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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
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  • One More Puke On The Path To Recovery

    | Syracuse, NY, USA |

    (I’m a female working in a gas station and it’s close to midnight. The customer is obviously drunk, which means I can’t sell him alcohol.)

    Customer: “You’re the kind of pretty thing I’m not allowed to touch.

    (He proceeds to our beer cooler and takes one bottle out of a six-pack.)

    Me: “Sir, I can’t sell you that for two reasons. One, you are obviously drunk and store policy says you cant but alcohol. Two, if you were sober it would have to be the whole six-pack or nothing.”

    Customer: *stares at me for 30 seconds and then pukes on his coat*

    Customer: “Am I sober enough now?”

    Have Age, Will Complain

    | Alberta, Canada |

    (Our local gas station has recently been taken over by new owners. An elderly woman comes in to buy a cup of coffee and takes it to the front to pay.)

    Me: “That’ll be a dollar fifty.”

    Customer: “What? That’s outrageous! The old owners would never have charged that much!”

    Me: “Ma’am, it’s the same price as it was before.”

    Customer: “Well… I’m seventy! I have the right to b****!” *storms out*

    Shopping, Time Travel…It’s Going To Be A Busy Day

    | Portland, OR, USA |

    (It’s 5:30am and I’m in the back office, getting register tills ready for the day, when the store phone rings.)

    Caller: “Hi, can you tell me what today is?”

    Me: “Uh, Saturday. Can I help you with something?”

    Caller: “Hmm. What’s the date?”

    Me: “March 19th.”

    Caller: “But what YEAR?”

    Me: “…2008. Sir, is there something I can help you with?”

    Caller: “What day is it again?”

    Me: *getting frustrated* “Sir, it’s Saturday, March 19th, 2008 and it’s 5:34am, in the morning. Now is there something here in the bookstore I can help you with?”

    Caller: “What? Oh, yeah. I just want to put a CD on hold.”

    How To Strike Out 101

    | Wisconsin, USA |

    (I’m female, and one day a male patron walked up to me.)

    Patron: “Can you look up information on gonorrhea for me?”

    Me: “Sure…”

    (I start searching in various databases when I suddenly feel the patron caressing my knee.)

    Patron: “You’re doing such a good job!”

    Me: “…”

    No Scam Like The Present

    | Richmond, VA, USA |

    Me: “Good morning, ma’am. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I would like $10 on pump five.”

    Me: “Alright, ma’am. Have a nice day!”

    (The customer then gets out and starts walking to her car which is indeed on pump five… and then just drives off without pumping gas. I hold her $10 in case she comes back, and sure enough, she returns about an hour later.)

    Customer: *furious* “I can’t pump my gas, you little s***! You stole my money!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you left the money on your pump about an hour ago.”

    Customer: “I know! You were supposed to hold it for me. What kind of service is this that you won’t do that?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I have your money right here and can put it on the pump if you want.”

    Customer: “You d***ed better put that money on my pump…all $50 of it!”

    Me: “Ma’am, you only gave me $10 for the pump.”

    Customer: “I so did not! I gave you $50. I have my receipt right here!”

    (The customer hands me a receipt that indeed says $50 dollars–but it’s dated from five months ago.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I have your receipt from today and it says $10. The receipt you handed me has a date from five months ago.”

    Customer: “You mean those receipts have dates on them?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Oh…” *runs out, leaving her $10 and never returning again*

    Scamming In Plain Sight
    Plastic, Scamtastic
    Smile – You’re On Scam-Cam

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