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    University Of Homer Simpson

    | Miami, FL, USA |

    (I’m 19 and a customer in his mid-twenties comes up to me with a 6-pack of beer and some beef jerky.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, since I’m underage I can’t sell you this beer. Would you mind waiting for my coworker?”

    Customer: “Oh, sure no problem. Can I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Sure.”

    Customer: “You’re of Indian descent, right?”

    Me: “That’s right, sir.”

    Customer: “But you were born here in America, right?”

    Me: “Uh, no actually. I was born in India, but I moved here pretty young.”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me, you don’t have an accent! I’ve seen all the movies! Any Indian character who works at a gas station always has an accent!”

    Just Wait Until They Discover Palindromes

    | Australia |

    Me: “Okay, we now need to log into your modem. It should ask for login details.”

    Customer: “What are they?”

    Me: “Admin and admin are the username and password.”

    Customer: “Are the passwords in that order?”

    Me: “Umm. Sure, go for it.”

    Customer: “Ok, I’d hate to have gotten them mixed up!”

    Disease Or Not, You’re Still A Douche

    | Connecticut, USA | Top

    (A customer has just finished placing a rather large and pricey order of several large popcorns loaded with butter, large drinks, and random candies.)

    Me: “That’ll come to $55.75, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh… I have cancer.”

    Me: “Um… I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “So I don’t have to pay, right?”

    Me: “No, you still have to pay.”

    Customer: “Why? I’m a cancer patient!”

    Me: “You’re also trying to walk away with nearly $60 in concession items. I’m sorry, but I can’t give that to you because you have cancer.”

    Customer: “Oh, come on! What if I told you I had heart disease?”

    Me: “I guess I’d have to ask why you’re in such a rush to kill yourself?”

    Be All The Genders You Can Be

    | Seattle, WA, USA |

    (An older man who looks to be in his 80s approaches the counter.)

    Me: “Good morning, sir.”

    Customer: “I’m not a ‘sir’.”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “…ma’am?”

    Customer: “Are you getting sarcastic with me?”

    Me: “No…you’re confusing me.”

    Customer: “Have you been in the military?”

    Me: “…no. But several of my family members have.”

    Customer: “Well, you should. You’d be perfect.” *salutes and leaves*

    Coworker: *walking in* “Who was that guy?”

    Me: “Sergeant Transvestite?”

    Amen, Part 2

    , | Australia |

    Caller: “I’m not happy with the website.”

    Me: “Why?”

    Caller: “It’s not reporting my usage correctly.”

    Me: “I’m very sorry about that. Is it saying you have used more than you think you have?”

    Caller: “No, it’s saying I have not used any.”

    Me: “Oh, that means we were accidentally giving it to you for free. Thanks for telling me!”

    Caller: “Crap! I should learn not to complain!”

    Related:
    Amen

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