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    Doesn’t Take A Genus

    | Orlando, FL, USA | Uncategorized

    (A father and his young daughter were at a popular theme park looking at the manatees.)

    Daughter: “What animals are these?”

    Father: “I don’t know honey, I think it’s a woolly mammoth.”

    Me: “Sir, those are manatees.”

    Father: *shrugs* “Well, I was close!”

    Caller I-D’oh

    | Waukesha, WI, USA | Uncategorized

    (I am calling customers to remind them to pick up their ready orders.)

    Girl: “Ooh… Mmm… Ahh…”

    (A fumbling sound can be heard as more moaning and gasping.)

    Me: “Ah. Yes, this is [my name] calling from [Opticians] and I just wanted to speak with [client’s name] however, if this is a bad time–”

    Girl: “Mmm… Hold on.”

    (I hear the sound of the phone being handed over to another person.)

    Man: “Ooh… Mmm… Ahh… Just kidding, mom. What’s up? I thought
    you were at the spa today.”

    Me: “Actually I’m not your mom. This is actually just [my name] calling from [Opticians] to let you know your order’s been ready for quite some time to pickup.”

    Man: “Oh, t-thanks.”

    Me: “Yep, that’s no problem. Have a good day.”

    Don’t Kid Around About Sex And Violence

    | Huntsville, AL, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “Can I help you find something?”

    Customer: “I was in the airport and saw this book it was blue and said something about a ranger. It looked really good, so I was trying to find it here.”

    Me: “Sounds like The Rangers Apprentice series. It’s a kids’ book.”

    Customer: “No, it couldn’t be a kids’ book. It looked really interesting.”

    (Several minutes ensue of trying to find anything else that it could be. I ask him to wait a moment while I check the kids’ section and get the newest Rangers apprentice book and return.)

    Me: “Is this it?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “That’s the book I was telling you about. It’s technically a kids’ series, but it’s still a good book–just without the sex and violence.”

    Customer: “None at all? But that’s why I read them!”

    Try Calling Nine-One-Number-Two

    | Delano, CA, USA | Uncategorized

    Me: “911, what’s your emergency?”

    Caller: “I need help, Hurry, Hurry!” *hangs up*

    (I try to call back but get no answer. Two officers are sent, this is what I am told happened:)

    (The officers are met at the door by the caller.)

    Caller: “In the bathroom. Hurry! Hurry!”

    (The officers go to the bathroom, but don’t see anything wrong.)

    Officer: “What happened? Why do you need the police?”

    Caller: “My toilet is plugged up. I need you to fix it.”

    Officer: “We don’t fix toilets. You need a plumber. 911 is for emergencies only.”

    Caller: “This is an emergency. I need to use the toilet now!”

    Contains Crosswords, Sudoku and Tentacles

    | UK | Uncategorized

    (A respectable looking man in his 50’s approaches.)

    Customer: “Hi! Do you sell hentai puzzle magazines?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “Hentai puzzles. My daughter likes them.”

    Me: “Could you mean Hanjei puzzles? (Note: Hanjei is a popular puzzle magazine.)

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