This Caller Is Off The Hook

| Augusta, GA, USA | Uncategorized

(Note: I have been speaking to this caller for at least a half-hour.)

Me: “Okay, now while we program your new cell phone, I need you to stay on the line on the second cell phone.”

(Suddenly, I hear the sounds of shattering glass, screeching tires and crumpling metal. I hit the emergency button on my phone system and stay on the line, as I am trained to do. Eventually, a deep male voice comes on the line.)

Me: “What is going on?”

Safety worker: “Apparently, your customer was juggling two cell phones while holding a hot coffee between her knees, and driving. Another car admits to not seeing the red-light until it was too late. They t-boned your customer. I have no idea how the h*** I am going to write up this one. Thanks for staying on the line. I am ending this call now.”

Stressing About The Blessing

| Darlington, UK | Uncategorized

(A customer sneezes.)

Me: “Bless you.”

Customer: “You wouldn’t bless me if you knew what I’ve done.”

Don’t Shoot The Troubleshooter

| Tulsa, OK, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. Can you verify the name on your account, please?”

Customer: “No, I can not. My box is not working, and I want a replacement sent to me tomorrow.”

Me: “If you need an equipment replacement, I can definitely have one sent to you. However, before I can do that, I will need to do a few troubleshooting steps with you.”

Customer: “My name is [name]! I have no picture, the box is on, and all I see is snow!”

Me: “A snowy picture usually means there is an issue with the cabling, but can also be simply the TV is on the wrong channel. Have you checked these out?”

Customer: “Do you think I’m stupid? The TV channel never changes, and the cables are still tight! Here, listen!”

(I hear a banging sound.)

Customer: “Get me a new box, now!”

(After asking a few more questions, I start the process to have a replacement sent. Out of curiosity, I ask what I was hearing
earlier.)

Customer: “I grabbed the cables behind the TV. They were all tight.”

Me: “Would you mind following the cable from the equipment to the TV, checking for frays? That could also cause the signal to not get through.”

Customer: “Fine! Whatever, but there is no problem.”

(The customer puts his phone down with a slam. I listen as he bangs around loudly, cussing the entire time about how stupid I am. After a few seconds, I hear the TV blare on, and the line disconnects.)

Safe In Mind

| Fort Myers, FL, USA | Uncategorized

(All of our hotel rooms have safes. Each safe has a set of instructions on how to input your own 4-digit code.)

Me: “Front desk, how may I help you?”

Guest: “What’s my code?”

Me: “I’m sorry? Your code?”

Guest: “Yes, my 4-digit secret code?”

Me: “You make it up yourself. We aren’t allowed to know it.”

Guest: “I make it up myself? How am I supposed to know what code to use?”

Can’t Vouch(er) For His Intelligence, Part 2

| Harrisburg, PA, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer comes up to the register with nothing but a coupon.)

Customer: “Can I use this? It says $15.”

Me: “Yes, that will get you $15 off anything in the store.”

Customer: “Okay. I want to use it.”

Me: “No problem. Just go ahead and shop around for whatever you’d like, and then I’ll apply the coupon when you check out.”

Customer: “It says fifteen dollars. I can get fifteen dollars?”

Me: “This is a coupon, so the fifteen dollars will be deducted from the price of whatever you purchase.”

Customer: “Fifteen dollars?”

Me: “Yes sir, all you have to do is go pick out what you’d like.”

Customer: “I want fifteen dollars.”

Me: “I understand, but to get the fifteen dollars off, you must purchase something here.”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “Do you have an idea of what you were looking for? I can direct you to the right section.”

Customer: “Fifteen… dollars?”

Me: “Yes. Fifteen dollars.”

(The customer turns around and slowly wanders out of the store.)

Related:
Can’t Vouch(er) For His Intelligence

Page 1,792/2,738First...1,7901,7911,7921,7931,794...Last