In The Brown

| NJ, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for using [bank]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “My checking account looks like it’s in the rear.”

Receipt Cheat

, | TX, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I thought that your tacos were 79 cents today.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, they are. If you’ll look at the bottom of your receipt, it’ll show you that the price was discounted.”

Customer: “But it says $1.09 here, not 70 cents. You did this wrong.”

Me: “Ma’am, if you’ll notice the bottom of the receipt, it has a negative amount. That means that much was taken off of the price of tacos.”

(The customer looks lower on the receipt and becomes indignant.)

Customer: “What? I don’t owe you 90 cents!”

Me: “No, ma’am, you don’t. That just says that’s how much was taken off the tacos to make them 79 cents.”

Customer: “But you charged me $1.09. It clearly says that your tacos today are 79 cents.”

Me: “Ma’am, can I see your receipt?”

(I take the receipt, and use a pen to mark out the price and put in $0.79 on it.)

Customer: “Oh! That looks better. Thanks so much.”

(She happily takes her food and leaves.)

You Bite It, You Buy It

, | Clitheroe, England, UK | Uncategorized

(I work in a charity shop selling used items. A customer walks up to me with a pair of gloves.)

Customer: “Are these gloves waterproof?”

Me: “They look it, sir.”

Customer: “I’ll just test them out.”

(The customer then proceeds to bite the gloves, covering them with his spit in the process, while everyone close to him looks on in horror.)

Customer: “Yes, I’ll take these.”

Her Head’s Up Where That Sandwich Is

| Kirksville, MO, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’d like about a pound of honey maple ham, shaved.”

Me: “Alrighty.”

(I start slicing.)

Customer: “I just want you to know, honey maple ham sliced by your hands is like eating a sandwich made of clouds.”

Me: “Um, thank you?”

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