Gonna Be Hard To Go Back To Memphis

| Florida, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “…and what state are you from?”

Caller: “Memphis.”

Me: “So, the state of Tennessee?”

Caller: “No, I’m not from Tennessee! I’m from Memphis!”

Me: “Sir, Memphis is in the state of Tennessee.”

Caller: “It shouldn’t be!”

Mind Your Manners, Mommy

| London, UK | Top

(The restaurant I work in offers discount vouchers when customers subscribe in the website. In this case, the voucher was 2 courses for 10. After receiving her bill, a lady comes to me and starts arguing.)

Customer: “Why is my discount £3 when the voucher is for £10?”

Me: “Ma’am, the voucher does not give you £10 off your bill. It gives you the two courses for £10.”

Customer: “No, no! The voucher says £10!”

(After explaining the promotion for nearly 10 minutes, the manager joins in to help. Finally, the customer’s friend realizes the point of the promo and explains it.)

Customer: “Oh! I see now.”

Customer’s 8 year-old son: “Mooooom, it’s time for someone to apologiiiize!”

Not A Fan Of The Man With A Plan

| High Point, NC, USA | Uncategorized

(I am taking an order from a couple. I work in a high-end steakhouse.)

Me: “What can I get you?”

Customer: “I’ll have the ribeye. Medium-rare. Bring the steak sauce out BEFORE my steak. I don’t like to wait on someone to bring it.”

Me: “Okay. What side item would you like?”

Customer: “I’d like the apples. I want them HOT, because I want to melt butter on them. Butter YOU will bring me.”

Me: “Sir, our apples are served hot.”

Customer: “Not every time! Don’t mess with my system!”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “And a cup of the french onion soup. That’s all.”

Customer’s wife: “Jeez, honey. You want her to dice your onions for you soup, too?”

Customer: “You just don’t get my system!”

Pleased To Make Your Transmittance

| Austria | Uncategorized

Customer #1: “Oh, look! They’ve got cape gooseberries! I’ve got to get one!”

Customer #2: “Cape gooseberries? What are those?”

Me: “They’re the round orange fruits in a husk. They’re also called Physalis–”

Customer #2: “Oh! Syphilis! Yes, I know those!”

Either Way, He’s Talking About Nuts

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

Customer: *with a thick accent* “Excuse me, sir?”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Which aisle is the penis butter in?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “The penis butter.”

Me: *blank stare*

Customer: “Penis butter! You know, penis butter! Penis butter, penis butter!”

Me: “Oh, peanut butter!”

Customer: “Yes, pea-nut butter.”

Me: “Sorry about that. It’s in aisle 5.”

Customer: “Okay. Thank you, sir!”

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