A-moooo-sing Customers

| Cleveland, OH, USA | Top

(I am on a school trip to a mall to help with pet adoption forms. A customer comes up.)

Customer: “Gimme a f***ing dog!”

Me: “Would you like an adoption form?”

Customer: “I don’t care. I just want a dog! There’s one over there! Gimme it!”

(I look to where he is pointing. A lady is walking a dog.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but that dog doesn’t belong to us.”

Customer: “It’s because I’m [ethnicity that he clearly is not], isn’t it? ”

(At this point, I realize that he is high.)

Me: “Oh, that one is ours. Unfortunately, it is an evil space cow.”

Customer: “Holy s***!” *runs off*

We Call This Pixel Pandora

| Boston, MA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, I would like two tickets to Avatar.”

Me: “Okay, your total comes to $**.**.”

Customer: “What? That is crazy! Why does it cost that much?”

Me: “3D movies cost more.”

Customer: “In that case, can I just buy one D? How much is that?”

It’s Never Too Late To Say You’re Sorry

| Torino, Italy | Top

(I work at the main train station information desk. An angry customer storms up to me after trying to get a ticket out of the automatic machines.)

Customer: “Your g**d*** machines are broken, as usual!

Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “I wanted a ticket for the 9:15 train to [city] and your stupid machine won’t sell it to me! It’s broken, as usual!”

Me: “Uh, sir–”

Customer: “You guys are so useless! This is hopeless! Every time I come here, there’s a problem! You’re all a bunch of stupid f****!”

Me: “Well, sir–”

Customer: “All I want is a ticket for the 9:15 train! I get it every f***ing day, and there is always a problem!”

Me: “What I’m trying to say it that–”

Customer: “Oh, don’t you even try! Don’t you even try giving me that s***! Now, you’re going to tell me you don’t sell tickets. You don’t have control over the machines and everything, huh? You’re just a stupid information desk! Well, you know what? I’m not queuing up to the f***ing ticket office because you’re a g**d*** idiot!”

Me: “If you just–”

Customer: “You’re going to say you’re right, aren’t you?”

(This goes ahead for a good five minutes. In the end, I just stare at him while he rants about how terribly stupid I am and how horrible the service is. I just keep silent and stare at him until he’s finished.)

Customer: “So, are you going to give me that ticket or not?”

Me: “Sir, it’s five past ten.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “It’s five past ten. That’s why the machine won’t sell you a ticket for the 9:15 train–that train is gone almost an hour ago.”

Customer: “What the h*** are you talking about?”

Me: “Sir, last night we switched back from daylight savings time. It means the clock went one hour ahead. It is not five past nine right now, but five past ten. That’s why you can’t buy a ticket for the 9:15 train to [city]. However, if you hurry up, you’ll manage the 10:15 one.”

(The customer looks at me in disbelief, then looks at the time on the main train timetable, then at his own watch, and eventually back at me.)

Customer: “Yeah…uh…I think I’ll try and catch that 10:15 one, then. Thanks…uh…and sorry.”

Turn Left At Berlin And Just Keep Going

| Johannesburg, South Africa | Uncategorized

(The phone rings in reception and I answer. Note that we’re a hotel in South Africa.)

Caller: “Please give directions to your hotel.”

Me: “Certainly, sir. From which direction will you be coming?”

Caller: “Germany.”

Invasion Of The HTML Body Snatchers

| Texas, USA | Uncategorized

(I am in my office when a user comes running to my door.)

User: “Help! Help! Help!”

Me: “What’s wrong?”

User: “Yahoo took over my Firefox!”

Me: “Wait. What? Yahoo did what?”

User: “Yahoo. It took over my Firefox! Come look!”

(We go to her desk and I sit down and launch her Firefox browser.)

User: “See! No more Firefox! It’s Yahoo.”

Me: “You still have Firefox. You just accidentally made Yahoo your homepage.”

User: “Please, just fix it!”

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