Picking On Pockets

| Boston, MA, USA | Top

Customer: “Two white wines, please.”

Me: “Sure thing. Your total will be $****.”

Customer: “$****?! That’s a little steep. I bet you’re lining your pockets.”

(I look down at my uniform, which is a black cocktail dress.)

Me: “Sir, I don’t have pockets.”

Customer: “Touché.”

A Library With A Likely Story

| USA | Top

(I find a wallet with the owner’s ID from middle school.)

Me: *over the all-call speakers* “[Name], please come up to the front desk for your missing wallet. [Name], please come up to the front desk.”

(An adult comes up to the front desk.)

Adult: “Hi, I’m [name].”

Me: “I’m sorry, but according to this ID, she’s still in middle school.”

Adult: “Oh, I’m, um, her sister.”

Me: “With the same name?”

Adult: “Yeah, my mom was a little weird. Can I have her wallet now?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’d like to see your sister and put this is in her possession.”

Adult:”What!? What do you think I’m going to do, steal my sister’s money or something? Just give me the d*** wallet!”

(A girl comes over.)

Girl: “Hi, I’m [Name].”

Adult: “Sis! Where were you? It’s been 10 minutes. I tried to give the wallet to you to save time, but this stupid woman thinks I’m not your sister!”

Girl: “Who are you?”

Week 17: Alternative Title Contest

Facebook |

Congratulations to last week’s Facebook Alternative Title contest winner, Abigail Adams!

How would you like a chance to win a FREE copy of the Not Always Right Book this week? Just follow the steps below:

Step 1: Think of an alternative title to any story on the Not Always Right website.
Step 2: Leave a comment on this Facebook thread with the current title of the story and your ‘new and improved’ alternative title below.

The contest will run every week, from Sunday to Sunday, midnight Eastern Standard Time.

This Is A Bad Sign

| Australia |

(A customer is making a purchase on credit card.)

Me: “Alright, could I just check the signature on your card?”

Customer: “I didn’t sign it.”

Me: “I’ll need to see some ID then, please. And I would recommend signing it as soon as possible so that if you lose it, no one else will be able to use it.”

Customer: “Oh, but that’s what I did last time. Someone just copied my signature.”

Me: “Sorry to hear that. Still, I would sign it or write “Photo ID only” on it or something, or if you lose it someone will just put their own signature on the back.”

Customer: “No…if there’s nothing there, there’s nothing for them to copy!”

Cold Calling

| California, USA | Bizarre

Caller: “Hello, may I speak to Mr. Ralph ******?”

Me: “I’m sorry, he’s dead.”

Caller: “Oh, I’m very sorry for your loss.”

Me: “It’s okay. It’s been 20 years. I think we’re over it.”

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