Pray It’s To Put The Brain Back In

| Tampa Bay, FL, USA | Uncategorized

(We only have access to credit cards in the credit card department. The credit union is closed.)

Caller: “I need to pay my auto loan.”

Me: “I’m sorry, you have reached the credit card department. I would be more than happy to provide you the number for the branch. They can help you tomorrow morning with your loan payment.”

Caller: “I’m having surgery tomorrow. Take my payment.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear you’re having surgery. You can speak to the branch when you get out to make a payment to your auto loan.”

Caller: “I’m donating a kidney to my mother. I can’t call for three weeks.”

(I had a friend donate a kidney. They were not walking around well for two to three weeks, but they could talk the same day.)

Me: “Well, I have good new for you, sir. You should be able to talk in a day or two after surgery so you can speak to the branch.”

Caller: “Well, I’m having brain surgery. I won’t be able to talk for 3 weeks.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Caller: “Have the branch call me back.”

Me: “I’m sorry…I thought you just said you would not be able to speak for 3 weeks. I’m unsure how the branch calling you would be different than you calling them.”

Caller: “I can nod at the phone and let them know it’s me, and pass the phone to my mother…”

Barking Outside The Box

| AZ, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [cable company]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Cable box jump dog!”

Me: “Wait. Did you just say ‘cable box jump dog’?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “I…I don’t even know what that means.”

Customer: “Me neither!”

This Won’t Pan Out Well

| Columbus, OH, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer comes in right before closing time to pick up his pizzas.)

Customer: “I have a bit of an issue.”

Me: “What’s your issue?”

Customer: “We won’t be eating these pizzas for a couple of hours.”

Me: “Well, you can always reheat them in the oven.”

Customer: “I won’t be near an oven.”

Me: “Well, a microwave is not the preferred method, but it will work.”

Customer: “No, we’re going to be tailgating.”

Me: “I don’t know what to tell you dude.”

Customer: “Crap. I thought you would have some sort of magical way to reheat them.”

When A Computer Is Not A Computer

| North Miami, FL, USA | Top

Me: “Thank you for calling [electronics store]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I came into the store a few hours ago and bought a computer, but I think something is wrong with it.”

Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Caller: “Well, it seems to turn on. The little light goes on and everything, but nothing comes up except ‘no signal’.”

Me: “Is this a desktop computer, or a notebook?”

Caller: “It’s one of the big screen ones. Not a laptop.”

Me: “Alright, it’s a desktop. Are you positive you followed all the directions in the manual and connected everything properly?”

Caller: “Huh? Why would I need to use the manual? It was pretty simple.”

Me: “Well, just to be sure, could you please check the manual and make sure everything is plugged in properly?”

Caller: “Well, there is one cord sitting there but I figured that it was the internet cable. We don’t have internet yet.”

Me: “Is the cord coming out of the monitor or the tower?”

Caller: “It’s not plugged into anything. The only thing I have plugged in is the computer into the wall.”

Me: “What about the monitor?”

Caller: “The what?”

Me: “The monitor, as in, the screen.”

Caller: “Right, the computer. Like I said, it’s plugged into the wall.”

Me: “Sir, let me get this straight. You have the screen plugged into the wall and nothing else?

Caller: “Right.”

Me: “And you didn’t buy anything else, right?”

Caller: “Right.”

Me: “Sir, you just bought the monitor. That isn’t the computer. That’s just the screen.”

Caller: “What are you talking about? Of course this is the computer! I’ve seen a whole bunch of computers before and they look just like this!”

Me: “Did all those computer have a big piece of machinery sitting near them?”

Caller: “Yeah, I guess. Why?

Me: “That would be the computer.”

Caller: “You’re joking, right?”

Me: “Nope. Sorry, sir.”

Caller: “Well d***. How much more does the rest cost?”

Me: “It depends how powerful you want it to be. You could get a low-end computer for about $300 to $400.”

Caller: “But, I already spent $150 on this thing!”

Me: “Sorry, sir. But if you want a computer you’ll, uh, need to buy the computer.”

Caller: “To h*** with all this! I’m not spending that kind of money! I’m never buying a computer again!”

Me: “Well, sir. You didn’t buy one in the first place.”

Caller: *click*

The Pen Is Mighter Than The Brain, Part 2

| Saskatoon, SK, Canada | Uncategorized

(My work has touch screens for credit and debit transactions.)

Customer: “Your screen has lines all over it. It’s really hard to read.”

Me: “Oh, yeah. Sorry. It still works fine, but the screens always seem to do that.”

(The customer uses her finger to enter her pin number. We have pens attached to each machine for customers to enter pins and sign for credit cards.)

Me: “Actually, could you use the pen? It makes it easier to use.”

Customer: “No thanks. This is okay.”

Me: “That’s actually the reason the machine’s screen has lines.”

Related:
The Pen Is Mightier Than The Brain

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