Part-Time, Double-Time

| London, England, UK | Uncategorized

(I am working in a pub with two public entrances: it has one small side entrance and another on the main street on the opposite wall. A 20 year-old girl enters through the side entrance and approaches the counter.)

Customer: “Hi. I’m looking for a part-time job.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t need staff at the moment.”

(The girl leaves through the same entrance, walks around the building, walks in through the other door, and approaches the bar.)

Customer: “Hi. I’m looking for a part-time job.”

Snobbery Just Won’t Cut It

| London, England, UK | Top

(I am having my hair done in a salon that is just off a very busy shopping street. It is just after 4:30 in the afternoon, when a woman breezes in, carrying a lot of shopping bags.)

Client: “Hello! I have an appointment with [stylist].”

Receptionist: “Do you? I think his client is already here. Can I get your name?”

Client: “It is [name].”

Receptionist: “Ah, I see why there’s some confusion. Your appointment was for 2:00 this afternoon.”

Client: “Yes!”

Receptionist: “And it’s 4:30 now.”

Client: “Yes!”

Receptionist: “So, you’re a bit late.”

Client: “But, he knew I was going to be late!”

Receptionist: “Oh, sorry. Did you ring to let him know?”

Client: “No, but he should have known.”

Receptionist: “Sorry, how should he have known?”

Client: “He knows how beautiful I am, and there are all sorts of sales going on right now. You shouldn’t have your salon here if you don’t know that beautiful people, like me, are going to need to buy things for the summer! I mean, really!”

Receptionist: “I’m very sorry, but your appointment time has passed. Maybe you can wait? [Stylist] is with another client right now.”

(She points to me.)

Client: *suddenly very angry* “Her? But she’s so ugly! It won’t make any difference if she has her hair done. Beautiful people should have their hair done first! The ugly ones should wait!”

(She approaches my chair and tries to remove the foil for my highlights.)

Receptionist: “Madam, I’m going to have to ask you to leave right now. You can’t speak to other clients like that!”

(The woman continues trying to pull me out of the chair. She is hustled out of the salon by a group of stylists and customers, leaving all her bags behind.)

Client: *going out the door* “The ugly ones should waaaaaait!”

This Caller Is Off The Hook

| Augusta, GA, USA | Uncategorized

(Note: I have been speaking to this caller for at least a half-hour.)

Me: “Okay, now while we program your new cell phone, I need you to stay on the line on the second cell phone.”

(Suddenly, I hear the sounds of shattering glass, screeching tires and crumpling metal. I hit the emergency button on my phone system and stay on the line, as I am trained to do. Eventually, a deep male voice comes on the line.)

Me: “What is going on?”

Safety worker: “Apparently, your customer was juggling two cell phones while holding a hot coffee between her knees, and driving. Another car admits to not seeing the red-light until it was too late. They t-boned your customer. I have no idea how the h*** I am going to write up this one. Thanks for staying on the line. I am ending this call now.”

Stressing About The Blessing

| Darlington, UK | Uncategorized

(A customer sneezes.)

Me: “Bless you.”

Customer: “You wouldn’t bless me if you knew what I’ve done.”

Don’t Shoot The Troubleshooter

| Tulsa, OK, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. Can you verify the name on your account, please?”

Customer: “No, I can not. My box is not working, and I want a replacement sent to me tomorrow.”

Me: “If you need an equipment replacement, I can definitely have one sent to you. However, before I can do that, I will need to do a few troubleshooting steps with you.”

Customer: “My name is [name]! I have no picture, the box is on, and all I see is snow!”

Me: “A snowy picture usually means there is an issue with the cabling, but can also be simply the TV is on the wrong channel. Have you checked these out?”

Customer: “Do you think I’m stupid? The TV channel never changes, and the cables are still tight! Here, listen!”

(I hear a banging sound.)

Customer: “Get me a new box, now!”

(After asking a few more questions, I start the process to have a replacement sent. Out of curiosity, I ask what I was hearing
earlier.)

Customer: “I grabbed the cables behind the TV. They were all tight.”

Me: “Would you mind following the cable from the equipment to the TV, checking for frays? That could also cause the signal to not get through.”

Customer: “Fine! Whatever, but there is no problem.”

(The customer puts his phone down with a slam. I listen as he bangs around loudly, cussing the entire time about how stupid I am. After a few seconds, I hear the TV blare on, and the line disconnects.)

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