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    Nautical Always Right

    | Atlanta, GA, USA |

    Me: *on the phone* “Thank you for calling ****, this is ****, how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Where are you located?”

    Me: “We’re on **** Road, in the **** Shopping Center.”

    Caller: “Oh…I’m in Alpharetta. How far away is that?”

    Me: “Uh…a long way. There are probably several of our other stores closer to you.”

    Caller: “No, it has to be your store. How far away?”

    Me: “Probably about a 45-minute drive. Maybe longer if there’s traffic.”

    Caller: “How do I get there?”

    Me: “Well, you’d have to take 400 down to 285, and–”

    Caller: “Wait, wait, that’s not gonna be useful to me. Where’s the nearest river crossing?”

    Me: “…river crossing?”

    Caller: “Yeah. I’m taking a boat.”

    Me: “…you’re taking a boat from Alpharetta?”

    Caller: “Yes. You’re intentionally being difficult.”

    Me: “The nearest river crossing is about ten miles from here.”

    Caller: “Oh…can you come pick me up from there?”

    Me: “No.”

    Caller: “Fine. I’ll go to another store!”

    The Princess Is A Royal Pain

    | Utah, USA |

    (A woman came up to my counter in the clothing store I work in. She has a very distressed look on her face.)

    Me: “How can I help you this morning?”

    Customer: “What is this red sticker on the tag of this dress?”

    Me: “That is a clearance sticker. That dress is 40% off.”

    Customer: “But I was here yesterday and it wasn’t on clearance! I’ve been eying that dress for weeks!”

    Me: “Well, today is your lucky day – it went on clearance this morning.”

    Customer: “I can’t buy it on clearance. Can you take that red sticker off the tag?”

    Me: “Are you going to buy this dress?”

    Customer: “I’m going to buy it once you take off that red tag. I don’t want to pay the clearance price.”

    Me: “Even if I remove the sticker the register will still ring it up at clearance price.”

    Customer: “Do I look like I’m the type to buy a dress on clearance?” *holds the dress up dramatically*

    Me: “Are you planning on buying this dress?”

    Customer: “Are you planning on taking off that red sticker?”

    Me: “Not until you pay for it.”

    Customer: “You don’t understand my world.”

    (She left the dress on the counter and walked out of the store.)

    An Insurance Company’s Nightmare

    | California, USA |

    (A customer came in looking for an item to prop up books and papers, making them easier to read without having to use your hands.)

    Me: “You’re looking for a copy holder. We have several different types, and they’re right over here.”

    Customer: *looks over selection* “These won’t work. I need one that will attach to my steering wheel in my car.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t carry anything like that. These are just meant to go on your desk next to your computer.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you don’t carry that. Why don’t you sell a book holder for a steering wheel?”

    Me: “Maybe because we don’t want you to read while you’re driving?”

    Meet Satan Clause, Santa’s Maladjusted Brother

    | Michigan, USA |

    (A customer walked in about 30 minutes before we closed on Christmas Eve. We were closing early due to the holiday. Every customer that night was buying last minute gifts.)

    Me: “Hello, what can I help you find?”

    Customer: “A converter Box.”

    Me: “Sure, let me show you what we have.”

    Customer: “What’s this $40 off crap?”

    Me: “If you go to DTV.gov, you can get a coupon for $40 off.”

    Customer: “Oh, it’s some mail in rebate scam. Nevermind…”

    Me: “Ok, shall I ring this up for you?”

    Customer: “You seem to be in a bit of a hurry, what’s the rush?”

    Me: “It’s Christmas Eve, and we close in 15 minutes. I want to get the store ready to close so I can leave as soon as possible.”

    Customer: “You’re closing early for what?”

    Me: “Christmas Eve.”

    Customer: “Wow, they give you guys time off for anything these days!”

    Me: *facepalm*

    Manager: *facepalm

    Another customer: *bursts out laughing*

    Customer: “What!? Ugh, fine! I’ll take the box!”

    Cultural Diversity Is A-Dora-ble

    | Ontario, Canada |

    (A customer wearing very affluent clothing walks over holding a “Dora the Explorer” plush doll.)

    Customer: “Hello, can you help me?”

    Me: “Certainly, what I can I do for you?”

    Customer: “I’m looking one of these, but in white.”

    Me: “Oh, you mean like this?” *shows the customer a similar plush toy but wearing a white dress*

    Customer: “NO! NO! One that is WHITE!”

    Me: *puzzled* “I’m sorry, but this is the only other one we have in stock…did you see it on our website? Was it another style of clothing?”

    Customer: “NO! WHITE, LIKE ME!” *points at her face*

    Me: “You mean…a Caucasian Dora?”

    Customer: “YES! Where do you have them?”

    Me: “Ma’am, Dora was designed to help people from different backgrounds come to understand their common ground; Dora therefore doesn’t come in a different skin tone. She is what she is.”

    Customer: “WHAT? That is RIDICULOUS! Give me a WHITE DORA!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry ma’am, but they simply don’t exist…”

    Customer: “Fine! I’ll take my business elsewhere!” *storms out*

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