Give Me Your Tired, Your Poor, Your Canadians

| Auburn, WA, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m a Canadian citizen, but I’ve lived in the US for 12 years.)

Student: “Canadians talk funny.”

Me: “I’m actually from Canada, you know.”

Student: “But, you don’t live in the woods!”

Me: *amused* “Well, not all Canadians live in the woods, you know. They live in cities as well, just like here.”

Student: “So, did you come here to have a better life?”

Related:
Yukon See It On A Map, Part 3
Yukon Not Spend It
Yukon Not Believe This Juan
Yukon Spend It
Yukon See It On A Map, Part 2
Yukon See It On A Map

Literally Scream For Ice Cream

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Uncategorized

(Today’s featured ice cream flavor of the day was ‘Boston Pie’.)

Me: “What kind of ice cream would you like?”

Little girl: “A scoop of the Boston Massacre, please.”

Father: “Sorry. That’s what she’s studying in school right now.”

Sinfully Delicious, Part 2

| Brampton, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

(I am working as a barista at a coffee shop. Two large hot chocolates total $6.66, which my coworkers and I joke about.)

Me: “Hi. What can I get you?”

Customer: “God be with you.”

Me: “I’m sure He is, ma’am. What can I get you?”

Customer: “Well, you have those vanilla hot chocolates, yes?”

Me: “Yes. In fact, we do.”

Customer: “Oh, wonderful! My dear friend brought me one some time ago, and it was just sinfully good. I have to say it. So when I saw your shop from the road, I simply had to tell my sister to stop. And so, of course, she must have one too!”

(I recognise the religious nature of the customers.)

Me: “Would you like anything else with that at all? Uh… these cookies are dirt cheap and really good…”

Customer: “Oh, no. Mustn’t give in to gluttony, the Lord knows.”

Me: “Nothing else at all?”

Customer: “No, thank you.”

Me: “All right, then.”

(I ring them up.)

Me: “That’ll be…” *winces* “$6.66.”

Customer: *going pale* “Pardon?”

Me: *sheepishly* “Your total is $6.66, ma’am.”

(The customer is silent for several moments. She then crosses herself and dashes out.)

Me, to next customer: “What can I get you?”

Customer #2: “Tell me, do you get any extra brimstone with that deal?”

Related:
Sinfully Delicious

Quite Dim At Sums

| Lewiston, ID, USA | Uncategorized

(The customer punches in her debit number at the end of the transaction.)

Customer: “Now, which key do I press?”

(There are 3 buttons. Cancel (x, red button), back (left arrow, yellow button) and enter (carriage return, green button).)

Me: “The green one.”

Customer: “I can’t read those Chinese pictures.”

Acting Flippantly, Part 2

| Kearney, NE, USA | Uncategorized

(I am answering a call that a coworker had already taken 10 minutes prior.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “Yeah, I just called a little bit ago. Some girl told me to take out my SIM card and battery, and that would make my phone work again. My battery is fully charged but the phone won’t turn back on.”

Me: “You may need to just hold the power button a little longer. What kind of phone do you have?”

Caller: “It flips.”

Me: “Well, just press the red key button for a few seconds and it should turn right on for you.”

Caller: “There are only 3 buttons, and none are red. Do you know what you are talking about?”

Me: “Sir, please flip open the phone. You will find the red button I’m talking about.”

Caller: “So, I actually have to open it?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Caller: “Well, d*** I feel stupid. I’d like to talk to your boss for making me feel so d*** stupid!”

Related:
Acting Flippantly

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