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    Speak For Yourself, Part 3

    , | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    Customer: “Excuse me.”

    Me: “Yes, may I help you?”

    Customer:“What is this?”

    Me: “A t-shirt.”

    Customer: “Who’s the d*** picture of?”

    Me: “That’s Grizzly Adams, sir.”

    Customer: “No, it’s Charles Manson! How can you sell this in your shop? It’s disgusting!”

    Me: “It’s not my shop.”

    Customer: “You work here, why don’t you find a real job that doesn’t promote murderers and killing!”

    (The customer hands me a card: “Bill ***, Army Recruiter.”)

    Related:
    Speak For Yourself, Part 2
    Speak For Yourself

    Speechless

    | Winnipeg, Canada |

    (To start off, I’m male, as is my customer.)

    Me: “Alright, one medium latte, less hot. Anything else for you today, sir?”

    Customer: Don’t make it too hot! If you make it too hot, I’ll spank you, and you’re going to like it!

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “I’m so hungry, I going to go home and stick something in my mouth, and I don’t care what it is!”

    Me: “…”

    White In New Jersey, What A Concept

    | New Jersey, USA |

    (The store has a policy where if customers bring in empty printer cartridges they would receive a free ream of white paper. However, the store would only take a few brands.)

    Customer: “I have these printer cartridges and I’d like to receive my free paper.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry ma’am but we don’t accept these brand.”

    Customer: “You can’t be serious, what else am I going to do with them?”

    Coworker: “Well the sign over there states which brands we take, but we can recycle them for you.”

    (The customer turns to me.)

    Customer: “Is this a race thing? Is it because I’m white?”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “I’m serious. I demand to know if this is because I’m white!”

    Dog Tested, Employee Approved

    | Tartu, Estonia |

    (An old lady walks up to the counter.)

    Customer: “Miss, is this dog sausage salty?”

    Me: “Um…I don’t think so, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Are you SURE?”

    Me: “Well, yes. Dog sausages are mainly made without salt.”

    Customer: “It better not be salty, because my dog does not eat any salty stuff.”

    Me: “It’s not salty, ma’am.”

    Customer: “But are you SURE? Have you TASTED it?!”

    H2O: The Dampening

    | Cleveland, OH, USA |

    (Per our closing procedures, I have to mop the edges of the aisles every night before we close.)

    Customer: “You know, it’s very wet.”

    Me: “Yes, that is a common characteristic of water.”

    Customer: “Well, isn’t there anything you can do about it?”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, there are caution signs all around the store to tell you it might be slippery.”

    Customer: “But can’t you do something to make the water less wet?”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we’ve run out of our dry water, and only have the wet kind left.”

    Customer: “Well, you should order more.”

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