Poppies And Muffins And Flies, Oh My

| CA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, it looks like flies have laid eggs in your muffins.”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, those are poppy seeds.”

Customer: “No they’re not, they can’t be. Poppies are from ‘The Wizard of Oz.’ They’re not real.”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, they’re quite real.”

Customer: “Oh.” *turns to her approximately 8 year-old
son*
“Don’t eat those! They’ll make you fall asleep!”

Ex-Box

| Lake Charles, LA, USA | Top

Me: “Thank you for calling, how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah. Do Xbox 360s come with cup holders?”

Me: “Uh…”

Person in the background: “IT’S ON FIRE!”

Pretty Obvious

| OR, USA | Uncategorized

(I work for a wireless service company. I’m taking a look over a customer’s account to determine if he’s eligible for a discount on a new phone.)

Customer: “You sound really pretty. Way prettier than the last girl I talked to here.”

Me: “I can’t get you a free phone.”

Customer: “I’m not saying that to get anything from you, I just think you sound pretty.”

Me: “I still can’t get you a free phone.”

Customer: “Well then, you sound equally as pretty as the last girl!”

Queer As Folk Re-Vamped

| Melbourne, Australia | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hey. You were talking about vampire books with the last customer?”

Me: “The’yre here on the wall next to the counter.”

Customer: “Do you have any gay ones?”

Me: “Do you mean as in homoerotic literature?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Oh, no. Have you tried [romance bookshop] across the road?”

Customer: “Why would I go there? I just want gay vampires.”

Me: “Well that’s generally a subsection of romance, not Sci-Fi.”

Customer: “I don’t want romance! I just want gay vampires!”

How Not To Curry Favor

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “How may I help you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, am I calling India? Because I don’t want to be talking to some outsourced guy.”

Me: “No, sir, you are not.”

Customer: “I’ve been watching this TV show about how they can disguise their accents. How do I really know you aren’t in India?”

Me: “Sir, we are based out of Los Angeles.”

Customer: “Well, prove it then. What’s the capital of Los Angeles?”

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