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    The Ministry Of Silly Walks

    | Pittsburg, CA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Top

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you know where the underwear are stocked?”

    (I am a fellow customer. I have no name badge, no uniform, and I have my purse hanging from my shoulder.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t work here.”

    Customer: “Oh, I thought you did. You walk like an employee.”

    Me: “I walk…like an employee?”

    Customer: “Yes, you should walk differently so people don’t confuse you.”

    Me: “Like this?”

    (I walk briskly for a few steps.)

    Customer: “No, no, that’s why I stopped you.”

    Me: “How about this?”

    (I walk a little slower, stopping to look at merchandise and to examine them.)

    Customer: “No, you look like you’re shelving.”

    Me: “What about like this?”

    (I shuffle along slowly, staring vacantly at my shoes.)

    Customer: “No, you look like my son when he works. Oh dear, I guess you just can’t walk like a regular customer. You should take classes.”

    (She walks way and I look five feet to my left, where an actual employee is staring, open mouthed at the scene.)

    Employee: “I wonder who would teach those classes?”

    A Little Cuckoo

    | Folsom, CA, USA | Holidays, Pets & Animals

    (It is the Christmas season and we sell clothing for dogs and cats. An old lady comes in and finds me standing near the birdcages.)

    Me: “Hello, ma’am! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Do you have Santa hats?”

    Me: “Why yes, they’re right here.”

    Customer: *looks them over* “No, these are much too big.”

    Me: “What size of pet are you looking to buy a hat for?”

    Customer: “Small.”

    Me: “A Chihuahua?”

    Customer: “Smaller!”

    Me: “A teacup Yorkie?”

    Customer: “My Cockatoo!”

    Me: “Your…Cockatoo?”

    Customer: “Yes! I need to buy 10 Santa hats. One for each of my beloveds. Do you have any that small?”

    Me: “I don’t believe so.”

    Customer: “What do you mean?! This is a pet store! Why don’t you have any Santa hats for my babies?!”

    Me: *walking toward front door* “Well, ma’am, if you walk about 10 feet to your left, you’ll find [craft store] and I’m sure they’ll have all your Santa hat needs.”

    Customer: “Thank you! This is what good customer service is all about!”

    (She leaves. About an hour later, we receive an angry call.)

    Customer: *enraged* “Why didn’t she tell me it was a craft store and I had to make my own? Who the h*** wants to make their own Santa hats?!”

    Navy Seal’s Fate is Sealed

    | Toulon, France | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Military, Top

    (The restaurant is near a Navy base and thus, sometimes, sailors and officers off-duty come to eat. A man and his girlfriend come in. They haven’t reserved a table, were rude and snotty with my co-workers, complained a lot about the food and talked loudly and sometimes mocked the other customers. My manager decides that enough is enough when the man lit a cigarette after requesting his bill.)

    Manager: “Sir, you can’t smoke here.”

    Customer: “Yes I can.”

    Manager: “Sir, you’re in a smoke-free zone. Either go away or put out this cigarette.”

    (The customer gets up. He’s clearly taller and larger than the manager and glances at him.)

    Customer: “Buddy, listen. I’m a Navy’s lieutenant, so I’m not going to take crap from civvies. Just shut up and let me smoke.”

    (At this point, I decide to call the police when I notice another customer with his family getting up and going straight to the troublemaker.)

    Customer #2: “Did I hear you’re in the Navy?”

    Customer: “Yeah, so?”

    Customer #2: “You work at the base here?”

    Customer: “What? Get the f*** out, you d*** civvie!”

    Customer #2: “You know [name]?”

    Customer: “Who the f*** are you and what the f*** do you want?”

    Customer #2: “Do you know [name]?”

    Customer: “[name] is my superior!”

    Customer #2: “Well, I’m HIS superior, and as soon as I’m out of here, I’ll make sure he lights your a** up.”

    (The second customer pulls out a military ID and shows it to him. The troublemaking customer goes white, apologizes profusely to the manager and the customer, pays his bill and storms off with his girl WHILE SOBBING. Turns out the man showed him his military ID, and he’s a Navy’s rear-admiral. Needless to say, we gave a huge discount to the officer.)

    Inventors Should Get Out Of Their Shell

    | Mobile, AL, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

    Coworker: *on phone* "For a turtle? No ma’am, we only have those for cats and dogs. … I’ve never heard of that before, but if they exist, we don’t carry them. … I’m sorry, I’m a cashier and I’m not allowed to make those kinds of decisions. … Okay, you’re welcome."

    *hangs up phone*

    Me: "Did she want a pet carrier for a turtle?"

    Coworker: "Yeah, and when I told her that we don’t have them, she asked if we would carry them if she invented one."

    Directionless Call, Part 2

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Funny Names

    Me: "Hello, this is [Company Name]."

    Caller: "Hi, who just called me?"

    Me: "I’m not sure. You’ve reached general reception."

    Caller: "Well, someone just called me from this number."

    Me: "Sorry, but there’s no way for me to tell who called you, as this is the general number."

    Customer: "What are you?"

    (I explain the company.)

    Customer: "I didn’t understand anything about what you just said. Why did you call me?"

    Me: "It could be a wrong number."

    Customer: "Ugh, fine. Stop wasting my time by calling me if you don’t know who you are, please!"

    Related:
    Directionless Call

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