Featured Story:
  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • I Get By With A Little Help From Employees

    | Torrance, CA, USA |

    (I walk into a convenience store, and the only clerk in the store is helping an older man in a dress shirt button up his shirt. The man in the shirt notices me walk in.)

    Man: “Hey buddy, you mind helping me button up this top button?”

    Me: “Um, OK…”

    (The man approaches me and, after much effort, I manage to get his top button tied. The shirt is obviously way too small. He thanks me and the clerk, then heads out the door, buttoning the rest of his shirt.)

    Clerk: “Thanks. That’s the third time he’s been in here this week.”

    Lacking The Most Important Sense Of All: Common

    | Sugar Land, TX, USA | Top

    (At my store, we have several baggers that are deaf. On this day, one of them was bagging for me and I was running a register.)

    Customer: *to bagger* “Excuse me, where is the mens’ room?”

    Bagger: *motions that he is deaf and cannot hear him*

    Customer: “I SAID where is the mens’ room?!”

    Bagger: *points to the sign on his nametag stating he is deaf*

    Customer: “Aren’t you going to tell me where the mens’ room is?!”

    Me: “Sir, he can’t hear you; he’s deaf.”

    Customer: “Why is he so f***ing rude? I asked him a question; he could just TELL me he’s deaf.”

    Me: “Sir, the mens’ room is over there.” *points*

    Customer: *to bagger* “You should’ve told me you’re deaf. It’s rude to not answer people like that.”

    Me: *signs to bagger to tell him what the customer said*

    Bagger: *signs back, “What an idiot!”*

    What A Bad Decision Looks Like

    | Tyler, TX, USA |

    (A woman comes into our store with her three children, one 5-6 years old, one toddler, and another still in a stroller. The eldest children immediately grab Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas off the shelves and beseech their mother.)

    Children: “Mommy, Mommy! Can we have this one?”

    Customer: “Sure, honey.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s not a game for children.”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Well, it’s rated Mature. That means it has lots of violence, and I also know it’s got drugs and sexual themes. It’s really meant for adults only.”

    Customer: *turning back to her boys* “Are you SURE this is the one you want?”

    Children: *eyes now bulging with excitement after they overheard my description* “YES! YES!”

    Customer: “Okay, then.”

    Walk Loudly And Carry A Sharp Stick

    | Alberta, Canada |

    (A couple comes up to me looking for something to help against attacking cougars. I recommend bear spray, a high-power pepper spray to repel predators.)

    Customer: “Nah, we don’t need bear spray. Sometimes that stuff just pisses them off, y’know?”

    Me: “Well, in some rare cases–”

    Customer: “Hey what are those?” *points at 18″ machetes*

    Me: “Those are machetes.”

    Customer: “That’s perfect! That’s just what we ened. If there’s a cougar we don’t need no Bear Spray! We’ll just fight ‘em off with this!”

    Me: “Okay…you sure you wouldn’t like some bear spray, too? Just as a first option?”

    Customer: “Nah, sometimes that just pisses them off!”

    The Real Meaning Of Finger Food

    , | Bozeman, MT, USA |

    (I work at a restaurant that specializes in roast beef. A customer is standing at the end of the counter, staring at the meat slicer.)

    Customer: “Can I touch the beef?”

    Me: “Sorry?”

    Customer: “The beef. On the slicer. I want to touch it.”

    Me: “Uh, I can’t let you do that.”

    Customer: “But why?”

    Me: “Well, we can’t turn the slicer off during the lunch rush unless we’re putting a new roast on it.”

    Customer: “Oh, you don’t have to turn the slicer off, I just wanna touch the beef!”

    Me: “Well, I don’t want to serve anyone a sliced beef and finger sandwich today, so tough luck.”

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