• Done With You
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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    A Heated Topic

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | Food & Drink, Math & Science, Top

    (Note: a lunch party is sitting outside on our deck, which overlooks the waterfront.)

    Me: “How is everything, folks?”

    Customer: “Oh, the food’s great! It’s just a bit chilly out here.”

    Me: “If you’d like, I can move you to a table inside, where it’s warmer.”

    Customer: “Actually, could you just turn up the heat?”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “The heat? Could you turn it up out here?”

    Me: “There is no heating system.”

    Customer: “Then, what’s that?” *points to railing around the deck*

    Me: “That’s the railing.”

    Customer: “No it’s not, it’s a heater! It’s warm!” *touches railing as to show me how warm it is*

    Me: “It’s warm because its been sitting in the sun.”

    Customer: “Don’t try to trick me! I’m a scientist, and I know that heaters make things warm!”

    Hollywood, M.D.

    | Vancouver Island, BC, Canada | Health & Body, Math & Science, Movies & TV, Uncategorized

    (A customer comes to the counter with a bleeding hand.)

    Customer: “Have you got a first aid kit back there? I caught my hand and it’s bleeding.”

    Me: “Of course. I’ll go get it.”

    (I come back with the kit and take out some antibiotic ointment and some bandages.)

    Customer: “Oh, I shouldn’t need the bandages.”

    Me: “Are you sure? It’s bleeding quite a lot.”

    Customer: “Well, that ointment will just fix it, won’t it?”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “That stuff you’ve got in your hand, that’ll just heal it up right?”

    Me: “This helps it heal faster and prevents it from getting infected, but it doesn’t heal it immediately.”

    Customer: “Don’t you have the stuff that just fixes it right away?”

    Me: “I don’t believe they have anything that does that, ma’am.”

    Customer: “They do, I saw it before!”

    Me: “Where did you see it?”

    Customer: “I saw it on some movie. I don’t want that stuff there. I want the stuff I saw in the movie. Just get that stuff and fix this already, will you?”

    Decayed, Decades, Same Difference

    | Cleveland, OH, US | At The Checkout, Money, Top

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return this pot, please.”

    (The pot in question is in a box with our store logo on it, but the box looks older than me.)

    Me: “Okay. Do you have a receipt?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    (The customer hands me a wrinkled, yellow receipt from the eighties.)

    Me: “Ma’am, why do want to return this pot?”

    Customer: “The lid gets too hot.”

    Me: “So, you have used it, then?”

    Customer: “Of course! I use it all the time. But the lid gets too hot, so I want to return it.”

    Me: “Well, our return policy is limited to sixty days. You bought this twenty-three years ago.”

    Customer: “But I have a receipt!”

    Online Store, Meet Offline Brain

    | Knoxville, TN, USA | Extra Stupid, Uncategorized

    (The customer is requesting that I order her some clothing that our store currently does not have in stock to be delivered to her home address.)

    Me: “…and what is your home address?”

    Customer: “Why do you need that?”

    Me: “So that the clothes can be delivered to the correct address.”

    Customer: “How do the clothes get to me from the computer?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I don’t quite understand what you are asking.”

    Customer: “I mean, all you have told the computer is my information. How do the clothes get from the computer to me?”

    Me: “Well, the information goes to our warehouse and they will send the clothes to your address from there.”

    Customer: “So the clothes don’t come from the computer?”

    Me: “You mean directly from this computer?”

    Customer: “Yes, of course. How do I get the clothes from the computer?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, it doesn’t work like that. We can’t store merchandise in our computers.”

    Customer: “Well, your systems are too outdated! I will just go buy them from my home computer so I don’t have to wait for the warehouse to send me my order in the mail!”

    A Hot Slice Of Obvious

    | Pocomoke, MD, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

    Me: “Thank you for calling [pizza place], how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi, can I have a half pepperoni, half sausage?”

    Me: “Okay, will that be all?”

    Customer: “Could you make sure that both halves are on the same pizza?”

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