July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Not A Fan Of The Man With A Plan

| High Point, NC, USA | Uncategorized

(I am taking an order from a couple. I work in a high-end steakhouse.)

Me: “What can I get you?”

Customer: “I’ll have the ribeye. Medium-rare. Bring the steak sauce out BEFORE my steak. I don’t like to wait on someone to bring it.”

Me: “Okay. What side item would you like?”

Customer: “I’d like the apples. I want them HOT, because I want to melt butter on them. Butter YOU will bring me.”

Me: “Sir, our apples are served hot.”

Customer: “Not every time! Don’t mess with my system!”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “And a cup of the french onion soup. That’s all.”

Customer’s wife: “Jeez, honey. You want her to dice your onions for you soup, too?”

Customer: “You just don’t get my system!”

Pleased To Make Your Transmittance

| Austria | Uncategorized

Customer #1: “Oh, look! They’ve got cape gooseberries! I’ve got to get one!”

Customer #2: “Cape gooseberries? What are those?”

Me: “They’re the round orange fruits in a husk. They’re also called Physalis–”

Customer #2: “Oh! Syphilis! Yes, I know those!”

Either Way, He’s Talking About Nuts

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: *with a thick accent* “Excuse me, sir?”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Which aisle is the penis butter in?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “The penis butter.”

Me: *blank stare*

Customer: “Penis butter! You know, penis butter! Penis butter, penis butter!”

Me: “Oh, peanut butter!”

Customer: “Yes, pea-nut butter.”

Me: “Sorry about that. It’s in aisle 5.”

Customer: “Okay. Thank you, sir!”

Stereotypes Are All The Same Anyway

| El Paso, TX, USA | Top

(I’m a customer and am looking at dining tables. I’m an obvious Muslim as I wear a hijab. Another customer sees me with my son in a stroller and walks over.)

Another customer: “I thought you people couldn’t use electronics?”

Me: “That’s the Amish. And a stroller isn’t electronic.”

Another customer: “Oh…” *walks off*

The Lion, The Witch, And The Toilet

| Arizona, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Front desk, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Where is the bathroom!?”

Me: “Are you referring to the lobby bathroom? That’s just down the hall from your room on the right side, towards the lobby.”

Customer: “No! I mean the bathroom in my room! It doesn’t have one!”

Me: “I can assure you it does, sir. Have you tried opening the door that you didn’t enter your room through?”

Customer: “Oh sh**! I thought that lead to another room.” *click*

Related:
The Lion, The Witch, And The Supply Cabinet

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