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    One Coffee Conflagration, Coming Right Up

    | Staten Island, NY, USA | Food & Drink, Top

    Customer: “I’d like a venti latte made with organic milk. It has to be organic milk.”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t have organic milk in this store.”

    Customer: “Why the h*** not? It says that you do on the menu!”

    Coworker: “Well, our customers here rarely order drinks made with organic milk, so we don’t stock it.”

    Customer: “Why don’t you have it?! I cannot drink my latte if it isn’t made with organic milk!”

    Coworker: “If it’s that important to you, we can make your drink with soy, which is organic.”

    Customer: “NO! NO! NO! Soy milk is disgusting! Regular milk is disgusting! I should be able to get what I WANT when I come here! It is imperative that I have my g**d*** latte made with organic milk!”

    (They go back and forth like this for several more minutes as the line behind her grows longer and more impatient, while my friend is desperately trying to appease her with our milk options. Suddenly, the customer’s friend seems to finally have run out of patience…)

    Customer: “I NEED it to be ORGANIC!”

    Customer’s friend: *suddenly loud* “Why? So you can stand outside and drink your d*** organic latte while smoking your organic cigarettes? They don’t have it! Drop it already and get something else!”

    No, But They Do A Wonderful Brogue

    | Scotland, UK |

    Me: “Hi, do you need any help?”

    Guy at the zoo: “Yeah… do the chimps, like, speak English?”

    Me: “Ummm…. no.”

    Neverending Query

    | Beaufort, SC, USA |

    (The phone rings at 11pm, although our restaurant has been closed since 10pm.)

    Me: “Thank you for choosing ***, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’d like to place an order for delivery.”

    Me: “Sorry ma’am, we’re closed.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand, why are you answering the phone?”

    Me: “I have to. Even though we’re closed, we still might get important phone calls.”

    Customer: “I still don’t understand, why are you closed?”

    Me: “We have regular business hours to follow, and on weekdays we’re only open till 10pm.”

    Customer: “But I don’t understand… why are you answering the phone if you’re closed, then?”

    Me: *face desk*

    (It went in circles like that for about ten minutes. I finally got tired of her ‘why’ questions and it had really had been a horrible night… so, I hung up the phone.)

    Me, to other employees: “You wouldn’t believe this lady…”

    *phone rings*

    Me: “Thank you for choosing ***, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “So why are you still answering the phone if you’re closed?”

    Me: *multiple face desks*

    Living On The Edge, Part 2

    , , | Philadelphia, PA, USA |

    Me: “Thanks for your purchase. Would you please sign anywhere on the receipt?”

    Customer:¬†”Anywhere?”

    Me: “Anywhere.”

    Customer: “But there’s no line!”

    Me: “That’s right–the printer doesn’t draw a line for this type of receipt, so just sign anywhere on the receipt.”

    Customer: “Anywhere?”

    Me: “Anywhere.”

    Customer: “But there’s no LINE!”

    Me: *facepalm*

    Related:
    Living On The Edge

    And We Wonder Who Clicks On Spam…

    , | Santa Ana, CA, USA |

    Me: “Thank you for calling [bank], how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Hello, I seem to have a problem with my online banking.”

    Me: “Okay, I’d be happy to help…”

    (I identify her and find nothing wrong with her accounts, flags or overdrafts.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m not seeing anything wrong on our end. Can you describe what the problem is?”

    Customer: “I don’t know what the problem is. I just got a message from you that said ‘Contact Us’.”

    Me: “Okay, can you read me the message you received?”

    Customer: “It says ‘Contact Us’.”

    Me: “That’s all, contact us and that’s it? No explanation?”

    Customer: “That’s all! It just says ‘Contact Us’ in blue letters right above my messages.”

    Me: “Wait, above your messages? You mean the link?”

    Customer: “The what?”

    Me: “Ma’am, the blue message to contact us is a hyperlink to a blank letter. It wasn’t telling you to contact us; the link is always there for feedback, like a suggestion box.”

    Customer: “Oh… well, can I please speak with your supervisor! I cannot be the only one who thought this!”

    (I transfer her over and proceed to bang my head against my keyboard.)


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