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    Strange Math In These Here Parts

    | Flagstaff, AZ, USA |

    Customer: “What time is check in at your hotel?”

    Me: “3 pm.”

    Customer: “And check out?”

    Me: “11 am.”

    Customer: “Ok, so we got 4 hours.”

    Me: “Um, yeah…”

    When You Care Enough To Send…Something

    | Perrysburg, OH, USA |

    Me: *on the phone* “So you want a dozen roses…what color would you like? Red?”

    Customer: “NO! Not red! Let’s do pink…red means love, and I don’t want love. I just want to get laid!”

    Me: “OK…pink roses it is.”

    Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

    Quantity Does Not Equal Quality

    | Sacramento, CA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling Tech Support, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi – could you send me one of your free connection CDs?”

    Me: “Sure!”

    (I pull up her account and see that she’s already ordered 50 copies.)

    Me: “Uh, ma’am? It seems you’ve already requested several CDs. Is there a reason you need another?”

    Customer: “Well, yes! I used up the other CDs already.”

    Me: “Ma’am, you can re-use the CDs. Have you been throwing them away?”

    Customer: “No. I put them into the little slot and they just slide in, and the computer keeps them. I thought it was like a bus ticket!”

    (I recommended that she go to a local repair shop. They in turn removed almost 100 CDs from the inside of her case.)

    Allergy Season Nightmare

    | Portland, OR, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling ***, this is ***, how can I help you?”

    Customer: *yelling* “IS THIS TECH SUPPORT?!”

    Me: “Yes ma’am, it is. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “My internets are broken and I need you to fix it now.”

    Me: “OK, what’s your account number?”

    Customer: “Ugh. You can’t just see it?”

    Me: “No Ma’am, I have to look it up in our database.”

    Customer: “S***. Fine, it’s ***.”

    Me: “All right, just a moment here while I bring up the info…”

    Customer: “Just hurry it up, will you?”

    Me: “OK, it’s coming up now…”

    Customer: *sneezes*

    (About 10 seconds pass in silence. I can hear children talking in the background.)

    Customer: “Excuse me…”

    (I stay quiet, assuming she’s talking to the children.)

    Customer: “EXCUSE ME!”

    Me: “Sorry, were you speaking to me?”

    Customer: “YES YOU IDIOT! WHAT THE F*** is WRONG with you people?”

    Me: “I’m sorry? I’m not sure I understand…”

    Customer: “I SNEEZED AND YOU DIDN’T BLESS ME! WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF ATHEIST?! DON’T YOU REALIZE WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF YOU DON’T BLESS SOMEONE WHEN THEY SNEEZE?”

    Me: “Actually, ma’am, I really don’t, but I apol–”

    Customer: *interrupting* “YOU’RE A F***ING HEATHEN! I HOPE YOU BURN IN H*** FOR THIS YOU…” *continues screaming*

    Me: “Ma’am, I apologize if I’ve offended. I’ve found your account information, and it looks like your service was terminated three months ago.”

    Customer: “YES! THAT’S HOW LONG IT’S BEEN DOWN – WHY CAN’T YOU FIX IT?!”

    Me: “Because you don’t have an account with us anymore. You were canceled because of non-payment. If you’d like, I can transfer you to billing, and–”

    Customer: *unintelligible screaming then hangs up*

    Getting Your Priorities Straight, Part 2

    | Massachusetts, USA |

    (A customer comes in with four very young kids.)

    Customer: “Does [R-rated police drama] have any nudity in it?”

    Me: “No, but it’s incredibly violent.”

    Customer: “…but there’s no sex or nudity, right?”

    Me: “No, it’s just really violent and bloody.”

    Customer: “I’ll have one adult and four kids, please!”

    Related: Getting Your Priorities Straight

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