Discounted Intelligence

| North Bay, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Math & Science, Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “I’m fine, and you?”

Me: “Also fine, thanks for asking! Just to let you know everything in the store today is 40% off.”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Me: “I….I don’t know how else to explain that to you.”

Totally, Like, Aguamenti

| Lawrenceville, NJ, USA | Books & Reading, Uncategorized

Customer: “I’d like to get a new copy of this book.”

(The customer puts a very wet Harry Potter book on the desk.)

Customer: “It got wrecked and I really want to finish it.”

Me: “No problem. How did you ruin it?”

Customer: “It was very good…”

*pause*

Me: “…and?”

Customer: *slightly sheepish* “I was reading it in the shower.”

Related:
Totally, Like, Excruciatus

Let Me Just Go Check In The Back-terium

| Rockland, MN, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science, Uncategorized

Customer: “Your Stilton doesn’t have enough blue cheese in it!”

Me: “I’m sorry. We should be getting some more in tomorrow if you’d like to come back.”

Customer: “Can’t you just go in the back and put more penicillin in it or whatever?”

Fritzl Be One Of Those Days

, | Morgantown, WV, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Uncategorized

Me: “Hello sir, welcome to [fast food]. What would you like today?”

Customer: *stares wide-eyed for a few moments* “Well, aren’t you the most adorable creature I have ever seen!”

Me: “Thank you, sir. Can I interest you in our special today?”

Customer: “I could just steal you and take you home in my wallet to live in my basement! My wife doesn’t like the basement, but it can be quite homey!”

Me: “That’s nice, sir.”

Customer: “Hurry! Into my wallet before anyone else decides to steal you!”

Bad Jokes Are Music To Their Ears

| Mountain View, CA, USA | Musical Mayhem, Uncategorized

Customer: “Hey, do you guys carry any mandolins?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry.”

Customer: “How about…” *dramatic pause*Wo-mandolins?”

Me: “No.”

(The customer leaves with a grin on his face.)

Next customer: “Really?”

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