This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Literally

| London, UK |

Me: “Hello sir. Would you like to make a donation to Children In Need?”

Customer: *in a heavy American accent* “Say what?”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, I wasn’t aware you were from out of the country. Children In Need is a charity that collects money for projects working with children in the UK. It runs an appeal about this time every year. Would you maybe like to make a donation?”

Customer: “Like f*** I would! It’s you and your poor, hobo kids that got us and the whole f***ing world into this d*** recession!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but the recession actually began when the US housing bubble burst. American banks gave out too many loans that couldn’t be repaid, and the government had to bail the banks out. That was because they traded the debt they had to banks overseas, since most were American owned companies.”

Customer: *silence*

Me: “Would you like to make a donation?”

(The customer reaches into his pocket, and drops some change into the bucket.)

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 6
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 5
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 4
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 3
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 2
This Is Why We’re In A Recession

Stone Baked Goodness

| California, USA |

(I answer a phone call from an obviously high customer.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [store]. Will this be for dine in, take out or delivery?”

Customer: “Do you guys have any specials?”

Me: “Yes, right now we have an extra large pepperoni pizza for $12.99.”

Customer: “Woah! That’s a great stoner pizza! Wait, did I say that out loud?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Customer: “Awesome!”

Cash Back, Government Style, Part 2

| Southampton, UK |

(We have a pay-point for customers who pay for their gas and electricity on a pay-as-you-go plan.)

Me: “Hi there, how can I help?”

(The customer pushes £20 note and a gas card into my hand.)

Customer: “I want £10 back.”

Me: “So you want £10 on the gas with £10 change?”

Customer: “No, I want £20 on the gas and £10 cash-back. You know, cash-back? Like from the till?

Me: “I’m afraid we only offer cash-back when you’re paying with a debit card.”

Customer: “I don’t have a debit card, can’t you do it anyway?”

Me: “No, cash-back is money taken from your debit account. Like it’s from an ATM.”

Customer: “I don’t understand.”

Me: “Well, you’re asking for £10 cash-back without paying for it from an account. You’re basically asking for me to give you free money.”

Customer: “Isn’t that how it works?”

Related:
Cash Back, Government Style

Acting Snappy

| Chicago, IL, USA |

Customer: “Do you have a 72mm lens cap?”

Me: “Yes. We do.”

Customer: “Is it a 72mm lens cap?”

Me: “Yes, it is. That is what you asked for, right?”

Customer: “Yes, but is it a 72mm lens cap?”

Me: “As I said, yes it is.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Actually no. It’s a 55mm but bring your camera in. I have a hammer and I’m sure I can make it work for you.”

Fairly Foolish Fares

| Brooklyn, NY, USA |

(It’s 4 AM and I’m driving a college-aged girl home.)

Passenger: “Can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Sure.”

Passenger: “You know the ducks in Central Park?”

Me: “Yes?”

Passenger: “Where do they go for the winter? When the lake freezes.”

Me: “I think they fly south.”

Passenger: “Really?”

Me: “To Florida, I think.”

Passenger: “That’s so weird. Are you Jewish?”

Me: “I’m Italian, actually.”

Passenger: “You sound really Jewish.”

Me: “Well, I’m from Long Island. Maybe it’s my accent.”

Passenger: “Can I ask you a personal question?”

Me: “Okay.”

Passenger: “Are people born in 1987 the lost generation?”

Me: “Um…”

(The entire cab ride was like this.)

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