October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

Should Have Pleaded The Fifth

| Maine, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

(We use a simple chalk-marking system to monitor how long cars have been parked downtown.)

Man: *seeing me make a small chalk mark on a car tire* “Hey! You can’t do that!”

Me: “I’m pretty sure I can.”

Man: “That’s illegal!”

Me: *marking the next car* “How is it illegal?”

Man: “It’s against the Fourth Amendment!”

Me: “You mean the Fourth Amendment, which protects you from unlawful searches and seizures?”

Man: “Don’t get medical with me!”

Somebody’s Not Listening

| Provo, UT, USA | Health & Body, Math & Science, Uncategorized

(I am leaving the small, medical clinic where I work in the laboratory. A couple enter the doors looking lost.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Woman: “We’re trying to find the, ‘er-ology’ clinic?”

Me: “Ah urology. That’s on the second floor so if you go up the elevator-”

Man: *interrupting* “Wait, wait! There it is right there!” (He points to a door that says ‘Ear, Nose and Throat’.)

Me: “Well, actually that’s the door for Ear, Nose–”

Man: *interrupting again* “Yeah! Ears. Like Ear-ology!”

Customers Should Stop Causing Ripples

| Athens, GA, USA | Health & Body, Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, lifeguard?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

Customer: “I think there’s a…” *whispers* “…sex toy at the bottom of the pool!”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “A you know…” *whispers again* “vibrator!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s children’s torpedo toy.”

Customer: “Not a vibrator? Oh darn. I really needed one too.”

Wifi Works Best With A Mouse

| Newark, NJ, USA | Pets & Animals, Technology, Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, I’m interested in this ‘wifi’ you’ve got. I want it in my house.”

Me: “Do you have a cable or DSL connection?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Do you have a device hooked up to a phone line or cable line that gives you internet?”

Customer: “Yes, I do. Can you bring me a wifi?”

Me: “Sure miss, we’ve got our routers all over in this area.”

Customer: “Routers? Won’t that scare the wifi away?”

Takeout The Decision Making Process

| Melbourne, Australia | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

(I’m a new waiter and I’m alone during an afternoon shift when a customer calls.)

Customer: “I’m [name]. I’d like to order my usual for takeaway.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m new. Could you tell me what you would like to order?”

Customer: “My usual.”

Me: “I don’t know what that is, sir.”

Customer: “Just tell the kitchen that it’s for [name]. They’ll know what it is.”

Me: “Okay, but just in case they don’t know, could you tell me what your usual is?”

Customer: “Oh, they’ll know, I’m a regular.”

(He hangs up. Fifteen minutes later a man turns up in the restaurant.)

Customer: “I’m [name]. I ordered my usual over the phone.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, the kitchen staff don’t know what your usual is so they weren’t able to make it.”

Customer: “But I’m a regular! They know who I am.”

Me: “They don’t. They cook whatever we tell them to cook. They never interact with the customers. If you would like to tell me what your usual is I could place your order.”

Customer: “Never mind.”

(Customer leaves. Later, I tell the manager what happened. The manager laughs and says that that particular customer always orders his usual which is whatever dish the staff member chooses for him.)

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