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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Those Who Have Impotence Will Never Lose Their Flower

    | Thomasville, NC, USA | Funny Names, Rude & Risque, Uncategorized

    Customer: “Excuse me, do you have impotence?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Customer: “Impotence? Do you have impotence?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. Everything seems to be in working order.”

    (The customer walks away and several minutes later I find her out front waving a pack of flowers.)

    Customer: *yelling and smiling* “Here it is! I’ve found your impotence!”

    (The flowers she had found were Impatiens.)

    I Am 16 Going On 17

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Books & Reading, Money, Uncategorized

    Customer: “The price printed on the back says $16. Why are you charging me extra?”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am. This book costs $17. Your copy seems to contain a printing error. However, since we didn’t catch the mistake and your copy does say $16, I’d be happy to let you have the book for this price.”

    (The customer pays $16 for the book and walks away. A few minutes later she comes back holding another copy.)

    Customer: “I just wanted to let you know that I found another copy, and this one does say $17 on the back. How is this possible? Aren’t they all supposed to be identical?”

    Me: “Warehouses sometimes hold inventory that comes from more than one print run. That’s probably what happened here. They must have had some wrongly priced copies mixed in with the rest of the stock.”

    Customer: “Oh, I see. I am going to put the copy I just bought back on the shelf and take this one, okay? It’s the same book, so it shouldn’t make a difference to you.”

    Me: “We have let you have the book for the price printed on the cover, so I’m not sure I understand what the problem is.”

    Customer: “Oh, no, there is no problem. It’s just that I’m buying this for a friend as a gift and I want her to think I paid $17.”

    Me: “Ma’am, you do understand that since this copy does not contain a pricing error, you will not be entitled to the discounted price.”

    Customer: “So if I get the copy that isn’t defective, I’ll have to pay full price?”

    Me: “That’s correct. Do you still want to exchange your copy for this one?”

    Customer: “Forget it. She’s not that good a friend.”

    Till Password Reset Do Us Part

    | Glasgow, UK | Spouses & Partners, Technology, Uncategorized

    Me: “Okay, all I need now is the security password you gave us when you opened your account.”

    Customer: “No idea.”

    Me: *seeing the password is a girl’s name* “Most people choose something or someone familiar…”

    Customer: “Lisa? Scott? Elizabeth? Rusty? Oh! Is it my mother’s maiden name?”

    Me: “No, so I’m just going to check if you’ve left yourself a hint but it takes a second.”

    Customer: “Well there’s just no point in you checking it has to be one of those names. I never ever use anything else. If I did, I don’t know it. I must have set this years ago. How am I supposed to remember that?”

    Me: “Are you sure you don’t one more try? Your hint is ‘wife’.”

    Customer: “Emma! Don’t tell her I forgot that!”

    A Heated Topic

    | Nova Scotia, Canada | Food & Drink, Math & Science, Top

    (Note: a lunch party is sitting outside on our deck, which overlooks the waterfront.)

    Me: “How is everything, folks?”

    Customer: “Oh, the food’s great! It’s just a bit chilly out here.”

    Me: “If you’d like, I can move you to a table inside, where it’s warmer.”

    Customer: “Actually, could you just turn up the heat?”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “The heat? Could you turn it up out here?”

    Me: “There is no heating system.”

    Customer: “Then, what’s that?” *points to railing around the deck*

    Me: “That’s the railing.”

    Customer: “No it’s not, it’s a heater! It’s warm!” *touches railing as to show me how warm it is*

    Me: “It’s warm because its been sitting in the sun.”

    Customer: “Don’t try to trick me! I’m a scientist, and I know that heaters make things warm!”

    Hollywood, M.D.

    | Vancouver Island, BC, Canada | Health & Body, Math & Science, Movies & TV, Uncategorized

    (A customer comes to the counter with a bleeding hand.)

    Customer: “Have you got a first aid kit back there? I caught my hand and it’s bleeding.”

    Me: “Of course. I’ll go get it.”

    (I come back with the kit and take out some antibiotic ointment and some bandages.)

    Customer: “Oh, I shouldn’t need the bandages.”

    Me: “Are you sure? It’s bleeding quite a lot.”

    Customer: “Well, that ointment will just fix it, won’t it?”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Customer: “That stuff you’ve got in your hand, that’ll just heal it up right?”

    Me: “This helps it heal faster and prevents it from getting infected, but it doesn’t heal it immediately.”

    Customer: “Don’t you have the stuff that just fixes it right away?”

    Me: “I don’t believe they have anything that does that, ma’am.”

    Customer: “They do, I saw it before!”

    Me: “Where did you see it?”

    Customer: “I saw it on some movie. I don’t want that stuff there. I want the stuff I saw in the movie. Just get that stuff and fix this already, will you?”

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