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    Living On The Edge, Part 2

    , , | Philadelphia, PA, USA |

    Me: “Thanks for your purchase. Would you please sign anywhere on the receipt?”

    Customer:¬†”Anywhere?”

    Me: “Anywhere.”

    Customer: “But there’s no line!”

    Me: “That’s right–the printer doesn’t draw a line for this type of receipt, so just sign anywhere on the receipt.”

    Customer: “Anywhere?”

    Me: “Anywhere.”

    Customer: “But there’s no LINE!”

    Me: *facepalm*

    Related:
    Living On The Edge

    And We Wonder Who Clicks On Spam…

    , | Santa Ana, CA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [bank], how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hello, I seem to have a problem with my online banking.”

    Me: “Okay, I’d be happy to help…”

    (I identify her and find nothing wrong with her accounts, flags or overdrafts.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m not seeing anything wrong on our end. Can you describe what the problem is?”

    Customer: “I don’t know what the problem is. I just got a message from you that said ‘Contact Us’.”

    Me: “Okay, can you read me the message you received?”

    Customer: “It says ‘Contact Us’.”

    Me: “That’s all, contact us and that’s it? No explanation?”

    Customer: “That’s all! It just says ‘Contact Us’ in blue letters right above my messages.”

    Me: “Wait, above your messages? You mean the link?”

    Customer: “The what?”

    Me: “Ma’am, the blue message to contact us is a hyperlink to a blank letter. It wasn’t telling you to contact us; the link is always there for feedback, like a suggestion box.”

    Customer: “Oh… well, can I please speak with your supervisor! I cannot be the only one who thought this!”

    (I transfer her over and proceed to bang my head against my keyboard.)

    How About A Coupon For A Free Psych Evaluation

    | Montana, USA |

    Me: “Ma’am, with this order, you received a free coupon for Cover Girl Cosmetics.”

    Customer: “What, do you think I need it?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Customer: “That’s very rude, telling someone they need makeup!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m not suggesting you need makeup.¬†I’m just offering it to you because the computer printed it out.”

    Customer: “Oh, what, now the computer thinks I need makeup?”

    Me: “No, ma’am… it prints out coupons for random items.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t need it any coupons from you, so there!” *storms off*

    Me: *rubbing my temples* “Have a good day, ma’am.”

    Coffee Shop Customer Found Poked To Death

    | Raleigh, NC, USA |

    Customer: “Is the lemon pound cake fresh? Like, is it soft?”

    Me: “All of our pastries are fresh, sir. Would you like a sample, to see if you like it?”

    Customer: “Just let me feel it.”

    (I put the slice of cake on a plate and watch resignedly as he pokes the cake full of holes.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I guess that’s soft enough.”

    Me: “Alright…” ¬†

    (I pick up the slice of cake with tongs and move to put it in a pastry bag.)

    Customer: “Not THAT one!¬†It’s got holes all in it!”

    Because 8 Bajillion Signs Are Always The Answer

    | Tampa, FL, USA |

    (A lady calls our travel office regarding a certain theme park in central Florida.)

    Caller: “Do you allow sex offenders into your theme parks?”

    Me: “Well, as hundreds of thousands of people enter our parks each day, we’re not able to ID each person and check their criminal history.”

    Caller: “So you encourage sex offenders to come to a place filled with little children?”

    Me: “No…”

    Caller: “Do you have signs saying ‘No Sex Offenders’?”

    Me: “Um, no. But as part of a sex offender’s parole or probation, they’re not allowed within a certain number of feet of children, so that would be law enforcement’s responsibility.”

    Caller: “I’m appalled that you encourage sex offenders to come to your park. I’m going elsewhere!”


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