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  • Thou Shalt Not Pick And Choose
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    The Wrong Outlet For Your Problems

    | Orlando, FL, USA |

    Me: “Okay ma‚Äôam, lets try resetting your modem.”

    Customer: “How do I do that?”

    Me: “Is there a button on the modem?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “That’s okay. Not all modems have a reset button. We can just unplug it and plug it back in.”

    Customer: “Which cord do I unplug?”

    Me: “The one that plugs into the wall.”

    Customer: “Which one is that?”

    Me: “Do you see those larger wires come from the back that go into your computer?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “None of the wires that look like that.”

    Customer: “Oh.. okay. So this small one that says Modem?”

    Me: “That‚Äôs the one.”

    Customer: “What about this other one?”

    Me: “What other one?”

    Customer: “There’s another thin wire that goes to this other box.”

    Me: “That’s for your phone. Leave that one alone.”

    Customer: “Okay. So pull out that wire?”

    Me: “No. Just–”

    Customer: *click*

    No Longer A Custo-Mary Holiday

    | Portland, OR, USA |

    (I am on the sales floor and there is a woman shopping with her little daughter. The daughter noticed a red and white sweater.)

    Daughter: “Look Mom, doesn’t this look like something Santa Claus would wear?”

    Mother: “Santa Claus? Who’s that? Santa Claus is a fictional man they made up to take the place of Jesus.”

    A Wii Bit Of Borderline Arrogance

    | New Hampshire |

    Customer: “Do you have any Wiis?”

    Me: “No sir, Wiis are all sold out.”

    (Customer pulls out a badge and flashes it briefly.)

    Customer: “You sure you don’t have any Wiis?”

    Me: “No sir, no Wiis. What exactly was that badge?”

    Customer: “Border Patrol.”

    (This being New Hampshire, I have to ask:)

    Me: “Which border?”

    Customer: “Canadian.”

    (Customer walks away with a self-important air.)

    Your Call Is Placed Two-Billionth – Hold, Please

    | Raleigh, NC, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, do you carry cell phone repeaters?”

    Me: “We do not.”

    Customer: “Any idea where I can get one?”

    Me: “The internet would be your best bet.”

    Customer: “Do you have the phone number for the internet?”

    Helping Is Its Own Reward (Card)

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    Me: “Hello. Do you have a rewards card?”

    Customer: “No. Why would I want a stupid piece of plastic for?”

    Me: “Okay. That’ll be–”

    Customer: “What? Aren’t you going to lecture me on the benefits of your card?”

    Me: “Well, you get coupons and discounts.”

    Customer: “I don’t need that! Stop hounding me about your stupid piece of plastic!”

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