Featured Story:
  • Bigotry Is Not On The Menu
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  • Nobody Nose

    | Columbia City, IN, USA | Uncategorized

    (Our shop offers free wireless internet with any purchase. We keep it password-protected ever since we discovered the neighbors were stealing it. I give the password out at the register; changing it once a week and keeping it as random as possible.)

    Customer: “What’s the password today?”

    Me: “Nostrils.”

    Customer: “What the h*** kind of password is that? I never would have guessed that!”

    Gotta Try It Sooner Or Latte

    | Tukwila, WA, USA | Uncategorized

    (We serve a limited number of coffee drinks made automatically by machine.)

    Customer: “I’d like a hazelnut latte, please.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have other flavors. I can give you a regular latte.”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “Just a regular latte.”

    Customer: “What does it taste like?”

    Me: “It’s just coffee and milk.”

    Customer: “Oh. I’ve never tried that! Maybe I should.”

    Crashed Diet

    | New York, NY, USA | Top

    (A well-dressed woman and her teenage daughter are out to lunch at one of my tables. I have already brought them their drinks.)

    Customer: *waving me over* “Miss! I asked for a diet soda.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry. I must have picked up another server’s order by mistake. Let me get you a new one.”

    (I fill a diet soda myself and deliver it. Before even tasting it, she speaks up.)

    Customer: “No! This isn’t diet soda! I’m on a very strict diet and I can’t have carbs!”

    Me: “I filled it myself. I assure you that it is diet.”

    Customer: *poking the drink with a straw* “Then what are these? I can see the carbs everywhere!”

    Me: “You can see the carbs, Ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes! Are you blind? Can’t you see the bubbles?”

    Customer’s teenage daughter: “Oh my God, mom! ‘Carbs’ mean carbohydrates, not carbonation!”

    A Touching Gift

    | Maryland, USA | Top

    Me: “Hi, can I help you find something?”

    Customer: “I touch my granddaughter.”

    *awkward silence*

    Customer: *turning bright red* “I mean, I want an iTouch for my granddaughter!”

    Loyalty Ist Verboten!

    | Ontario, Canada | Uncategorized

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Customer: *in thick German accent* “I am great.”

    Me: “Perfect! You’re total will be $****. Do you have a [Gas Station] Points Card?”

    Customer: “No! I am German! I have everything I need!”

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