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    More Than He Bargained For

    , | Middletown, NY, USA |

    (My father is manning tables at the local flea market. A man comes up to the table and picks out an item that’s priced at $8.)

    Customer: “Will you take $6 for this?”

    Dad: “Sure.”

    (The man finds another item, this one priced at $5.)

    Customer: “Will you take $4?”

    Dad: “Sure.”

    (After a while, the man finds another item, this time priced at $6.)

    Customer: “$5?”

    Dad: “Sure.”

    (Finally, the man gathers all of his items together and winds up for the ultimate bargaining ploy.)

    Customer: “How about $20 for all three?”

    Dad: “Sure.”

    (Dad was always an agreeable sort.)

    From Zero To Karma In 1 Second

    | Victoria, Australia |

    (I’m a driving instructor taking a student for his first drive ever. It’s a quiet suburb street, away from major traffic.)

    Me: “Okay, just pull out slowly and watch for parked cars…”

    (As my student is doing this, a frustrated driver that has been following us pulls into the lane next to us, driving the wrong way since it’s a two-lane road.)

    Angry driver: *yells out window* “Learn to f**king drive!”

    (The angry driver speeds off … and crashes right into a car heading the opposite direction. Later on, after we’ve pulled over and are waiting for the police…)

    Me, to student: “Okay, that’s an example of what NOT to do while driving.”

    If A Tree Falls In A Forest…

    | Melbourne, Australia |

    Me: “Welcome to [restaurant] how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like to book a table for three for tonight.”

    Me: “No problem, we have one available, what time would you like to come in?”

    Customer: “Around 1 am.”

    Me: “Um, sir, we close at 11 pm.”

    Customer: “But I want a table at 1 am. You should stay open and wait for us.”

    Me: “Are you joking?”

    Customer: “No, I am not joking. If you wont give me a table at, 1 am I won’t come and eat at your restaurant!”

    Me: “Well, you can come here at 1 am, but no one will be here.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m going to come down there at 1 am and knock until you open the door!”

    Me: “Okay… see you then, sir…”

    Ah, Mothers, Part 2

    , | Fort Worth, TX, USA |

    (I overhear the following conversation as I’m stocking crafts; it’s a forty-something mother and her teenage daughter.)

    Mother: “… okay, we need beads.”

    Daughter: “Just make it fast.”

    Mother: “Don’t take that attitude with me.”

    Daughter: “I don’t know why I go anywhere with you!”

    Mother: “Oh, look! Gift boxes! With Rudolph on them!”

    Daughter: “Mom, be quiet. Just shut up… please.”

    Mother: “Look! Rudolph! You see Rudolph?”

    Daughter: “Mom, shut up! Can we leave?”

    Mother: “It’s just so godd**n a** f**king cute!”

    Daughter: *rolls her eyes and stomps off*

    Related:
    Ah, Mothers
    Mom In A Thong: Wrong
    A Mother’s Love

    Brazen Overtures Like Mints On Pillows

    | Little Rock, AR, USA |

    (It was my first night on the job. A woman just checked in and complained that there was “man hair” in her bed. I could tell she was tired, so I put her in a new room and even offered to carry her luggage for her, to which she declined. Two hours later, I wrote a short note saying, “I apologize for the hair in your bed. Please enjoy a free breakfast in the morning on me and I hope you enjoy your stay.” She approached the front desk moments later.)

    Customer: “Um, excuse me. What is this?”

    Me: “Well, I felt bad about the problem with your room so I was just trying to show some extra hospitality. I figured you would get it when you woke up in the morning.”

    Customer: “No! That’s not what this is. This is sexual harassment!”

    Me: “Excuse me? I was trying to be nice and hospitable because I felt bad about your situation.”

    Customer: “Do you have any idea what it’s like to be a female traveler, and to be harassed by employees and other male travelers?”

    Co-worker: “Ma’am, this is his first night working here. I assure you that he used his best judgment, and meant nothing sexual by his nice gesture.”

    Customer: “I’m sure he’s nice, but you need to tell him how to interact with female customers. Offering to help carry luggage and putting notes under doors is sexual harassment! I will not be staying here ever again!” *leaves*

    Me: *to co-worker* “Note to self: Don’t offer to carry luggage for a woman again or offer her a free breakfast coupon.”

    Co-worker: “I think she just wanted to think you were sexually harassing her.”

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