November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

When Two Wrongs Make It Right

| Washington, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Top

(The night previous we had a customer shoplift about $300 worth of merchandise while I was on shift. Thankfully, while she did get away with quite a bit, she escaped with only one boot of a pair as I had removed the second boot, with ink tag intact, pending acceptance of her check.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [store name] what can we help you find today?”

Caller: “Hi! I was at your store last night and the lady that helped me shorted us a shoe!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. What style was it?”

Caller: “A [brand]. It was the right shoe. She was going to take the tag off and never did! I live far away so do you think you could transfer it to the [different location] store?”

Me: “I don’t believe that would be feasible as we don’t have a way to get it to that store, but we might be able to mail it to you! Can I get your name, phone number, and address?”

Caller: “Sure. It is [name, number & address].”

(I get off the phone looking like the Cheshire cat. The thief had just given her full name, phone number, and address.)

John Paul The Third (Time’s A Charm)

| Dublin, Ireland | Funny Names, Uncategorized

Me: “Hi, Paul speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Who?”

Me: “Paul.”

Customer: “John?”

Me: “No, Paul.”

Customer: “John?”

Me: “No, Paul. P-A-U-L.”

Customer: “That’s not how you spell John!”

Reaching New (Faren)Heights Of Stupidity

| Manila, Philippines | Math & Science, Top, Tourists/Travel

(I overhear a tourist couple at breakfast one table over.)

Customer: “Every day! This coffee is never hot enough.”

Customer’s husband: “You’re just gonna have to get used to that. In these countries that use the Celsius scale, they boil their water at only 100 degrees.”

Can’t Keep A Good Waitress Down

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science, Top

(I am working as a bartender at a restaurant. The waitress has added a 15% gratuity because the party has been large and difficult to deal with.)

Customer: “Miss? What’s this ‘gravity’ crap?! I ain’t paying for no ‘gravity!'”

Waitress: *without missing a beat* “Ma’am, that’s what holds the food to your plate.”

Customer: “Oh, alright then.” *pays the check*


| Sydney, Australia | Money, Movies & TV, Uncategorized

(At the cinema the water is really expensive, the bottle we sell costs $5.10 but anywhere else it would be $2.)

Me: “Hi what can I get you?”

Customer: “I’ll just grab a water thanks.”

Me: “Sure, that’ll be $5.10.”

Customer: *shocked* “$5.10!?”

Me: “Yeah, sorry, just our prices.”

Customer: “But it’s water. You know that s*** comes from the sky right?”