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    And On This Farm He Had My Dinner

    | Geilo, Norway |

    Customer: What’s the difference between this-” *holds up a steak of lamb* “and this?” *holds up a steak of calf*

    Me: “Well, this one is from a lamb, and this one from a calf. It says so right here on the label.”

    Customer: “But what part of the animal is that?”

    Me: *points at the lamb* “Baaaa.” *pointing at the calf* “Moooo.”

    Customer: *happily* “Oh, thank you so much!”

    Beefed-Up Technology

    | Kansas City, MO, USA |

    (I was a customer at a cell phone store, observing the following exchange.)

    Employee: “I’m sorry sir, but your phone has water damage, which isn’t covered by the warranty. You will have to purchase a new phone.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous! I haven’t gotten the phone wet!”

    Employee: “Have you used the phone in the rain? Sometimes, that’s all it takes to get the internals wet enough to damage the device.”

    Customer: “Well, yes, but that doesn’t make any sense! Cows are in the rain all the time and they don’t die!”

    Employee: “…”

    Me: *interjecting* “Sir, cows aren’t electronic devices.”

    Customer: *storms out*

    The Elves Didn’t Meet Quota This Year

    | Texas, USA |

    Me: “Hi, thank you for calling ****. My name is ****, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes ma’am, I was wondering if you had any Mario Karts?”

    Me: “For the Nintendo Wii? No ma’am, we are currently sold out.”

    Customer: “Okay, but are you sure you don’t have any stocked up in the back that you’re ‘holding’ for someone?”

    Me: “No ma’am. We have none in stock whatsoever.”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t think you’re helping me out too much with this sale.”

    Me: “Ma’am? There’s not really much I can do.”

    Customer: “No, I don’t think you UNDERSTAND. It is IMPERATIVE that I get this game for Christmas. You DO know what that means, right?”

    Me: “I’m fully capable of understanding a 4-syllable word, ma’am. However, that game has been a very hot item this Christmas, and has been nearly impossible to find. Im-poss-i-ble. You DO know what that means, right?”

    Customer: “WHY DON’T YOU GO ABOVE AND BEYOND FOR YOUR CUSTOMERS?”

    Me: “Ma’am, what more can I possibly do? We don’t have any physically in the store.”

    Customer: “Well thanks a lot! Now you’re gonna make me look like a bad Santa in front of my children!”

    Me: “Ma’am, a good Santa wouldn’t have waited two days before Christmas.”

    Financial Loaves And Fishes

    | Cambridge, MA, USA |

    Customer: “There seems to be a problem with my ATM card. I can’t get any money out.”

    Me: “Hold on, let me check your account…you only have $3.35 in your bank account.”

    Customer: “Ok, so how do we fix that?”

    South Paw Prophecy

    | Gatineau, Quebec, Canada |

    Me: “Hello there, how may I help you?”

    Customer: “I would like a refund on this item, please.”

    Me: “Ok, no problem sir.”

    (I start filling out a refund sheet.)

    Customer: “Oh! I see that you’re left handed!”

    Me: “Yep!”

    Customer: “I pity you….”

    Me: “Um…and why should I be pitied, exactly?”

    Customer: “How long did your parents live?”

    Me: “Er…both of my parents are very much alive, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh? What about your grandparents?”

    Me: “I saw them a few days ago. They’re alive too, and in great
    health.”

    Customer: “How old are they?”

    Me: *telling him their ages* “They’re in great shape.”

    Customer: “Then you will die at the age of 70!”

    Me: “Here’s your refund, sir….”

    Customer: “I wish it weren’t so…good luck to you.”

    Me: “Ok…”


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