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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Not-So-Smart Card

    | Florida, USA | Technology, Top

    Customer: “Where are your film cameras?”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, we don’t carry those anymore, but our digital ones are right over there.”

    Customer: “Okay, and where are the film ones?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, we stopped carrying film cameras a long time ago.”

    Customer: “Is that one film?”

    Me: “No, sir. None of the cameras in this store will be film.”

    Customer: “But that one is big. See, the film goes right there!”

    Me: “That is actually where the batteries go. This camera doesn’t need film because it is a digital camera”

    Customer: “So where does the film go?”

    Me: “No film, sir. They store the pictures on an SD card.”

    Customer: “Why aren’t you listening? All I want is to buy a film camera!”

    Me: “I am very sorry sir, but we only carry digital cameras. No film cameras.”

    Customer: *looks at a camera* “I think I want that one. What kind of film is best to put in it?”

    Me: *giving up* “It is actually pretty interesting, they started putting all the film in this tiny little card to protect it from any sort of light. Only machines can develop the film, because the card is so small, so you can only get prints by putting the card in a computer.”

    Customer: “Isn’t that amazing! That is so smart, the things they come up with today!”

    High Commission Brain Attrition

    | New Zealand | Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

    (A woman tourist  in her late thirties rushes up to my desk, followed by a man who appears to be her husband and three children.)

    Tourist: “Ma’am, ma’am, this is an emergency! My family have missed our flight and our passports are gone!”

    Me: “I can put you in touch with your high commission, Ma’am.”

    Tourist: “Oh, yes! Would you?”

    Woman’s husband: “Sweetheart, I have the passports at the hotel.”

    Tourist: “Oh. Well, we still missed our flight! It’s June 18th and we were meant to leave on the 12th!”

    Me: “Ma’am, may I see your tickets, please? Then I can put you in touch with your travel agent.”

    Tourist: “Here you go!”

    Me: “Ma’am, see here.”

    Tourist: “Yes, June 12th.”

    Me: “No, Ma’am. July 12th.”

    Tourist: “Oh.”

    Woman’s son: *looks about eight* “Oh, mom….”

    Tourist: “Oh, yeah, can you give us directions to that museum thing, Ta Pape?”

    Me: “You mean Te Papa?”

    Tourist: “Yeah.”

    Me: “This is Te Papa.”

    Nature Abhors A Vacuum-Head

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Math & Science, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

    (I overhear this conversation between two girls who look to be around fourteen or fifteen, lining up for an exhibit.)

    Girl #1: “Those flowers are pretty.”

    Girl #2: *while texting* “Yeah I guess.”

    Girl #1: “Oh my god! Don’t move! There’s a fly on you!”

    Girl #2: *in a horrified voice* “N-N-Nature!”

    Age Or Gender Gap

    | Gloucestershire, UK | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Uncategorized

    (A woman and her daughter are standing by the cigarette counter where I am working.)

    Child: “Mummy, can I have a chocolate bar?”

    Mother: “Okay. Pick the one you want and give it to the man.”

    (There is a long, tense pause as the child and I look at one another.)

    Child: *in a very condescending tone* “Mummy. I think it’s a lady.”

    Me: “She is correct.”

    Sharing Ones Loss

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Books & Reading, Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

    (Students are required to show their student ID cards when borrowing a book. Two students walk up to the front desk.)

    Student #1: “Hi, I’d like to borrow this book for my friend here.” *hands me their student ID card*

    Me: “If your friend would like that book, then she needs to bring her own ID card and borrow it herself. I can’t let you borrow it for her in case she causes any damage or loses it.”

    Student #1: “Oh. But she’s very responsible. She wouldn’t damage or lose it.”

    (I turn to the second student.)

    Me: “Where is your student ID card?”

    Student #2: “I lost it.”

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