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    A Fine Line Between Smarta** and Dumba**

    , | Ontario, Canada | Top

    (I work at a popular fast food restaurant. Drive-through customers should be aware that we can hear every word they say.)

    Coworker: “Hi, welcome to ***. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I just need a minute to decide.”

    Coworker: “No problem, just let me know when you are ready.”

    (The customer talks to his passengers, while we listen…)

    Customer, to his passengers: “I should ask for something dumb on my ice cream, just to see what they say. How about pickles? They would probably just ignore me. Oh, I know… tomatoes!”

    Customer, to my coworker: “Okay, I’m ready.”

    Coworker: “Alright, go ahead…”

    Customer: “I’d like an ice cream sundae with tomatoes on it, please.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, due to the recent recall in the States, we aren’t serving tomatoes right now. Can I offer you a sundae with pickles instead?”

    Customer: *drives off without ordering anything*

    Altruism, How I Miss Thee

    | New Zealand |

    Library patron: “I’ve donated a lot of books over the years. So, from now on I’d like all my requests for free, please.”

    (Requests to transfer books from one library branch to another cost $1 per time.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have any policy to do that.”

    Library patron: “I’ve donated so many books over the years I think this is a special case! I should be given free requests and fines.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, that’s not something you’ll be able to do. A lot of people donate books and we don’t give them free requests and fines.”

    Library patron: “But I’ve been supporting the library with all these donations I’ve been giving. I deserve something in return!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but the word donation implies you expect nothing in return… otherwise, it’s not a donation.”

    Library patron: *lightbulb goes on* “Oh…”

    …And Fruit Hates You Right Back

    | Monterey, CA, USA |

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a Coke.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, we make smoothies here. Have you looked at our menu?”

    Customer: “You don’t have any Coke?”

    Me:¬†”No, sir. Just fruit drinks.”

    Customer:¬†”Oh. Well, I’ll have a coffee then.”

    Me: “Sir, we don’t serve coffee here. Just smoothies.”

    Customer: “What kind of drink shop is this?!¬†I come in here trying to get a drink, and you don’t have anything!”

    Me:¬†”We’re a smoothie shop, sir. What kind of fruit do you like?”

    Customer: “I HATE FRUIT!” *storms out of the store*

    Only In LA

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    (This is an adult store in Los Angeles. Enter a fat, balding guy in his 40s.)

    Guy: “Hello, Miss.”

    Me: “Good morning.”

    Guy: “Do you have any–HOLY ****! You’re a girl!”

    Me: “I am?”

    Guy: “Shouldn’t you be at home, getting ready for your husband, cooking or something?”

    Me: “I burn salads. My WIFE tends to cook more.”

    Guy: “Holy ****! You’re a heathen!”

    Me: “Doom upon me. What was it you wanted?”

    Guy: “Whatever. Got any Bibles?”

    Me: “???”

    Directionally Challenged

    | Chicago, IL, USA |

    Me: “Hello! How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I need a Whopper, two large fries, and a shake.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t sell those here. Burger King is next door.”

    Customer: “OH!”

    (He walks into my dining room and promptly returns to the counter. He appears slightly confused.)

    Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “Yeah!¬†I thought you said Burger King was next door.”

    Me: “Yes sir, it is.”

    (I proceed to walk with him back to the dining room and point next door.)

    Me: “If you come back this way and go through our side exit, you can walk right over to Burger King.”

    Customer: “OH!”

    (I follow him back to the area near the side door and point him in that direction. He appears to be on his way to a Whopper, two fries and a shake when I hear our restroom door open and close. Sure enough, moments later he appears at my counter again.)

    Customer: “Why did you send me to the bathroom?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Please follow me.”

    (I escort the gentleman out the side door and tell him Burger King is next door.)

    Customer: “OH!¬†Thank you!”

    (He starts walking toward the front of both my building and Burger King. I feel confident he is going to get there. I was wrong. He walks around my building and through the parking lot, and is last seen heading towards an empty lot and the railroad tracks.)


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