November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Sadly Wasn’t Born Yesterday, Part 2

| Texas, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [hospital]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah. I had a baby at your hospital about a week ago, and when I was discharged I got a lot of papers and some samples. One of the papers says something about a PKU test.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. How can I help you with that?”

Caller: “Well, it says on this paper that I need to bring my ‘new arrival’ to registration and they would help me get the PKU test done. I want you to know that I have looked all through the papers and stuff you gave me and I can’t find anything marked ‘new arrival’. What is this ‘new arrival’ I am supposed to bring with me when I come in?”

Me: “Ma’am, that would be your infant child…your new baby.”

Caller: “Oh my freaking God! If you mean ‘new baby’, then write ‘new baby’! Not everyone understands this hospital medical jargon!”

Sadly Wasn’t Born Yesterday

Children Get Sick Periodically

| New York, New York, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body, Uncategorized

(A woman walks into the store with her young daughter. Her daughter looks feverish and is sniffling.)

Customer: “Oh look honey, they have candy bars. Go get yourself one while mommy shops for her things.”

(The little girl walks up to the counter and takes a candy bar.)

Me: “Are you feeling okay, little girl?”

Daughter: “My mommy says as long as she gets her tampons, I’ll feel better.”

(The girl suddenly vomits all over the candy bars and on the counter.)


Not Much Between The Temples

| Pembroke Pines, FL, USA | Religion, Uncategorized

Customer: “I need to speak to the person in charge!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m the only one in the office right now. Is there anything I can help you with?”

Customer: “There’s no Jesus memorabilia in your display cases!”

Me: “Ma’am, this is a temple. Maybe you’re looking for the church across the street?”

Customer: “I know this is a temple you dumb b****! All temples need Jesus in them. Otherwise, how is this a house of worship?”

Me: “I’m going to have to ask you to calm down, there’s a preschool class next door. And Jews don’t believe in Jesus as being a–”

Customer: *yelling* “What?! What the f*** do you mean you don’t believe in Jesus our Lord? How long has this been going on?!”

Me: “I’d say a good thousand years prior to Jesus, ma’am.”

Winding Down On Dialing Up

| Hawaii, USA | Family & Kids, Technology, Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for contacting technical support. How can I help you?”

Customer: *whispering* “Can you shut my internet off for four hours?”

Me: “I could disable the port, but may I ask why?”

Customer: *whispering* “My son has been locked in his room since last night and he won’t come out or talk to me. He hasn’t eaten breakfast yet and it’s 3 pm.”

Me: “I suppose I could, however, you will need to call us to re-enable your connection.”

Customer: “Thank you! I don’t know what he’s doing in there on the computer. It’s been like this since we got your internet.”

Me: “Your connection has been disabled. Is there anything else I can do for you tonight?”

Customer: “No, thank you. I hope he comes out soon!”

Tron’s Legacy

| Florida, USA | Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Uncategorized

(I work at a certain attraction where you run, jump and dance at the video capture station, then that video is put into a video game and the avatar is yourself. A little girl approaches.)

Me: “Hello sweetheart, have you played before?”

Girl: “No.”

Me: “Well, basically you run jump and dance in here. Then, our computers put you into the video game!”

Girl: “But…how do we get out of the video game?”