July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Inexcretable Behavior

| UK | Rude & Risque

Receptionist: “Hello, [hotel]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I need to know if I’m still barred.”

Receptionist: “I can check that for you. Can I take your name, please?”

Caller: *gives name*

Receptionist: “Okay, I’ll just check for you. Out of interest, can I ask why you were barred?”

Caller: “Aye. I took a sh** in a pint glass.”

Receptionist: “Yeah, I’d say you’re still barred.”

Go Ahead, Make (Up) My Day

| CA, USA | Liars & Scammers, Top, Underaged

Me: “Can I see your ID, please?”

Boy: *hands over ID*

(I glance at the year. It says 1987, so he’s either 23 or 24. I’m about to allow him in when I do a double-take at the date.)

Me: “Sir, how old are you?”

Boy: “24.”

Me: “What’s your birth date?”

Boy: *gets restless* “Can’t I go in yet? You saw my ID.”

Me: “Sorry, it’s a fake ID. If you’re really 24, show me a real ID.”

Boy: “How’s it fake?”

(I hold up the ID and point to the birth date.)

Boy: “Oh, s***. I paid good money for that. I can’t believe that moron put February 30!”

The Worst Job You Never Had

| Australia | Top

(I’m a customer at a supermarket, but I’m still wearing my work uniform since I’m buying things for my job. My clothing doesn’t look anything like the uniform that the supermarket employees wear. Another customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Love, can you show me where the ice is?”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am. I’m not sure where the ice is. It’s probably down at the freezer section.”

Customer: “Can you take me down there?”

Me: “Sorry, I have to buy this and get back to work. The freezer section is just over there. ”

Customer: “Well, you’re not being very helpful. I’m going to tell your boss about this.”

(She runs off to find a manager. It takes me awhile to realise that she thinks I work here.)

Customer: “There she is! The rude one!”

(The manager looks at me and immediately realizes what has happened.)

Customer: “You should fire her for being so rude to me!”

(The manager shakes his head and beckons me over.)

Manager, to me: *whispers* “Just go with it.”

(I nod and he begins to ‘fire’ me in front of the customer, who looks satisfied. Eventually, someone who does work there gets her her ice and she leaves.)

Manager, to me: “Sorry about that. She does this every time she comes in.”

Impractical Jokes

, | Muskegon, MI, USA | Top

Me: “911, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes?! Hello! I live at [location]. My husband was stabbed by a madman! Oh, god! He’s outside my bedroom door! He’s knocking on it!”

Me: “Alright, ma’am, a police–”

Caller: “What?!”

(Suddenly, there is a lot of talking and a bit of laughing.)

Caller, to someone else: “You ****! You scared the **** out of me! A prank?! I called the **** police! I could have gone to jail!”

Caller, to me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. It’s a false alarm.”

Me: “Um, alright.”

Caller: “Actually, send over a cop car. I’m about to murder two men.”

Where There’s Smoke

| Wales, UK | Uncategorized

(I work at a fire alarm service company. I take a call from an exclusive boarding school.)

Caller: “Your stupid fire system is going off again! It’s always doing this. We’re having an open day for parents, and this is going to ruin our reputation!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. Have you checked that there isn’t a fire?”

Caller: “It’s always false alarms. Just tell me how to turn it off.”

(I explain how to stop the alarm from sounding. However, it will only work if the detectors are no longer detecting a fire.)

Caller: “It hasn’t worked. It’s still saying that there is a fire in the dormitory!”

Me: “Have you checked the dormitory for fire?”

Caller: “Stay on the line. I’ll check.”

(The line goes silent for ten minutes, but I can hear background noise.)

Caller: “The dormitory is on fire.” *click*

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