Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Got Him Out Of A Pickle
    (2,968 thumbs up)
  • October Theme Of The Month: Coupon Complications!
    Submit your story today!

    Why Guidance Counselors Shouldn’t Drink

    | Maine, USA |

    (I am running a bocce ball tournament, and this guest starts talking to me while I am trying to watch the game and keep score.)

    Guest: “You make a lot of money?”

    Me: “I make enough.”

    Guest: “You know, strippers make a lot of money. I heard of one who makes a thousand dollars a night.”

    Me: “Wow.”

    Guest: “How old are you?”

    Me: “18.”

    Guest: “Yeah, you should start now, before s*** starts to sag.”

    Me: “…thanks for the advice.”

    Guest: “No problem.”

    This Is Why We Don’t Color Code People

    | California, USA | Top

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “No!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want no g**d*** Chinese serving me.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Get me an American.”

    Me: “Sir, I am American.”

    Customer: “What?! You think I’m blind? You think I’m f***ing blind? Go back to China!”

    Me: “Right, one second…”

    (My coworkers hear everything from the back, so one of my white coworkers comes out.)

    Customer: “Ugh, finally… an American!”

    Coworker: *starts speaking Spanish*

    Customer: “G**D*** IT! F*** Y’ALL, A**HOLES!” *storms out*

    Disc Doctor, Not Disc Miracle Worker

    | Erie, PA, USA | Top

    (Our store sells a device called a Disc Doctor; it resurfaces CDs so they can be read again.)

    Caller: “I bought a Disc Doctor and it isn’t working.”

    Manager: “Well, I have one, and they can be difficult at times. Why don’t you tell me what you did, and I’ll try and talk you through it.”

    Caller: “Okay. I sprayed it with the solution and then I put both halves in the tray–”

    Manager: “Wait… did you just say ‘both halves’?”

    Caller: “Yeah, both halves.”

    Manager: “Yeah, that’s not going to work…”

    From 20 Questions To Truth Or Dare

    | Rexburg, ID, USA |

    (Note: I work at a call center doing surveys on tourism. This person was obviously drunk when I called them.)

    Me: “Have you visited Texas within the last six months?”

    Drunk guy: “Yesh.”

    Me: “And how many people were in your travel party?”

    Drunk guy: “I have had enough of your questions. It’s time for you to answer some of mine!”

    Me: “Sir, we only have a few more–”

    Drunk guy: “Enough! What is your name, and have you ever been to a nudist colony?!”"

    By Jove, I Think He’s Figured It Out

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA |

    Me: “Hey there, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like to know the 9 types of lemonade you have.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, we only have ONE kind of lemonade and we’re out of it.”

    Customer: “Okay, but what are your 9 different types?”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t think you understand. We only have one kind of lemonade and we’re currently out of it.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (The customer walks away, only to come back five minutes later.)

    Customer: “If I ask you the same question from earlier, you’re still going to give me the same answer, aren’t you?”

    Me: “Yes…”

    Page 1,781/2,153First...1,7791,7801,7811,7821,783...Last