A Hot Slice Of Obvious

| Pocomoke, MD, USA | Food & Drink, Uncategorized

Me: “Thank you for calling [pizza place], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, can I have a half pepperoni, half sausage?”

Me: “Okay, will that be all?”

Customer: “Could you make sure that both halves are on the same pizza?”

There’s A Sucker Infected Every Minute

| Chicago, IL, USA | Technology, Uncategorized

(A customer is wondering why her anti-virus is asking her to purchase the program.)

Me: “What is the name of your anti-virus?”

Customer: “It is [name of a well-known fake anti-virus program].”

Me: “Ma’am, that is a fake anti-virus. Do not purchase that program because it will not protect your computer.”

Customer: “No! Why do you want me to disable my anti-virus? I will not get rid of it! It’s keeping my computer safe! I already purchased it three times and it still wants me to pay again! All I want to know is how to stop it from asking me to pay!”

Bi-Curiouser and Curiouser

| Salem, NH, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words, Top

(I am speaking Spanish to a customer at the register. I finish the transaction and see the next customer.)

Customer: *speaking loudly and slowly* “Hello! I want to pay cash!”

Me: “Find everything you need today?”

Customer: “Wow so you can speak English and Spanish? I didn’t think you spoke any English”

Me: “Yes, I’m bilingual”

Customer: “Wow! So you speak two languages fluently and you’re gay?”

Me: “No, just bilingual.”

Customer: “I heard you the first time silly! Lots of gay pride in you, huh?”

Some Guys Are Made Of The Right Stuff

| Carbondale, IL, USA | Books & Reading, Top

Customer: “Excuse me, could you help me find a book on grieving? My husband just died.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. They’re right over here.”

(I lead her over to the death and grieving books.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you find today?”

Customer: “Actually yes. I’m also looking for a book on taxidermy.”

Don’t Bank On It

| Raleigh, NC, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Uncategorized

(I am assisting a young woman over the phone; she has just had her wallet stolen.)

Caller: “Can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Of course.”

Caller: “I had $200 in cash in my wallet when it was stolen. If I tell the police how much was in it, will they give it to me?”

Me: “You mean, if you tell them you had $200 in cash stolen, will they just give you $200?”

Caller: “Yes! Will they give it to me?”

Me: “I don’t think it works that way. If they manage to recover your wallet and the money is still inside they would probably return it to you, but I don’t think that happens very often.”

Caller: “Oh.”

*long pause*

Caller: “What if I told them it was $20? Do you think they would give me that much?”

Page 1,786/2,467First...1,7841,7851,7861,7871,788...Last