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    Take Two Megabytes And Call Me In The Morning

    | Grand Rapids, MI, USA |

    Me: *on the phone* “Thank you for calling Customer Support, my name is ****. How may I assist you?”

    Customer: “I would like to cancel my prescription to the Internet.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, you said…prescription?”

    Customer: “Yes, I went with a high speed provider! I don’t need my prescription with you any more!”

    Me: “…have you checked to see if that was OK with your doctor?”

    The Force Is Strong In This One

    , | Canada |

    Customer: “Hello, I would like to return this item.”

    Me: “Ok, what was the problem?”

    Customer: “I just don’t need it anymore.”

    Me: “Ok, do you have the receipt?”

    Customer: “Yes, here it is.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t return this. It’s from six months ago.”

    Customer: “Yes you can…” *waves hands in the air*

    Me: “I’m sorry, no I can’t. I would get in a lot of trouble.”

    Customer: “No you won’t…” *waves hands in the air again*

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m not going to do that.”

    Customer: *turns and leaves*

    Me, to coworker: “Did I just get Jedi mind-tricked?”

    Abandon All Hope, All Ye In Dante’s Diner

    | Sydney, Australia | Top

    (We provide a complimentary bowl of prawn crackers at our restaurant. When I go to take a customers order, I notice he has eaten the entire bowl.)

    Customer: “You know, I’m allergic to MSG. I’ll die immediately if I even eat one milligram.”

    Me: “Those prawn crackers you just ate have MSG in them.”

    Customer: “Oh my God, I’m going to die!”

    (Two hours later, when the bill comes around…)

    Customer: “I don’t think I should pay for the meal. I’m going to die anyway.”

    Me: “Um… yes that will happen eventually, but it’s been two hours and you’re still kicking.”

    Customer: “Maybe I’ve died and we’re all in purgatory? In that case, technically, I haven’t eaten anything.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to pay for your meal.”

    Customer: “Purgatory waitresses aren’t very compassionate, are they?”

    The People Of England Wholeheartedly Agree

    , | Erie, PA, USA |

    Customer: “How do you change the language setting on The Sims?”

    Me: “Well, I’d imagine there’s something in the game’s options. What did you need to set it to?”

    Customer: “English.”

    Me: “Funny, I’d think that would be the default.”

    Customer: “But I can’t understand them!”

    Me: “Wait, you mean the Sims themselves?”

    Customer: “Yes! They’re speaking French!”

    Me: “No, they’re speaking Simlish. It’s a gibberish language.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, it sounds like French!”

    Every Time A Bell Rings, A Crazy Customer Appears

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA |

    (Our sandwich shop has a bell that hangs above the door to notify us when customers enter and exit. One day, a woman came into our shop, making the bell ring.)

    Customer: “Oh! What a nice bell!”

    Me: “Oh, thank you, ma’am! Welcome to ****.”

    (Instead of approaching me to make her order, the woman proceeds to open and close the door repeatedly, causing the bell to ring each time.)

    Me: “…um…”

    Customer: “This is so wonderful! Such a wonderful sound. I could do this all day!”

    Me: “Er, ma’am, would you like to order anything?”

    (By now, all of the other customers are staring at her. She suddenly stops.)

    Customer: “What? Oh, no, thank you! I was just leaving.” *exits*

    Me: “…really?”

    Manager: *from the back room* “Make sure we aren’t running out of stuff for all the people that just came in!”

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